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The Truth about Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive

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The Truth about Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive Cover

 

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

A new understanding of the emotional aspects of divorce and how it affects our children — with strategies and insights for parents.

Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new roadmap to divorce — never before laid out for general readers. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions, and the way we handle them, shape how we divorce — and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic — divorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their children's resiliency. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:

  • Why it is so hard to really make divorce work
  • How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating
  • Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks
  • Why parental love and authority can be the best "therapy" for kids
One million children are affected by divorce each year. This unique book combines the compelling guidance of a renowned researcher and the sensitivity of a practicing therapist and divorced father to help parents and children emerge strong, independent, and ready to move into a new, fulfilling phase of life.

Review:

"Psychology professor Emery knows firsthand how difficult divorce can be for children. He has an adult daughter from his first marriage, and while he regrets some of his behavior with regard to his ex-wife, he also recognizes that he and his former spouse were effective parents. When there are children, a divorce doesn't end a husband-wife relationship. Emery believes too many couples say they don't want their children hurt by their divorce, but the children still end up stuck in the middle, almost always facing discomfort. So, Emery writes, 'The first order of business is negotiating a working relationship with your ex.' Emery explains how to establish and develop the foundation of a co-parenting partnership by understanding emotions, managing anger and setting boundaries. Drawing on examples from his clients, he elaborates upon how individuals can agree on custody arrangements, schedules, discipline and other issues. In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation; one of his examples is about a vindictive couple whose children are hurt by their anger over the failed marriage. His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

Review:

"This is no polemic against divorce. Emery accepts it as a given and focuses instead on your children as, he convincingly argues, you must too. He offers no formula for a “perfect” or even “good” divorce, only a “better” divorce, one in which ex-spouses build a cooperative relationship as co-parents, despite what issues of anger, grief, control, and intimacy may persist between them. This practical advice is culled from Emery's experience as a psychologist, researcher, marriage therapist, mediator, father of five, and ex-husband. He grounds his insights with amalgams of former clients and research participants: the admirable “Danielle and Frank,” the struggling “Scott and Cindy.” These direct and sympathetic portrayals of couples and their children are often moving, while balanced with analysis and guidelines — a “Children's Bill of Rights in Divorce” to exact options for joint-custody schedules according to children's ages and parents' degree of estrangement. The prose is accessible and intelligent and dips rarely into self-help clichés (describing how Danielle and Frank continued to cooperate as parents: “Was it easy? No. Perfect? No way.”). Emery's scholarly expertise is most evident when debunking statistics. The vast majority of children from divorced families, he shows, are indistinguishable from children whose parents remain married. Half of the psychological problems suffered by children “of divorce” (a term Emery ridicules more than once) began prior to their parents' separations. What matters most, Emery argues, is how parents cope with their emotional conflicts, whether they remain married or not. Anyone contemplating separation, or already divorced, would be well served by this book. Adult children “of divorce,” such as myself, may also find its perspectives satisfying." Reviewed by Chris Gavaler, Virginia Quarterly Review (Copyright 2006 Virginia Quarterly Review)

Review:

"In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation....His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children." Publishers Weekly

Review:

"Much of [Emery's] advice is practical, suggesting the support, techniques, and therapy available to parents. Bibliographical notes accompany the clear and well-written text. Highly recommended." Library Journal

Synopsis:

This unique book combines the compelling guidance of a renowned researcher and the sensitivity of a practicing therapist and divorced father to help parents and children emerge strong, independent, and ready to move forward.

Synopsis:

Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new road map to divorce. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions and the way we handle them shape how we divorce—and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic—divorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their children’s resilience. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:

• Why it is so hard to really make divorce work

• How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating

• Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks

• Why parental love—and limit setting—can be the best “therapy” for kids

• How to talk to children, create workable parenting schedules, and more

About the Author

Robert E. Emery, Ph.D. is professor of psychology and director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia. A frequent lecturer, he is the author of more than one hundred scientific publications and several books. He is the father of five children.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii
Introduction: Putting Children First When a Marriage Comes Apart 1
Chapter one: Divorcing Emotions: Riding Alone on the Emotional Roller Coaster of Grief 15
Chapter two: Separate Spheres: How to Keep Your Emotions from Running Your Divorce 43
Chapter three: Children?s Realities: The Truth About Kids and Divorce 60
Chapter four: Seasons of Change: The Tasks of Divorce 84
Chapter five: Talking to Children About Separation 97
Chapter six: Keeping Emotions Out of Legal Negotiations 134
Chapter seven: Parenting Plans 162
Chapter eight: Coparenting for Resilience 198
Chapter nine: Exploring New Relationships 239
Chapter ten: Putting the Lessons into Practice 265
Chapter eleven: Letting Go and Moving On 292
Notes 307
Index 315

Product Details

ISBN:
9780670032877
Subtitle:
Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive
Publisher:
Viking Adult
Author:
Emery, Robert
Author:
Emery, Robert E.
Author:
Emery, Ph.D., Robert E.
Location:
New York
Subject:
Interpersonal Relations
Subject:
Divorce
Subject:
Parenting, part-time
Subject:
Children of divorced parents
Subject:
Divorced parents
Subject:
Parenting - General
Subject:
Divorce & Separation
Copyright:
Edition Description:
Hardback
Publication Date:
August 2004
Binding:
Hardback
Grade Level:
from 12
Language:
English
Pages:
336
Dimensions:
9.40x6.48x1.16 in. 1.19 lbs.
Age Level:
from 18

Related Subjects

» Health and Self-Help » Child Care and Parenting » Divorce
» Health and Self-Help » Self-Help » Divorce and Separation

The Truth about Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive
0 stars - 0 reviews
$ In Stock
Product details 336 pages Viking Books - English 9780670032877 Reviews:
"Publishers Weekly Review" by , "Psychology professor Emery knows firsthand how difficult divorce can be for children. He has an adult daughter from his first marriage, and while he regrets some of his behavior with regard to his ex-wife, he also recognizes that he and his former spouse were effective parents. When there are children, a divorce doesn't end a husband-wife relationship. Emery believes too many couples say they don't want their children hurt by their divorce, but the children still end up stuck in the middle, almost always facing discomfort. So, Emery writes, 'The first order of business is negotiating a working relationship with your ex.' Emery explains how to establish and develop the foundation of a co-parenting partnership by understanding emotions, managing anger and setting boundaries. Drawing on examples from his clients, he elaborates upon how individuals can agree on custody arrangements, schedules, discipline and other issues. In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation; one of his examples is about a vindictive couple whose children are hurt by their anger over the failed marriage. His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
"Review" by , "In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation....His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children."
"Review" by , "Much of [Emery's] advice is practical, suggesting the support, techniques, and therapy available to parents. Bibliographical notes accompany the clear and well-written text. Highly recommended."
"Synopsis" by , This unique book combines the compelling guidance of a renowned researcher and the sensitivity of a practicing therapist and divorced father to help parents and children emerge strong, independent, and ready to move forward.
"Synopsis" by ,

Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new road map to divorce. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions and the way we handle them shape how we divorce—and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic—divorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their children’s resilience. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:

• Why it is so hard to really make divorce work

• How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating

• Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks

• Why parental love—and limit setting—can be the best “therapy” for kids

• How to talk to children, create workable parenting schedules, and more

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