The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How To Stop Being Abused and How To Stop Abusing

"Engel doesn’t just describe–she shows us the way out."

–Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship

"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse."

–Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse

and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse

"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them."

–Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook

and owner of BPDCentral.com

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world’s leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it.

Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse.

By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

In the bestselling tradition of The EmotionallyAbused Woman

Emotional abuse is a major epidemic in our culture. Now, in her new book, Beverly Engel identifies the types of emotionally abusive behavior and provides strategies to help those who are being abused to confront their partner and begin making the necessary changes that will transform their relationship. She also shows emotionally abusive people how to stop abusing and offers help to couples who have slipped into a mutually unhealthy style of interacting. With her combination of dramatic personal stories and action steps to heal, Engel reveals how both victims and abusers can prevent emotional abuse in the future.

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out."

-Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship

"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse."

-Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse

and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse

"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them."

-Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook

and owner of BPDCentral.com

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it.

Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse.

By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

Emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. The number of people who are emotional abusers or who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally is phenomenal. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world’s leading experts on emotional abuse, shows us how to stop the cycle of abuse.

Engel’s work in the field has helped her gain a great deal of insight and empathy for both the victim and the abuser. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship shows emotionally abused people how to help themselves, as well as showing emotionally abusive people how to stop abusing. Engel covers all aspects of emotional abuse, including the patterns that begin in childhood, teaching us how to identify and understand emotional abuse. This prescriptive book combines dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal. Focusing on the dynamics of an emotionally abusive relationship, Engel provides strategies that will allow partners to work together to resolve their issues and stop the abuse. Her step-by-step program provides the skills needed to:

• Spot the warning signs that a partner is a potential abuser
• Establish firmer boundaries and develop a stronger sense of self
• Cope with the anger, stress, and insecurities that propel abuse
• Confront the abuser when he or she becomes abusive
• Stop blaming and start taking responsibility
• Determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving
• Prevent emotional abuse in the future

Engel also includes pertinent information on borderline personality disorder and its effects, as well as a section offering partners of individuals with BPD strategies for dealing with the types of emotional abuse they are likely to experience.

If you’re being abused, if you’re the abusive partner, or if you’re part of a couple who is abusing one another, this book can help you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need to stop the abuse now–and start getting the help your relationship needs.

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized therapist with an expertise in abuse, women’s issues, relationships, and sexuality. She is the author of several nonfiction books, including Loving Him without Losing You, Honor Your Anger, The Power of Apology, and The Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Donahue, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael, and others.

Acknowledgments.

Introduction.

Part One: Identifying and Understanding Emotional Abuse.

1. Emotional Abuse?The Destroyer of Relationships.

2. Patterns of Abuse.

3. Not All Emotionally Abusive Relationships Are Alike.

4. Patterns That Begin in Childhood: Why We Abuse and Why We Take It.

Part Two: Stopping the Abuse.

5. Action Steps for Those Being Abused.

6. Action Steps for the Abusive Partner.

7. Action Steps for the Abusive Couple.

8. When Your Partner Has a Personality Disorder.

9. When Your Abusiveness Stems from Your Personality Disorder.

Part Three: Where Do You Go from Here?

10. Should You Stay or Should You Leave?

11. Preventing Emotional Abuse in the Future.

12. Continuing to Recover.

Epilogue.

References.

Further Reading.

Websites and Chat Rooms.

Index.