Leni Zumas's writing crackles. Her books are sharp, bleak, funny, and possibly dangerous. When her collection of short stories, Farewell Navigator,...
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I wish I'd known about this anthology when she was looking for stories...I have one of the ultimate "bad boyfriend" stories that should most definitely have been included. Oh, well...maybe she'll do a sequel!
My own story is the following...I'll call my "bad boyfriend" Nash, a British-Canadian citizen living in Vancouver, B.C., who ironically had and still has a coaching practice that helps others learn how to create loving relationships. We had been together for some time when I became pregnant very unexpectedly. Up until that moment he had repeatedly talked about how he just loved children and wanted one of his own. But when he was actually confronted with the prospect of being a father for real, his attitude was "Choose...it's me or the child". He would not budge on this point for love or money--he said that he wouldn't support me in any way if I chose to have the child. What was his excuse, you ask? He claimed that "we weren't in a committed relationship", and that if I wanted to "work towards one" I needed to do as he wished and have an abortion, because "why would he want a woman who didn't do as he wished"...! Yes, those were his exact words. Needless to say, we had been involved intensely and deeply for some time--it was news to me that "we weren't in a committed relationship"--and regardless what happens, if a man truly loves you, he will flow with life and welcome whatever comes.
Well, women, when a man says that to you there is only one choice you can make...to do what is right for YOU and you alone, because obviously the man in your life doesn't love you enough to be worth trying to accommodate in any way. Nevertheless, since I loved him deeply, this experience was both incredibly sad and incredibly painful for me, and caused me a considerable amount of stress during my pregnancy. To this day--more than four years later--he has not had the guts to contact me and see his child. I cannot say that I am surprised; only that I am glad that my child does not have such a poor male role model in its life.
I have since discovered that he took up with a yoga teacher not long afterwards that has two daughters from a previous marriage. Yes, that's right, the man who wouldn't be a father to his own child now has two "stepdaughters". Unbelievable.
Be warned, my fellow women out there...if a man could do this to any woman in his life, it's only a matter of time until he does it to you. S.D., you poor creature, this means you. If I were you I'd pack up my daughters and move on!
If this book helps other women tell their stories and move on from their horrible experiences, I'm all for it!
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What Was I Thinking?: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman
youknowwho, February 15, 2009
I wish I'd known about this anthology when she was looking for stories...I have one of the ultimate "bad boyfriend" stories that should most definitely have been included. Oh, well...maybe she'll do a sequel!My own story is the following...I'll call my "bad boyfriend" Nash, a British-Canadian citizen living in Vancouver, B.C., who ironically had and still has a coaching practice that helps others learn how to create loving relationships. We had been together for some time when I became pregnant very unexpectedly. Up until that moment he had repeatedly talked about how he just loved children and wanted one of his own. But when he was actually confronted with the prospect of being a father for real, his attitude was "Choose...it's me or the child". He would not budge on this point for love or money--he said that he wouldn't support me in any way if I chose to have the child. What was his excuse, you ask? He claimed that "we weren't in a committed relationship", and that if I wanted to "work towards one" I needed to do as he wished and have an abortion, because "why would he want a woman who didn't do as he wished"...! Yes, those were his exact words. Needless to say, we had been involved intensely and deeply for some time--it was news to me that "we weren't in a committed relationship"--and regardless what happens, if a man truly loves you, he will flow with life and welcome whatever comes.
Well, women, when a man says that to you there is only one choice you can make...to do what is right for YOU and you alone, because obviously the man in your life doesn't love you enough to be worth trying to accommodate in any way. Nevertheless, since I loved him deeply, this experience was both incredibly sad and incredibly painful for me, and caused me a considerable amount of stress during my pregnancy. To this day--more than four years later--he has not had the guts to contact me and see his child. I cannot say that I am surprised; only that I am glad that my child does not have such a poor male role model in its life.
I have since discovered that he took up with a yoga teacher not long afterwards that has two daughters from a previous marriage. Yes, that's right, the man who wouldn't be a father to his own child now has two "stepdaughters". Unbelievable.
Be warned, my fellow women out there...if a man could do this to any woman in his life, it's only a matter of time until he does it to you. S.D., you poor creature, this means you. If I were you I'd pack up my daughters and move on!
If this book helps other women tell their stories and move on from their horrible experiences, I'm all for it!
(5 of 5 readers found this comment helpful)