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What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom about Love, Life and Comedyby Susie Essman
Synopses & Reviews
IN WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?, Susie Essman sheds the crasser layers to reveal how she went from an anxiety-ridden, struggling stand-up comic to being one of the funniest women on television, playing Susie Greene on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.
WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...
"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."
MEN WITH DOGS?
"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."
THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?
"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"
"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides — the more you spend, the more they love you."
WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.
This collection contains essays on a variety of topics from Greene of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" fame and Essman, both known for taking no prisoners and cutting the crap.
Susie Essman has played the venomous Susie Greene for all six seasons of the critically-acclaimed HBO comedy series, Curb Your Enthusiasm. As a resident of Manhattan, she is a veteran of the world of standup comedy, logging thousands of performances on the Gotham comedy circuit. She has appeared in her own half-hour HBO comedy special, hosted the American Comedy Awards, and performed on Comedy Central's The Friar's Roast of Jerry Stiller, Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Law and Order, plus much more. Essman has appeared in many films, including Keeping the Faith, The Man and The Siege, amongst others. Her talent and audacity made her a natural choice to perform off-Broadway in the play The Vagina Monologues. Currently, you can catch her as host of the new Bravo reality series Better Half and hear her as the voice of Helen Higgins in the animation crank call series Crank Yankers on Comedy Central. She is also starring in the new Disney animated film Bolt, alongside John Travolta and Miley Cyrus.
About the Author
Susie Essman has played the sassy Susie Greene for all seven seasons of the critically acclaimed HBO comedy series Curb Your Enthusiasm. Her hilarious bouts of withering sarcasm and her uninhibited insults have become her character’s trademark, and her streetwise vernacular is perfectly suited for her life in Manhattan, where she has been a veteran of the world of stand-up comedy for twenty-five years. She divides her time between New York City and upstate New York, where she lives with her husband, four stepchildren, and two dogs.
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