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You Suck: A Love Storyby Christopher Moore
You Suck is a comedy with real bite! Fans of Christopher Moore or vampire fiction (or just curious newcomers) will find this a juicy, deliciously hilarious tale. Read it freely... and leave behind some of the happiness you bring!
Synopses & Reviews
You bitch, you killed me. You suck!
Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.
Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody — the woman of his dreams — is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.
For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)
Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.
And that really sucks.
"Moore's latest (after 2006's A Dirty Job) is a cheerfully perverse, gut-busting tale of young vampires in love. Nineteen-year-old Tommy is a bewildered hipster recently relocated to San Francisco from Incontinence, Ind. His sarcastic redhead (and bloodsucking) girlfriend, Jody, brings him into the fold of the undead ('I wanted us to be together,' she says). Tommy, understandably, has mixed feelings; vampirism has its perks (you can turn to mist, live forever and the sex is awesome), but sunlight is death and blood hunger makes you do some pretty foul things. Also, the duo is hunted by Elijah, the ancient vampire who 'turned' Jody and wants her back, and a band of Safeway stock boys/amateur vampire hunters known as the Animals (with whom pre-dark side Tommy once rolled). With the assistance of their devoted minion, goth girl Abby Normal, whose hilarious diary entries form part of the narrative, Tommy and Jody evade their pursuers, feeding at night and conking out at dawn, all the while learning how vampirism complicates love. Moore writes with the jittery energy of a brilliant, charming class clown, mixing sex and gore and a potty mouth with a goofy-sweet sensibility to deliver laughs on nearly every page." Publishers Weekly (Starred Review) (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
"[A] fitfully entertaining...sequel to his 1995 romp, Bloodsucking Fiends....Moore handles its goofier-than-thou plot adroitly....Think of a collaboration among Anne Rice, S.J. Perelman, and Pedro Almodóvar." Kirkus Reviews
"Happy endings for pretty much everybody conclude Moore's hilarious mockery of the pursuit of the appetites." Booklist
"Because You Suck vacillates between goth gags and actual blood-guzzling, it ought to be a tricky balancing act for Mr. Moore. But he glides comfortably through the book's loony little corner of San Francisco and through drastic changes of mood." Janet Maslin, New York Times
"It's fun, funny and just a little gross — what more could anyone ask?...There are pretenders, but Moore is the only author who has mastered the combination of horror and humor, doing for horror what Carl Hiaasen does for crime novels." Rocky Mountain News
"You Suck is the literary equivalent of a Marx Brothers film: If readers don't go into it expecting great revelations and remember to say the magic words (it's OK to read for fun), they'll finish this offering with a smile on their faces..." Denver Post
"It's literature for the YouTube generation: easily digestible, frequently funny and rigorously insubstantial. Still, there's a sweetness to Moore's writing that helps get you (and his characters) through the night." Dallas-Ft. Worth Star Telegram
Waking up after a fantastic night unlike any he's ever had, C. Thomas Flood discovers the woman of his dreams is a vampire, and surprise, he's one now, too. Making their relationship work is the least of their problems. A dangerous faction of old longteeth is bent on wiping out new vampires.
About the Author
Christopher Moore is the author of nine previous novels: A Dirty Job, The Stupidest Angel, Fluke, Lamb, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, Island of the Sequined Love Nun, Bloodsucking Fiends, Coyote Blue, and Practical Demonkeeping. He divides his time between San Francisco and Hawaii. He invites readers to e-mail him at BSFiends@aol.com.
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