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The Last Testamentby David Javerbaum
Synopses & Reviews
In this ultimate celebrity autobiography, bestselling author God will "telleth-all" for the first time, going behind-the-chapters of the Old Testament, offering frank and hilarious insights about fatherhood and bringing the gospels into modernity with a New New Testament.
From the creation of the universe to jeggings, the Lord Almighty has been a pivotal player in nearly all the major decisions of the past twenty epochs. Now, for the first time since He wrote whichever holy book you happen to believe in, God offers startling "dish" about all aspects of the universe and creatures therein, starting with Adam and Steve (you read right) and ending with Snooki. He will also address hot-button topics like prayer in school and evolution; put to rest long-standing disputes concerning which athletes and teams He actually supports; and offer His "inside picks" for the next 93 Super Bowls. The Last Testament is sure to appeal to a broad base of readers, from the most ardent apocalyptist to the most blasphemous Darwinian.
"The Almighty opens up in this blithely blasphemous satire of monotheism. Ex-Daily Show writer Javerbaum (America: The Book) recounts God's Creation of the Garden of Eden (it actually was Adam and Steve before the sex-change procedure); the presentation of the Mosaic Law to safeguard 'the long-term neurosis of the Jewish people;' the ministry of Jesus, which a dubious God considers a masochistic performance piece by an overly sensitive middle Child; the founding of Islam, which Allah Himself is a bit scared of; and a mid-life dalliance with younger universes when He feels taken for granted by irreligious moderns. Along the way, God regales readers with gossip about what celebrities do when they think they're alone, relationship advice — 'Once thou hast Chosen someone, they are thine to tease, torment and disappoint forever' — and 300 signs of the apocalypse, including Sarah Palin's presidential run. God cherishes one-liners — 'my two favorite baseball teams are the Minnesota Twins and whoever is playing the Cubs' — but he's also a complex, troubled Deity: vain, petulant, desperate for praise and burnt offerings, guiltily pensive in the after-wrath of unhinged smitings. Adherents of every Abrahamic faith will find plenty of hilarious, offensive manna for thought in these revelations. Photos." Publishers Weekly Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
"Damned comical. Amen." Kirkus Reviews
"A blithely blasphemous satire of monotheism....Adherents of every Abrahamic faith will find plenty of hilarious, offensive manna for thought in these revelations." Publishers Weekly
"Oh, God... There are enough laughs here, not to mention a dazzling underlying knowledge of theology, to give plenty of props to Javerbaum." Booklist (starred review)
"A 'memoir' by God [The Last Testament] does what The Daily Show does so well — it satirizes religion by both taking it seriously and not taking it seriously at all, using humor to both point out the inconsistencies of the holiest texts and to describe God's codependent relationship with celebrities." Salon.com
"No doubt the old rogue savors the irony that the most appreciative readers of his Last Testament are likely to be atheists. He might even have written it specially for them." The Atheist Conservative.com
"I can't be sure, but I think the famously blasphemous Mark Twain (who once said he didn't want to go to heaven because he hated harp music) would have chuckled his way through Javerbaum's book. Maybe even snorted. Because it's very funny. Offensive to some, for sure, but very funny." A. J. Jacobs for The Globe & Mail
"An irreverent look at Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, sparing no religion, or religious leaders, any barbs." The Christian Post
"Presented as 'A Memoir by God,' the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It's a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville — Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go! — determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce." Ron Charles, The Washington Post
"Spit-take funny." The Jewish Daily Forward
Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of andlt;Iandgt;American Idol andlt;/Iandgt;into the postand#8211;Simon Cowell era. andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, andlt;Iandgt;The Last Testamentandlt;/Iandgt;. andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Awardand#8211;winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smithand#8217;s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, andlt;Bandgt;WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.andlt;/Bandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;But andlt;Iandgt;The Last Testament andlt;/Iandgt;doesnand#8217;t just look back. It also offers Godand#8217;s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as: andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;and#8226; Why he loves America andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;and#8226; What he listens for in a good prayer andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;and#8226; Which sports teams he really roots for andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;and#8226; Which celebrities are totally gay andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, andlt;Iandgt;The Last Testament andlt;/Iandgt;is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. Itand#8217;s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and and#8220;worshipers,and#8221; but to andlt;Iandgt;anyone andlt;/Iandgt;whoand#8217;s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it andlt;Iandgt;The Last Testamentandlt;/Iandgt;.
The ultimate celebrity autobiography by God, who will "telleth-all" for the first time.
About the Author
GOD has been grabbing headlines ever since first creating the universe. Indeed, the multi-talented deity has been involved in the development of every single thing that has ever happened, including the Crusades, plate tectonics, and Seinfeld. His previous serious works as an author, The Old Testament, The New Testament, and The Koran have sold an impressive five billion copies, with the first two in particular coming to be collectively regarded as something of a bible of their field.
David Javerbaum is a comedy writer living in New York.
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