Cassandra French's Finishing School for Boys: A Novel

Cassandra French is a twenty-nine-year-old business affairs lawyer for a movie studio in Los Angeles. She has a creepy, platitudinous mother who is under house arrest for telemarketing fraud; and two best friends: studio exec Claire, who's sleeping with her shrink, and Lexi, a blond man-magnet of a yoga instructor. Oh, and she also has three handsome young men chained to cots in her basement. They're enrolled in Cassandra French's Finishing School For Boys.

Cassie has spent years in the dating hell that is Los Angeles, finding man after man who doesn't quite match up to her exacting standards. When Owen, a promising young man she meets at a baseball game, becomes a glassy eyed drunk by the seventh inning, she decides that all he needs is a little push in the right direction; after he passes out in her car, she brings him home, locks him up downstairs, and commences a year and a half of lessons on color coordination, behavior on dates, and ocassionally, sex. Owen proves an able student and is followed by two other likely candidates.

Things start to get a little complicated when Jason Kelly, Hollywood's biggest heartthrob, tries to seduce Cassie into fudging a contract issue on one of his movies. That's no way to treat a lady — and Cassie has just the cure.

With an endearingly amoral heroine, a pitch-perfect L.A. setting, and a cast of unforgettably warped characters, Cassandra French's Finishing School for Boys is a shockingly funny, original, dead on satire of the dating scene.

"A Hollywood lawyer concocts a powerful new weapon in the war between the sexes in this spicy Tinseltown satire from Garcia (Matchstick Men, etc.). The fun begins when Cassandra French, a movie studio lawyer, anesthetizes three of her would-be paramours, then locks them up in her basement. There she conducts 'finishing school' courses to transform them into perfect gentlemen. All goes swimmingly until French is asked out by beefcake movie star Jason Kelly, only to discover he was using her to set up a lawsuit against her studio. French gets revenge by abducting Kelly, but the plot twists come fast and furious after he accidentally electrocutes himself, leaving her to dispose of the body. At the cheeky climax, French's gorgeous, air-headed yoga instructor friend takes the finishing school concept in a startling new direction. French's penchant for great one-liners is matched by Garcia's imaginative plotting and his dead-on satire of life in L.A., Hollywood and the movie industry. The oddball conceit makes this novel an unlikely winner, but Garcia has crafted a quirky, pedal-to-the-metal satiric romp that remains fresh, likable and funny from start to finish. Agent, Barbara J. Zitwer. (June) Forecast: Garcia's Rex novels (most recently Hot and Sweaty Rex) are cult hits; his more straightforward Matchstick Men was made into the 2003 movie starring Nicolas Cage. This chick-lit-goes-gonzo follow-up could be his breakout book." Publishers Weekly (Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information, Inc.)

"Garcia shows himself an adroit student of the chick-lit genre — before giving it a serious goosing....Bridget Jones with a chainsaw: don't be surprised if this is one of the more popular beach-reads of the summer." Kirkus Reviews

Sex and the City meets Misery in this shockingly funny, original, dead-on satire of the dating scene in Los Angeles.

Eric Garcia is currently at work on Hot and Sweaty Rex, the third novel in his acclaimed series about dinosaur detective Vincent Rubio. He is also developing a series for the SciFi Channel based on the Rex novels. He lives outside Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.