My Boys Can Swim! tells real men everything they really want to know about pregnancy, such as: How much is it going to cost? Why does your wife primp before seeing her doctor when she hasn't put a stitch of make-up on for you in months? And, most important, what's it going to do to your sex life?

This rollicking, laugh-out-loud book is for expectant dads in search of bottom-line pregnancy information, without all that boring touchy-feely stuff you find in those books written for women. Inside you'll discover helpful—and hilarious—information and insights on such topics as:

The Maternity Wardrobe: "A key part of the maternity wardrobe is maternity underwear—parachute-like undies big enough to fit an NFL defensive lineman."

Baby Names: "Don't give your kids mockable names like Thaddeus, which is Greek for 'I'm a dork and should be beaten up.'"

The Birth: "No one told me it's normal that babies' heads can be misshapen at birth. I was convinced that my wife gave birth to Veldar, the conehead."

Introduction

1. The First Trimester (0 to 3 Months)

Mission Impossible
Health Insurance: Like a Good Neighbor or a Bad Dream
What's in a Name?
C'mon Up Chuck
Move Over Dolly Parton
The World's Greatest Excuse

2. The Second Trimester (4 to 6 Months)

"Everyone's Getting Fat Like Mama Cass"
Same Stadium, Different Playing Field
No Pain, No Gain
The OB/GOD
Common Medical Tests
Cop a Feel
Sex Starved or Sex Kitten?
Maternity Attire
Blazing Saddles
The Joy of "Regifting"

3. The Third Trimester (7 Months to Delivery)

Bankrupt Over Baby Stuff
"Let's All Hold Hands and Sing 'Kumbaya'": Those Dreaded Baby Classes
In Search of Marcus Welby, M.D.
The Invisible Man
Baby Ex-Lax
The Vital Signs
Show Time!
Check In/Check Out
Mother Teresa
Riding the Wave
The Mother of All Shots: The Epidural
The Only Day She'll Pray to Be Constipated
You Have to Go Through Hell Before You Get to Heaven
Where's My Reward?
The Fun Begins!
Things No One Tells You About the Post-Delivery Experience
Slice and Dice
Final Words

Epilogue
Acknowledgments