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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

by Alfie Kohn

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason Cover

Staff Pick

A must read! Parenting has come around to attachment again, and moved far, far away from the punitive cruelties of Victorian caregivers. Alfie Kohn has applied, in academic terms, the reasons to parent unconditionally. We have evolved!
Recommended by Mary Z., Powells.com

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need — and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting — including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

Review:

"Powerful alternatives to help children become their most caring, responsible selves."

-- Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen . . .

Synopsis:

From a nationally respected educator, the author of "Punished by Rewards" and "The Schools Our Children Deserve," comes a provocative challenge to the conventional wisdom about raising children.

Table of Contents

Contents

Introduction

1: Conditional Parenting

2: Giving and Withholding Love

3: Too Much Control

4: Punitive Damages

5: Pushed To Succeed

6: What Holds Us Back?

7: Principles of Unconditional Parenting

8: Love Without Strings Attached

9: Choices for Children

10: The Childs Perspective

Appendix • Parenting Styles: The Relevance of Culture, Class, and Race

Notes

References

Acknowledgments

Index

What Our Readers Are Saying

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Average customer rating based on 1 comment:
Reina, September 18, 2007 (view all comments by Reina)
This is a different kind of parenting book, but I am very glad I read it (carefully and with an open mind).Some will dismiss this book as advocating permissiveness or being idealistic. Kohn addresses the former logically and persuasively (that he is not advocating it, but a different parenting style altogether) and the latter, if he is too idealistic, it is about how parents can change rather than how children should be treated. I have 2 young children and this book voiced much of what I had been feeling and frightened me in that I saw so much I could change. His reccommendations are hard to implement but worth it, not just in light of his well-researched arguements, but from reflection my own thoughts and feelings.
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Product Details

ISBN:
9780743487481
Subtitle:
Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
Author:
Kohn, Alfie
Publisher:
Atria Books
Subject:
Parenting
Subject:
Parent and child
Subject:
Parenting - General
Subject:
General Family & Relationships
Subject:
Child rearing
Copyright:
Edition Description:
B102
Publication Date:
January 2005
Binding:
Paperback
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Pages:
264
Dimensions:
8.42x5.56x.65 in. .53 lbs.

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