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The De-Textbook: The Stuff You Didn't Know about the Stuff You Thought You Knewby Cracked
Synopses & Reviews
From the most-read humor site on the internet, Cracked.com
YOU MIGHT BE A ZOMBIEand#133;
You're going to wish you never picked up this book.
Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:
* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.
* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.
* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.
* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.
* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.
If youand#8217;re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, youand#8217;ll love what you find in YOU MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE from the twisted minds at Cracked.
You are an idiot.
Don't get defensive! It's not your fault. For decades your teachers, authority figures and textbooks have been lying to you. You do not have five senses. Your tongue doesn't have neatly segregated taste-bud zones. You don't know what the pyramids really looked like. You're even pooping wrong - Jesus, you're a wreck!
But it's going to be okay. Because we're here to help. Packed with more sexy facts than the Encyclopedia Pornographica, the Cracked De-Textbook will teach you about the true stars of history, why you picture everything from Velociraptors to Ancient Rome incorrectly, and finally, at long last - how to pop a proper squat. This book was built from the ground up to systematically seek out, dismantle and destroy the many untruths that years of misguided education have left festering inside of you, and leave you a smarter person...whether you like it or not. The De-Textbook is a merciless, brutal learning machine. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are informed.
Uh-oh. The New York Times bestselling authors from Cracked.com are back again . . .
Its Cracked, but true. You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News was a New York Times bestseller and has already returned to print seven times. Now, the writers at the Internets #1 most-read humor site have created a dementedly hilarious textbook parody. By the time we were out of school, wed learned that spinach is full of iron, there are three primary colors, and we have five senses. Unfortunately, these and most of the other facts” we crammed into our heads are simply not true. The Detextbook is here to erase it all—easily, painlessly, and hilariously.
About the Author
Founded in 1958 as a print publication, Cracked.com has been published exclusively online since 2006. Jack OBrien, the sites editor in chief, lives in New York.
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