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1 Local Warehouse Humor- Narrative

The 776 nastiest things ever said


The 776 nastiest things ever said Cover


Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

On Accidents:

If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune, and if anybody pulled him out that, I suppose, would be a calamity.

Benjamin Disraeli, British prime minister, on rival prime minister William Gladstone

On Acting:

Telegram from actress Gertrude Lawrence, about her part in Private Lives:

Nothing wrong that can't be fixed.

Reply from playwright No‰ l Coward:

Nothing to be fixed except your performance.

On Acting Ability:

A great actress, from the waist down.

Dame Margaret Madge Kendal, actress, on renowned actress Sarah Bernhardt

On Acting, Bad:

Most of the acting could pass for government-inspected ham.

critic John Simon in a review of The Government Inspector as revived by Tony Randall and his New York company

On Acting Technique:

If a fetchingly cleft chin can be called a performance, Schell can be said to act.

critic John Simon on Maximilian Schell

On Acting Technique:

She has made an acting style out of postnasal drip.

critic Pauline Kael on Sandy Dennis

On Acting Technique:

[Sandy Dennis] has balanced her postnasal condition with something like prefrontal lobotomy, so that when she is not a walking catarrh she is a blithering imbecile.

critic John Simon in a review of The Fox

On Actors:

I deny I ever said that actors are cattle. What I said was, Actors should be treated like cattle.

director Alfred Hitchcock

On Actors:

Gene Wilder (playing a mild-mannered accountant in The Producers):

Have you lost your mind? How can you kill the actors? . . . Actors are not animals. They're human beings.


They are? Have you ever eaten with one?

On Actors, Egos of:

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor--unassisted.

attributed to Wilson Mizner, part owner of the famous Hollywood hangout the Brown Derby

On Actors in Politics:

My only problem with Ed Asner is that he speaks with the authority of Lou Grant and the brains of Ted Baxter.

John Leboutillier, conservative politician, on activist actor Ed Asner

On Actors, Not So Good:

He had delusions of adequacy.

Walter Kerr, critic, on an anonymous actor

On Actors, Overacting:

Burt Lancaster! Before he can pick up an ashtray, he discusses his motivation for an hour or two. You want to say, Just pick up the ashtray, and shut up!

Jeanne Moreau, actress

On Actors, Overwhelmingly Difficult:

Not since Attila the Hun swept across Europe leaving 500 years of total blackness has there been a man like Lee Marvin.

director Josh Logan

On Actors, Sexy:

You can look at De Niro in a film and think, Something's eating him. You look at Caan and think, He's eating something . . . pizza?

Kathy Huffhines on actor James Caan

On Actors, the Final Word:

They shot too many pictures and not enough actors.

columnist Walter Winchell

On Actors, The Final Final Word:

Don't ever forget what I'm going to tell you. Actors are crap.

famed Hollywood director John Ford

On Actors, Summation of Their Movies:

A Picture to Throw Up By.

actor Tom Skerritt describing The Devil's Rain, a film starring John Travolta

On Actresses:

Any of my indiscretions were with people, not actresses.

DarrylF. Zanuck, movie mogul, defending his affairs

On Actresses:

I made the mistake early in my career, when I moved to Hollywood, of being attracted to actresses. I used to go out exclusively with actresses and all other female impersonators.

Mort Sahl, humorist, in Heartland

On Adolescence, Political:

He is a man suffering from petrified adolescence.

Aneurin Bevan, Welsh Labour MP, on Winston Churchill

On Adolescence, Political:

. . . the highest-ranking withdrawn adolescent since Alexander Hamilton in 1794.

columnist Murray Kempton on Robert F. Kennedy

On Adolescence, Political:

I admire Ted Kennedy. How many 59-year-olds do you know who still go to Florida for spring break?

Pat Buchanan, columnist and then Republican presidential hopeful

On Advantages:

She has only two things going for her--a father and a mother.

critic John Simon on Liza Minnelli

On Agents:


I was swimming for two hours in shark-infested waters and I got away.

Herman J. Mankiewicz (screenwriter):

I think that's what they call professional courtesy.

On Aging:


I dread the thought of forty-five.

Actress Rosalind Russell:

Why? What happened to you then, dear?

On Aging:

Ronald Reagan is remarkably fit, but he doesn't cup his hand to his ear as a sunshade.

Sam Donaldson, journalist

On Aging Rockers, Why Not to

Show Topless:

Their skin had gone purple and blue. They looked like a couple of very unattractive old men, which is basically what they are.

Shem Law, Seventeen magazine art director, explaining why they didn't run a photo of bare-chested guitarist JoePerry (aged 43) and clothed singer Steve Tyler (46) of Aerosmith

On American Know-how:

Bennett, who had been secretary of education without solving the problems of education and drug czar without solving the problems of drugs, now wants to write a book on how to solve the problems of both. In America, this is what we call expertise.

Roger Simon, Baltimore Sun columnist

On Americans:

They are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Samuel Johnson, writer and lexicographer, on Americans

On Anchorpeople:

We call them Twinkies. You've seen them on television acting the news, modeling and fracturing the news while you wonder whether they've read the news--or if they've blow-dried their brains, too.

Linda Ellerbee, journalist and writer, in And So It Goes

On A


A hilarious collection of malicious, crude and catty quotes taken straight from the mouths of well-known entertainers, authors, politicians and other public figures.

Product Details

Petras, Kathryn
Harper Perennial
Petras, Ross
New York :
American wit and humor
Quotations, English
General Humor
Edition Number:
1st ed.
Edition Description:
Trade PB
Series Volume:
no. 94-5
Publication Date:
Grade Level:
6.46x6.14x.57 in. .32 lbs.

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » General
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Narrative

The 776 nastiest things ever said Used Trade Paper
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Product details 208 pages HarperPerennial,c1995. - English 9780060950606 Reviews:
"Synopsis" by , A hilarious collection of malicious, crude and catty quotes taken straight from the mouths of well-known entertainers, authors, politicians and other public figures.
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