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Original Essays | July 24, 2014

Jessica Valenti: IMG Full Frontal Feminism Revisited



It is arguably the worst and best time to be a feminist. In the years since I first wrote Full Frontal Feminism, we've seen a huge cultural shift in... Continue »
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eroticawriter has commented on (3) products.

At Her Feet: Powering Your Femdom Relationship by Tammyjo Eckhart
At Her Feet: Powering Your Femdom Relationship

eroticawriter, March 18, 2012

In many ways, At Her Feet: Powering Your Femdom Relationship by TammyJo Eckhart & Fox is the factual counterpart of my novel Dommemoir. Both offer a glimpse of one woman’s journey into the world of FemDom along with the thoughts from the male at her feet.

In telling her story, TammyJo shares a lot of practical tips and wisdom that she gathered along the way. I very much wish that such a book had been available to me when I first recognized and started exploring my own identity as a FemDom.


As TammyJo says: “Today you can barely find an online community where the sidebars aren’t riddled with … so-called femdoms in collars and impossibly high heels screaming profanities at the rather ugly men cowering before them.”

I never related to those concepts of FemDom. I never did understand why the so-called Mistress would be the one wearing the collar and I can’t wear heels of any height. More importantly, I want the man kneeling at my feet to be attractive, sexy, and macho.

In At Her Feet, TammyJo explains: “You start to figure out what really works for you and what doesn’t, and then you can begin to make conscious decisions about what to reject from the femdom model and what to embrace. When you start simply being dominant, for example, while wearing teddy bear slippers or torn sweatpants, and are still able to get your submissive to kneel at your feet with a mere word or look, you have crossed over to the mature state of femdom development.”

Now that statement resonated with me, as did: “We find it particularly amusing but also frustrating when the woman complaining about how all men are only interested in sex is wearing an outfit featuring a tight corset or thigh-high boots…Wear what empowers you as a femdom, but be realistic about the messages you are sending out.”

I set out to read At Her Feet with an open mind -- interested in learning what another FemDom writer had to say about the dynamic, prepared to find many points of disagreement. But, except for a few common misconceptions about sociology, I found the book informative, interesting and easy to read.

It contains a wealth of practical information that I believe would be useful to women (and men) trying to figure out what they need and want from a Femdom relationship. As the authors state: “If you’re struggling, then we think our experience might open your mind so you can re-examine what you both want and work on making his kneeling at her feet one of the best relationships of your life.”

I particularly found refreshing the acknowledgment of terminology ambiguity in statements like: “Words such as ‘master,’ ‘mistress,’ ‘slave,’ ‘pet,’ or whatever else you want to choose do not have fixed, universally-recognized meanings.”

As I wrote recently in a post about BDSM labels , there are many misconceptions, especially among males who misidentify as submissive, about the dynamics involved in a FemDom relationship.

TammyJo and Fox are frank about sharing the day-to-day realities of making a Femdom/slave relationship work: “We have play time and sex, and we make special plans to do complex scenes. That’s wonderful, but those ties are not what fuels this relationship day in and day out. … Instead, we are strengthened by the continual use of some rules, rituals, and protocols and our open acceptance of each other’s needs and desires. … Those are the things that will give you the power to last a lifetime.”

That echoes what I’ve written over and over in numerous e-mails and what my character, Alyssa, says in Broken: “My domination and his submission form the foundation of our relationship. The sadism and masochism are spice when we have time and I’m so inclined.”: Domination and submission are the important part of the equation, what you build a relationship on.”

If you’re new to FemDom, fantasize about it, or are trying to make it work in your relationship, I highly recommend At Her Feet: Powering Your Femdom Relationship.
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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (P.S.) by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha
Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (P.S.)

eroticawriter, January 2, 2012

Fascinating, well-written, well researched disclosure of how culturally tainted world views have influenced anthropology.
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The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories by Rachel Kramer Bussel
The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories

eroticawriter, April 15, 2009

Just the number of creative ways that the authors collected by Rachel Kramer Bussel in *The Mile High Club* find for their characters to get off while in the air makes reading the book a fun adventure.

Except for one delicious fantasy, all of the stories are realistic enough to get readers thinking about a plan for their own initiation into the club. Someone who could never figure out how to get tab A into slot B within the crowded confines of the cattle cars that pass for planes these days, will be inspired by the myriad opportunities described.

The stories range from encounters with never-to-be-seen-again strangers to romantic beginnings that have the potential for long-term couplings as well as already existing relationships enhanced by the experience. There's something for everyone with male/female, female/female, and male/male encounters. And thanks to technology, a couple of steamy stories have only one of the participants on the plane.

Hot sex aside, the stories are all well-written with strong character development. As someone who needs more than just good sex to make a story enjoyable, I found this a most delightful read.

I.G. Frederick
author of *Broken* and *Shattered*
http://eroticawriter.net/
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