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3 Beaverton Self Help- Relationships

This title in other editions

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better


I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better Cover


Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

In their weekly radio show and in their popular workshops, Gary and Joy Lundberg have already helped thousands of people and their families to communicate more effectively. Now, the Lundbergs address an all too common dilemma that arises when others expect you to solve their problems for them, showing readers how they can shed the no-win role of "fixer" and empower people to solve their own problems through validation--a simple yet profound communication tool that is essential to any healthy relationship. Refreshingly straightforward, this inspiring and entertaining work is poised to become a classic guide for anyone who wishes to improve relationships with their partner, children, colleagues and friends.


Combining a psychotherapist's clinical expertise with anecdotes, case studies and how-to's, this book presents six practical principles to empower others to solve their own problems while enriching their relationships.


Includes bibliographical references (p. [301]-302).

About the Author

Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Together with his wife, writer, speaker, lyricist and poet Joy Saunders Lundberg, they co-host a weekly radio show on relationships (Morning with the Lundbergs) and present seminars and workshops around the country. They are the parents of five children.

Joy Saunders Lundberg is a writer and speaker. Together with her husband Gary Lundberg she presents seminars and workshops throughout the country and cohosts a weekly radio show on relationships. The parents of five children, they live in Provo, Utah. Meet them on their Web site at

Table of Contents

Chapter Two: Principle 2 - Leave the Responsibility Where It Belongs

The Underlying Principle

Power and Desire

Offering Help

Making Decisions for Others

Responsibility for the Problem

If I Offer Help Am I Stuck?

Chapter Three: Principle 3 - Acknowledge Emotions

The Four Basic Emotions

Emotions Can Affect Our Physical Well-Being

Unintentional Teaching

So What Can We Do?

The Rules of Validation

To Argue or Not to Argue; That Is the Question

Get Out Of Yourself for a While

It Takes so Little Time

Begin Today

Chapter Four: Principle 4 - Develop the Art of Listening

Listening Is an Art

Listen for Information

Relief for the Listener

The Art of Questioning

Operative Words

The Great Invalidator

The Eyes Give Clues

Begin Today

Chapter Five: Principle 5 - Find the Right Time to Teach

When Does Learning Occur?

Why Not the Heat of the Moment?

Not All Questions Need Immediate Answers

The Time to Follow Up

Planned Teaching Times

Make It Happen

Begin Today

Chapter Six: Principle 6 - Learn the Effective Validating Phrases and Questions

Validating Phrases

Validating Questions

Begin Today

Part Two: The Application

Chapter Seven - How Validation Works with Young Children

Begin with Your Baby

Let Them Feel What They Are Feeling

Give Them a Chance to Solve the Problem

Try Their Point of View

Hold On to Your Boundaries

Eye to Eye Contact

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Resist Resolving

When Illness Strikes

The Universal Need

Begin Today

Chapter Eight: How Validation Works with Teenagers

It's Never Too Late

Help Them to Start Talking

Reinforce Values

Believe in Them

Discipline with Validation

Control Yourself

Silence Can Be Validating

They Can Make Wise Choices

Begin Today

Chapter Nine: How Validation Works with Adult Children

We Cannot Control Them

Don't Allow Them to Control You

Give Up Giving Advice

When They Blame You

Boomerang Children

When Their Lifestyles Don't Match Yours

The Universal Need

Begin Today

Chapter Ten: How Validation Works with a Spouse

What Gets in the Way?

What to Do About a No Good, Very Bad Day

Handling Disappointment

Stop Defending Your Position

Do It Over

The Male and Female Difference

Setting Family Values

Enjoy Each Other's Dreams

Plan Times Together

Sense Each Other's Needs

Begin Today

Chapter Eleven: How Validation Works with Parents and Parents-in-Law

Let Them Have Their Feelings

Don't Try to Change Their Thinking

Love, Honor, and Set Your Boundaries

Dealing with Death

Handling Abusive Behavior

When Senility Sets In

It's What We All Need

Begin Today

Chapter Twelve: How Validation Works with Divorced and Blended Families

Recognizing the Myths

You Are Newlyweds

The Parenting Challenge

Dealing with the Loneliness

Communicating with Your Ex

Answering the Questions

The Need for Boundaries

You Are Not My Dad (Mom)

Setting the Rules in a Blended Family

Unfulfilled Promises

The More People Who Love

Begin Today

Chapter Thirteen: How Validation Works with Friends

We All Need a Friend

Don't Tell a Friend What to Do

Setting Boundaries with Friends

When a Friend Loses a Loved One

Let Them Enjoy a Minicatharsis

Begin Today

Chapter Fourteen: How Validation Works on the Job

Customer Relations

Not All Needs Can Be Met

Caring Is the Key

Watch for Examples

The Validating Teacher

Validation - A Life Saver

Believe in Your Employees

Begin Today


Do It!

A Song to Lean On

Let Me Be That Someone (Lyrics)

Part Three: The Workbook

Personal Exercises in the Application of the Six Principles


Product Details

Lundberg, Gary B.
Lundberg, Joy Saunders
Lundberg, Gary B.
Lundberg, Joy
Penguin Books
New York, NY :
Interpersonal Relations
Self-actualization (psychology)
Interpersonal communication
Personal Growth - General
Self-Help : General
Edition Description:
Trade Paper
Publication Date:
Grade Level:
from 12
7.98x5.06x.60 in. .50 lbs.
Age Level:
from 18

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Related Subjects

Health and Self-Help » Self-Help » General
Health and Self-Help » Self-Help » Relationships

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better Used Trade Paper
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Product details 336 pages Penguin Books - English 9780140286434 Reviews:
"Synopsis" by , Combining a psychotherapist's clinical expertise with anecdotes, case studies and how-to's, this book presents six practical principles to empower others to solve their own problems while enriching their relationships.

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