by David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman Writers

It's like watching TV — with the added danger of paper cuts

Top Ten Apologies to People Buying This Book:

10.            Cheap glue will only hold the thing together for about six days.

9.            Some kids sneaked into the printing plant and added the word " ass" to a lot    of the lists.

8.            It costs about a dime to print one of these babies — now take a look at the retail price, sucker

7.            We're using the money we make to buy " little Dutch girl" outfits for Dave's poodles.

6.            The book was hastily assembled overseas by jabbering foreigners who don't give a damn about you or your family.

5.            A drunk maintenance guy fell into the press and parts of him appear on pages 68-87.

4.            Felt safe making jokes about the Amish on TV; forgot some of them might actually see the book.

3.            Dave insisted on writing some of these and we had to play along.

.

2.            There is no remote control. Don't look for one.

1.            The book ain't much better than the TV show.

by David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman Writers

It's like watching TV — with the added danger of paper cuts!

Top Ten Apologies to People Buying This Book:

10. Cheap glue will only hold the thing together for about six days.

9. Some kids sneaked into the printing plant and added the word "ass" to a lot of the lists.

8. It costs about a dime to print one of these babies — now take a look at the retail price, sucker!

7. We're using the money we make to buy "little Dutch girl" outfits for Dave's poodles.

6. The book was hastily assembled overseas by jabbering foreigners who don't give a damn about you or your family.

5. A drunk maintenance guy fell into the press and parts of him appear on pages 68-87.

4. Felt safe making jokes about the Amish on TV; forgot some of them might actually see the book.

3. Dave insisted on writing some of these and we had to play along.

.

2. There is no remote control. Don't look for one.

1. The book ain't much better than the TV show.

From the Hardcover edition.

by David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman Writers

It's like watching TV — with the added danger of paper cuts!

Top Ten Apologies to People Buying This Book:

10.      Cheap glue will only hold the thing together for about six days.

9.      Some kids sneaked into the printing plant and added the word "ass" to a lot  of the lists.

8.      It costs about a dime to print one of these babies — now take a look at the retail price, sucker!

7.      We're using the money we make to buy "little Dutch girl" outfits for Dave's poodles.

6.      The book was hastily assembled overseas by jabbering foreigners who don't give a damn about you or your family.

5.      A drunk maintenance guy fell into the press and parts of him appear on pages 68-87.

4.      Felt safe making jokes about the Amish on TV; forgot some of them might actually see the book.

3.      Dave insisted on writing some of these and we had to play along.

.

2.      There is no remote control. Don't look for one.

1.      The book ain't much better than the TV show.