You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

"Can’t a girl dress like a hooker, dance like a stripper, and kiss like a porn star and still be a nineteen-year-old virgin?"

You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again is the laugh-out-loud story of an attractive Los Angeles woman who found herself in the predicament of being an unwilling virgin. As an actress, writer, and stand-up comedienne, Heather McDonald passed up ample opportunities to have her V-card revoked by handsome, rich, and sometimes even fabulously famous men, but she could not bring herself to do "it" until well after her friends had been deflowered.

As Chelsea Handler so lovingly puts it, "Thank God Heather waited twenty-seven years to lose her virginity or she wouldn't have any material for this book." Whether in a backseat, a community pool, or a sports stadium, with a frat boy, a doctor, or an A-list celebrity, Heather McDonald knew how to turn those boys blue. Unlike "putting out," blue balling might not have paid her rent or landed her free trips to Hawaii, but it did provide her with hilarious stories and adventures in her search for true love—and, ultimately, her very own happy ending. Now, Heather McDonald will never blue ball in this town again.

"McDonald was a virgin until she was 27, not for religious reasons, but because she was waiting for Mr. Right. She went on numerous dates, got taken to lots of expensive restaurants, and was broken up with in countless creative ways. While explaining her saga, McDonald recalls the pivotal stages of her life: adolescence, the sorority years, her single twenties. The goal is a chronicle of a wacky LA life, but one woman's wacky is another woman's 'whatever' and McDonald, who obviously wants to be seen as a clever, self-deprecating free spirit, comes off more like a poor man's west coast Candace Bushnell. Instead of laughing, readers will likely get the awkward feeling that comes at a party when a sorority girl proclaims her sobriety after a few too many trips to the keg." Publishers Weekly (Copyright PWyxz LLC)

Heather McDonald, a story editor and performer on Chelsea Lately, chronices her 27 years of virginity in hilarious detail.

Besides performing standup comedy, Heather McDonald is a full-time writer and story producer on the E!’s top rated show, Chelsea Lately. Heather can be seen weekly either on the roundtable or performing in the comedy sketches on Chelsea Lately. She co-wrote White Chicks with the Wayans brothers and had a featured role in the movie.  She appeared in the Wayans Brother’s Dance Flick, was a regular on MTV’s Lyricist Lounge, and had guest roles on hit TV shows like Frasier, Malcolm in the Middle, and Reno 911. Heather and her husband, Peter, have been married for nine years and have three children.  They reside in the San Fernando Valley next door to her parents just in case they run out of milk, Chardonnay, or need one of her dad’s Vicodin.