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What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayalby John M. Gottman
Synopses & Reviews
One of the foremost relationship experts at work today applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple. He decodes the “why” behind betrayal and shows how partners can avoid or recover from unfaithfulness and maintain a loving relationship.
Dr. John Gottman, the country’s pre-eminent researcher on marriage, is famous for his Love Lab at the University of Washington in Seattle where he deciphers the mysteries of human relationships through scientific research. His thirty-five years of exploration have earned him numerous major awards, including from the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Psychological Association, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Now, Dr. Gottman offers surprising findings and advice on the characteristic that is at the heart of all relationships: Trust. Dr. Gottman has developed a formula that precisely calculates any couple’s loyalty level. The results determine a relationship’s likely future, including the potential for one or both partners to stray.
A Love You Can Trust shows couples how to bolster their trust level and avoid what Dr. Gottman calls the “Roach Motel for Lovers.” He describes how the outcome of—“sliding door moments,” small pivotal points between a couple, can lead either to more emotional connection or to discontent. He suggests a new approach to handling adultery and reveals the varied and unexpected non-sexual ways that couples often betray each other. A Love You Can Trust guides couples through an empirically tested, trust-building program that will let them repair and maintain a long-term, intimate, and romantic relationship.
"Gottman and Silver (coauthors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) bring the quantitative, physiological metrics-based methods pioneered in Gottman's 'Love Lab' at the University of Washington to the topics of trust, betrayal, and infidelity. In an easy-to-understand format full of anecdotes, imaginary dialogues, and analogies to game theory, Gottman explains lack of trust in a relationship as a deficit of attunement, positing that once the body becomes 'flooded' by physiological stress reactions, attempts to repair communication fail. He explains betrayal as a logical outcome of a pattern in which partners fail to communicate their discontent, one partner becomes untrustworthy and makes negative comparisons between the partner and some other person or situation, and the injured partner seeks solace elsewhere. Though clear that there are various types of betrayal (e.g., absenteeism, making coalitions against a partner, and lying), much of the book covers communicating about and renewing sexuality as both a method for and a result of better attunement between partners. The practical tools to evaluate current relationships and step-by-step methods for avoiding betrayal, repairing relationships heading toward crisis, or healing a relationship after a crisis will be useful to couples who want to look honestly at healing chronic hurts and improving the state of their relationship, and are ready for a system to help them. Agent: TK. (Sept.)" Publishers Weekly Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
In this insightful book, celebrated research psychologist and couples counselor John Gottman plumbs the mysteries of love and shares the results of his famous and#8220;Love Laband#8221;: Where does love come from? Why does some love last, and why does some fade? And how can we keep it alive? Based on laboratory findings, this book shows readers how to identify signs, behaviors, and attitudes that indicate a fraying relationship and provides strategies for repairing what may seem lost or broken.
IN THIS WISE, ACCESSIBLE, AND LONG-AWAITED BOOK, celebrated research psychologist and couples counselor John Gottman plumbs the mysteries of love: Where does it come from? Why does some love last, and why does some fade? andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Gottman has spent decades observing the conversational patterns and biorhythms of thousands and thousands of couples in his famous and#8220;Love Lab.and#8221; Now he applies this research to fundamental questions about trust and betrayal. Doubts are common in relationships. Partners often worry. Can I trust my partner? Am I being betrayed? How do I know for sure? Based on laboratory findings, this book shows readers how to identify signs, behaviors, and attitudes that indicate betrayaland#8212;whether sexual or notand#8212;and provides strategies for repairing what may seem lost or broken. With a gift for translating complex scientific ideas into insightful and practical advice, Gottman explains how a couple can protect or recover their greatest giftand#8212;their love for one another.
About the Author
andlt;bandgt;John Gottman andlt;/bandgt;is the author of numerous academic articles and author or coauthor of forty books, including the bestselling andlt;iandgt;The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Workandlt;/iandgt;. He lives on Orcas Island, Washington.andlt;bandgt;andlt;/bandgt;
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