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2 Burnside Self Help- Family Issues

This title in other editions

When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us Lett

by

When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us Lett Cover

 

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Includes bibliographical references (p. [199]-200) and index.

Synopsis:

At last, a book that gives parents permission to let go of their adult children's problems and reclaim their own lives. A renowned psychologist and the bestselling author of I'm Still Your Mother shows how to ease adult children off "Parental Life Support" without guilt and frustration. A bestselling social psychologist tackles the fears, worries, and disappointments of a privileged generation of baby boomers who are coming to terms with their grown kids--kids in their twenties and even thirties who can't seem to grow up, who've failed to thrive, are still living at home, are dependent, addicted, or depressed, are just marking time, or even doing it. Reporting on their parents' feelings and experiences, Dr. Adams sheds much-needed light on this generation's "Problem That Has No Name, " a subject shrouded in shame, secrecy, and self-blame. In a wise, warm, and empathetic voice, she offers necessary and understanding counsel to parents whose dreams for their kids still haven't come true. Recognizing the folly of trying to "fix" those grown children's problems, Dr. Adams helps parents make the necessary step of returning responsibility for their lives to their children while getting on with the increased possibilities and pleasures of their own new lives. When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us is a ground-breaking book about a critical passage in the social and psychological development of a self-reflective generation and a positive, life-affirming strategy for negotiating it.

Synopsis:

A renowned psychologist and the bestselling author of "I'm Still Your Mother" shows how to ease adult children off "Parental Life Support" without guilt and frustration.

About the Author

Jane Adams, Ph.D., has been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades in ten books and numerous columns, articles, and essays. A graduate of Smith College, she has an M.A. and a Ph.D. in psychology. She completed psychodynamic psychotherapy training at the Seattle Institute of Psychoanalysis and has studied at the Washington (D.C.) Psychoanalytic Foundation. A founding editor of the Seattle Weekly, she has appeared on network radio and TV and lectures widely. She lives in New York and Seattle.

Table of Contents


Contents

Introduction

May I Talk to You Privately? • Whose Story Is This? • When Bad Things Happen to Good Parents • Our Dirty Little Secret • The Elephant in the Parlor

Chapter One

The Kids Are All Right and Other Lies Parents Tell About Their Grown Children

The Most Privileged Generation in History — Except Theirs • Great Expectations: Ours or Theirs • Who's in Trouble Here? • Making Them Happy Is Not Up to Us • But Can We Be Happy If They're Not?

Chapter Two

We're Waiting...and Waiting...and Waiting

When We Were Their Age • Prolonging the Search for Identity — Or Just Avoiding It? • Excuse Us, But We're Having an Identity Crisis, Too • Our Other Unfinished Task • Two Kinds of Parents, Same Kind of Kids • In Whose Good Time? • Addicted, Depressed, and Dependent: A Detour or a Final Destination?

Chapter Three

Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?

The Two Myths of Parenthood • "I'll Never Make the Mistakes My Parents Made" • Wrestling Guilt to the Ground • The Echo of Our Childhoods • Regret Is Guilt Without the Neurosis • Why Wasn't I Listening? • When the Writing's on the Wall • Good Enough Is the Best We Can Do

Chapter Four

They're Ba-a-a-ck!

The Never-Empty Nest • Out of Time and Out of Patience • Sparing the Help vs. Spoiling the Child • Lives Without Guideposts • Leaving No Forwarding Address

Chapter Five

The Challenge of Independence

Strangled by Our Purse Strings • "Why Should They Wait Till We're Dead?" • Codependent on Dr. Spock • Parents Who Give Too Much

Chapter Six

Maybe We Shouldn't Have Inhaled

The Perils of Nostalgia • It's Not the Age of Aquarius Any Longer • Is It a Symptom or a Disease? • Family Day at Rehab • Staying Out of Their Program • Doing the Wrong Thing

Chapter Seven

The Limits of Love

Paying a Different Kind of Attention • Denying the Undeniable • The Real Truth About Gay Pride • Following the Pied Piper • An Alternative to What? • Who Are the Victims Here? • Forgiving the Unforgivable

Chapter Eight

Separating from Their Problems Without Separating from Them

The Key to Our Survival • Thank You for Sharing • Marriages Under Fire • Blurred Boundaries, Loving Limits • But What About the Grandchildren? • Phantom Guilt and Other Crimes of the Heart

Chapter Nine

Reinventing Our Lives:
The Challenge of Postparenthood

Reinvigorating the Postparenthood Marriage • New Wine in Old Bottles • Different Times, Different Agendas • Shuffling the Deck for a New Deal

Notes

Bibliography

Index



Product Details

ISBN:
9780743232807
Subtitle:
Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives
Author:
Adams, Jane
Publisher:
Free Press
Location:
New York
Subject:
Parent and adult child
Subject:
Adult children
Subject:
Parenting - General
Subject:
General Family & Relationships
Copyright:
Series Volume:
3
Publication Date:
20030527
Binding:
Hardback
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Pages:
224
Dimensions:
8.4375 x 5.5 in 11.472 oz

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Related Subjects

Health and Self-Help » Self-Help » Family Issues
Health and Self-Help » Self-Help » Relationships

When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us Lett Used Hardcover
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Product details 224 pages SIMON & SCHUSTER TRADE - English 9780743232807 Reviews:
"Synopsis" by , At last, a book that gives parents permission to let go of their adult children's problems and reclaim their own lives. A renowned psychologist and the bestselling author of I'm Still Your Mother shows how to ease adult children off "Parental Life Support" without guilt and frustration. A bestselling social psychologist tackles the fears, worries, and disappointments of a privileged generation of baby boomers who are coming to terms with their grown kids--kids in their twenties and even thirties who can't seem to grow up, who've failed to thrive, are still living at home, are dependent, addicted, or depressed, are just marking time, or even doing it. Reporting on their parents' feelings and experiences, Dr. Adams sheds much-needed light on this generation's "Problem That Has No Name, " a subject shrouded in shame, secrecy, and self-blame. In a wise, warm, and empathetic voice, she offers necessary and understanding counsel to parents whose dreams for their kids still haven't come true. Recognizing the folly of trying to "fix" those grown children's problems, Dr. Adams helps parents make the necessary step of returning responsibility for their lives to their children while getting on with the increased possibilities and pleasures of their own new lives. When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us is a ground-breaking book about a critical passage in the social and psychological development of a self-reflective generation and a positive, life-affirming strategy for negotiating it.
"Synopsis" by , A renowned psychologist and the bestselling author of "I'm Still Your Mother" shows how to ease adult children off "Parental Life Support" without guilt and frustration.
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