A Response to Divorce That Is Scripturally Sound Yet Healing and Compassionate

"Many divorced people within the Christian community are held hostage to the letter of the law, which can rob them of the freedom experienced through grace and forgiveness. Without compromising scriptural truths related to divorce, the author confronts the reality that many marriages are destined to fail. Instead of rejection, he encourages a ministry of grace to divorced persons with a reference to Jesus' emphasis on personal needs over rules. This book is long overdue. It will be an invaluable purchase, and a gift of grace, for those experiencing both the pain of divorce and the disapproval of fellow believers."

—Freda V. Crews, D.Min., Ph.D., host of the internationally syndicated television program Time for Hope

"Finally someone wrote the book that many of us have been waiting to read. . . . While upholding lifelong marriage as the ideal, Dr. Carter exposes the true dilemma the divorced face—rejection by their church family and abandonment by the very institution that has been their spiritual home for years. Reminding us there are real people behind every failed marriage, Dr. Carter draws a distinction between the law with its capacity to wound and God's grace with its power to heal. . . .Grace and Divorce is compelling, truthful yet compassionate, comprehensive, and biblically based."

—Kari West, author, When He Leaves and founder of Take Hope to Heart

"At last! Grace and Divorce achieves harmonious balance of biblical doctrine and biblical grace toward divorce. This is a very practical, user-friendly book that pastors, counselors, and church leaders will turn to again and again as they minister to hurting people."

—Steve Grissom, founder, DivorceCare

"Carter, psychotherapist and author of more than 20 books, addresses one of the diciest subjects in the evangelical world: divorce. Christians, he says, ought not to treat divorces as second-class citizens, intrusively question them about the 'biblical grounds' for their divorce or pretend they have nothing left to offer their church or friends (all of which happen regularly, according to examples Carter cites from his counseling experience). Exactly how Christians should respond is less clear, aside from a general directive to recognize that we all fail to fully live up to Christian standards and thus need to respond with grace. Carter directs that divorcs or those headed toward divorce — even when clearly abusing their new-found freedom — should not be confronted until after they have been allowed to share in depth their pain and perspective, whether this takes 'ten minutes... or ten months.' He cautions strongly against the urge to guide someone in how they should proceed, believing that this kind of 'imperative thinking' displays self-centeredness and a desire for control. While the book is a thoughtful approach to a difficult topic, many readers will feel that Carter is so grace-focused as to be off-balance. Serious readers looking for advice on how to best approach friends on the subject will be perplexed by the lack of specific instruction." Publishers Weekly (Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information, Inc.)

"Grace and Divorce, written by noted author and psychotherapist, Dr. Les Carter, provides sound theological thinking on divorce and wise and compassionate suggestions for reframing and deepening our understanding of this difficult and controversial topic. Using stories from his practice as a therapist, Dr. Carter offers healing to both those who divorce and those who know and love them. He explains that Jesus never intended us to be so fixed about right and wrong and so judgmental that we lose the ability to love those who do not meet His perfect standards. With kindness and love, he shows that the wonderful gift of Gods grace is the best way to respond to people facing this trying life challenge.

Never easy for anyone, divorce can be especially painful for Christians trying to follow the teachings of the New Testament. It can result not only in feelings of personal and spiritual failure but also in being ostracized from church, shunned by friends and family, and alienated from dearly held beliefs and truths. But there is a different but no less faithful way for Christians to view those who divorce.

Grace and Divorce, written by noted author and psychotherapist, Dr. Les Carter, author of The Anger Trap, provides sound theological thinking on divorce and wise and compassionate suggestions for reframing and deepening our understanding of this difficult and controversial topic. Using stories from his practice as a therapist, Dr. Carter offers healing to both those who divorce and those who know and love them. He explains that Jesus never intended us to be so fixed about right and wrong and so judgmental that we lose the ability to love those who do not meet His perfect standards. With kindness and love, he shows that the wonderful gift of God's grace is the best way to respond to people facing this trying life challenge.

In Grace and Divorce, Dr. Carter reveals how Christians can both uphold the ideals of marriage and provide support and love for people in the throes of divorce. The grace of God is not limited to those who are perfect; it is poured out on all of us, regardless of our failings.

Les Carter, Ph.D., is the senior psychotherapist at the Minirth Clinic, Richardson, Texas, where he has maintained a private counseling practice since 1980. He is a nationally recognized expert on topics including conflict resolution, emotions and spirituality, and marriage and family relationships. He is the author of twenty books including the bestselling The Anger Workbook, The Anger Trap, The Anger Workbook for Christian Parents, and The Freedom From Depression Workbook. Dr. Carter can be reached at www.angerexpert.com.

Acknowledgments.

Introduction.

1. But You Must Have Biblical Grounds!

2. Adam’s Nature, God’s Grace.

3. Enter the Law.

4. Christ’s Impossible Standard and His Enduring Grace.

5. The Perfect Principle.

6. Mercy’s Priority.

7. Grace Is Radical.

8. The Perils of Imperative Thinking.

9. What Divorcees Need.

10. What About Grace Abusers?

11. Why Are People Judgmental?

12. Glue for Broken Marriages.

13. Grace for All.

The Author.