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When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us Lettby Jane Adams
Synopses & Reviews
Includes bibliographical references (p. -200) and index.
At last, a book that gives parents permission to let go of their adult children's problems and reclaim their own lives. A renowned psychologist and the bestselling author of I'm Still Your Mother shows how to ease adult children off "Parental Life Support" without guilt and frustration. A bestselling social psychologist tackles the fears, worries, and disappointments of a privileged generation of baby boomers who are coming to terms with their grown kids--kids in their twenties and even thirties who can't seem to grow up, who've failed to thrive, are still living at home, are dependent, addicted, or depressed, are just marking time, or even doing it. Reporting on their parents' feelings and experiences, Dr. Adams sheds much-needed light on this generation's "Problem That Has No Name, " a subject shrouded in shame, secrecy, and self-blame. In a wise, warm, and empathetic voice, she offers necessary and understanding counsel to parents whose dreams for their kids still haven't come true. Recognizing the folly of trying to "fix" those grown children's problems, Dr. Adams helps parents make the necessary step of returning responsibility for their lives to their children while getting on with the increased possibilities and pleasures of their own new lives. When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us is a ground-breaking book about a critical passage in the social and psychological development of a self-reflective generation and a positive, life-affirming strategy for negotiating it.
A renowned psychologist and the bestselling author of "I'm Still Your Mother" shows how to ease adult children off "Parental Life Support" without guilt and frustration.
About the Author
Jane Adams, Ph.D., has been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades in ten books and numerous columns, articles, and essays. A graduate of Smith College, she has an M.A. and a Ph.D. in psychology. She completed psychodynamic psychotherapy training at the Seattle Institute of Psychoanalysis and has studied at the Washington (D.C.) Psychoanalytic Foundation. A founding editor of the Seattle Weekly, she has appeared on network radio and TV and lectures widely. She lives in New York and Seattle.
Table of Contents
May I Talk to You Privately? Whose Story Is This? When Bad Things Happen to Good Parents Our Dirty Little Secret The Elephant in the Parlor
The Kids Are All Right and Other Lies Parents Tell About Their Grown Children
The Most Privileged Generation in History — Except Theirs Great Expectations: Ours or Theirs Who's in Trouble Here? Making Them Happy Is Not Up to Us But Can We Be Happy If They're Not?
We're Waiting...and Waiting...and Waiting
When We Were Their Age Prolonging the Search for Identity — Or Just Avoiding It? Excuse Us, But We're Having an Identity Crisis, Too Our Other Unfinished Task Two Kinds of Parents, Same Kind of Kids In Whose Good Time? Addicted, Depressed, and Dependent: A Detour or a Final Destination?
Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?
The Two Myths of Parenthood "I'll Never Make the Mistakes My Parents Made" Wrestling Guilt to the Ground The Echo of Our Childhoods Regret Is Guilt Without the Neurosis Why Wasn't I Listening? When the Writing's on the Wall Good Enough Is the Best We Can Do
The Never-Empty Nest Out of Time and Out of Patience Sparing the Help vs. Spoiling the Child Lives Without Guideposts Leaving No Forwarding Address
The Challenge of Independence
Strangled by Our Purse Strings "Why Should They Wait Till We're Dead?" Codependent on Dr. Spock Parents Who Give Too Much
Maybe We Shouldn't Have Inhaled
The Perils of Nostalgia It's Not the Age of Aquarius Any Longer Is It a Symptom or a Disease? Family Day at Rehab Staying Out of Their Program Doing the Wrong Thing
The Limits of Love
Paying a Different Kind of Attention Denying the Undeniable The Real Truth About Gay Pride Following the Pied Piper An Alternative to What? Who Are the Victims Here? Forgiving the Unforgivable
Separating from Their Problems Without Separating from Them
The Key to Our Survival Thank You for Sharing Marriages Under Fire Blurred Boundaries, Loving Limits But What About the Grandchildren? Phantom Guilt and Other Crimes of the Heart
Reinventing Our Lives:
Reinvigorating the Postparenthood Marriage New Wine in Old Bottles Different Times, Different Agendas Shuffling the Deck for a New Deal
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