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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving with the Self-Absorbedby Wendy Terrie Behary
Synopses & Reviews
Everyone knows someone who is impossible to please, critical, judgmental, picky, and stubbornly closed-minded. These are symptoms of a disorder called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), but its common for people to have subclinical levels of some or all of these qualities. Most of the time, its best to avoid the difficult to please person, but what happens when he or she is a close family member, coworker, or even a spouse? Its still possible to maintain a positive relationship with the right tools. Impossible to Please, written by the authors of Toxic Coworkers, is a manual for dealing with these difficult people without sitting through stressful arguments, vicious insults and attacks, and passive-aggressive behavior. It empowers readers to take charge of the relationship and regain their dignity and confidence in interactions with these individuals.
This book features specific strategies that are immediately effective when conversing with critical people and explains how readers can respond to unfair blame without becoming angry or overly defensive. By setting boundaries, improving communication, and asserting themselves, readers learn to deal with the impossible to please in romantic relationships, friendships, family, and work relationships.
"Everyone knows a narcissist, one of those vainglorious individuals in desperate need of constant affirmation and attention. Cognitive therapist Behary's book argues that by modifying your own behavior, you can manage your relationship with such a person. Separating narcissism into categories (spoiled, dependent, deprived and combinations thereof) and exploring the causes of the disorder, the author hopes to assist the reader in overcoming the emotional obstacles involved in interaction with a boss, spouse, friend or relative. Rather than focus on changing the narcissist (which may be impossible), this book aims to help the reader improve self-knowledge to see why the narcissist pushes his or her buttons and how to cope. Some of the instruments Behary provides — such as checklists, flash cards, journal writing — are useful for determining the type of narcissist you are dealing with and how your past experiences affect your responses. The author acknowledges that her book is no panacea, and she doesn't present the reader with strategies for when the narcissist isn't responsive to the actions she has suggested. Notwithstanding this caveat, Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
"Disarming the Narcissist" offers several strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Readers can learn how to move past the narcissist's defenses with compassionate, empathetic communication and avoid unnecessary power struggles.
Disarming the Narcissist is a step-by-step guide to treating and communicating with narcissists with compassion and empathy in a way that still preserves the reader's personal boundaries and sanity.
From the authors of Toxic Coworkers comes Impossible to Please, a guide to communicating with and understanding coworkers, partners, and family members who are stubborn, critical, perfectionistic, and judgmental. These qualities are associated with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).
How can you handle the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. You might need to interact with some of them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one-so sometimes it just doesn't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. Disarming the Narcissist offers a host of effective strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe.
Disarming the Narcissist will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
About the Author
Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and a faculty member at the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York. She is also a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and couples therapy.
Jeffrey Young, PhD, is the founder and director of the Schema Therapy Institute Schema Therapy Institute in New York, NY.
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