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The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependence - The Other Side of Co-Dependencyby Janae Weinhold
Synopses & Reviews
Counterdependence is the little-known flip side of the common psychological pathology of codependence. In The Flight from Intimacy, psychologists Barry and Janae Weinhold isolate this phenomenon as the major barrier in creating intimate relationships. People with counterdependent behaviors appear strong, secure, and successful on the outside, while on the inside they are weak, fearful, insecure, and needy. They function well in the world of business but are often failures at intimate relationships. Being in a relationship with this kind of person can be extremely frustrating and even dangerous. The Flight From Intimacy shows readers how to recognize and deal with these people. And for those who see themselves in the description, the book provides strategies for change. The Weinholds teach readers how to use their committed relationships to heal lingering — and damaging — childhood wounds. They also offer proven ways to use conflicts as opportunities to create trusting, truly partnered relationships.
"In 1987, Melody Beattie introduced codependence to the masses with her bestseller Codependent No More. The Weinholds, husband-and-wife psychologists and cofounders of the Carolina Institute for Conflict Resolution & Creative Leadership, weighed in with 1999's Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap (recently republished by NWL); here, they look at counter-dependence, the little-discussed, hard-to-pin-down yin to co-dependency's yang. Counter-dependency is characterized by controlling and self-centered behavior: where co-dependents cling to others, counter-dependents push them away; where co-dependents have low self esteem, counter-dependents have 'falsely inflated self-esteem'; co-dependents are people-pleasers, whereas counter-dependents are people controllers. The results are 'loneliness, alienation and a sense of 'quiet desperation.'' The Weinholds do a clear and thorough job discussing and dissecting counter-dependency as a key factor behind failed relationships, and also make a case for its role in high profile church scandals, post-traumatic stress disorder in returning soldiers and even the collapse of the housing market. Packed with information taken from the Weinholds' 23 years of research and counseling, this isn't a light read, but case studies, charts and exercises, along with practical tips, keep things moving. While the notion that unresolved childhood issues continue to play out in adult relationships is nothing new, the Weinholds' insight and emphasis on self-sufficiency should help readers break free from dysfunctional behavioral patterns." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
Do you know someone who...
— Has trouble being close to others?
— Has a strong need to be right all the time?
— Acts self-centered and egotistical?
— Never asks for help?
— Expects perfection in self and others?
— Seldom appears vulnerable or weak?
— Has difficulty relaxing?
If so, this person may suffer from counter-dependency, the little-known flip side of co-dependency. The Flight from Intimacy, by psychologists Janae and Barry Weinhold, reveals counter-dependency as the major barrier to creating intimate relationships. People with counter-dependent behaviors appear strong, secure, and successful on the outside, while on the inside they feel weak, fearful, insecure, and needy. They function well in the world of business but often struggle in intimate relationships. Being in a relationship with this kind of person can be extremely frustrating.The Flight from Intimacy shows readers how to recognize and cope with counter-dependent people. And if you recognize yourself in the description above, this book will help you learn how to change. It teaches readers how to use committed relationships to heal childhood wounds and provides proven ways to use conflicts as opportunities for creating intimate, partnership relationships.
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