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Interviews | January 3, 2012

Jill Owens: IMG Naomi Benaron: The Powells.com Interview

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Naomi BenaronRunning the Rift is the most recent winner of the PEN/Bellwether Prize for Socially Engaged Fiction, as awarded by Barbara Kingsolver. It's also an... Continue »
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Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

by Linda Martinez-Lewi

Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life Cover

ISBN13: 9781585426249
ISBN10: 1585426245
Condition: Standard
Dustjacket: Standard
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Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Combining clinical analysis with psychological profiles of famous narcissists, here is an indispensable guide to recognizing, coping with, and ultimately overcoming the destructive behavior of narcissists.

Everybody needs some healthy narcissism. But in a society obsessed with appearance, wealth, and status, it's easy for problematic narcissists to thrive. Many people who seem to "have it all" are suffering from one of the most common — and overlooked — personality disorders today: high level narcissism. Typified by an obsession with perfection, a desperate need for admiration, and a willingness to use and exploit others for personal gain, high level narcissism can spell devastation for anyone who crosses the narcissist's path.

In Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, psychotherapist Linda Martinez-Lewi presents an in-depth and supportive plan for identifying, understanding, and dealing with high level narcissistic behavior in those close to you. Martinez-Lewi helps you to liberate yourself from draining personal relationships with narcissists, and shows how to regain a sense of peace, balance, and well-being.

Drawing on detailed profiles of famous narcissists, including Pablo Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright, Armand Hammer, and Ayn Rand, as well as expertly rendered case studies from her private practice as a psychotherapist, Martinez-Lewi shows how to:

  • understand where narcissistic behavior comes from
  • learn to spot narcissistic traits, even in the early stages of relationships
  • realize why attempting to change a narcissist is fruitless
  • protect yourself from the narcissist's opportunism, manipulative behavior, and lack of empathy

Review:

"This book's title makes a promise it doesn't keep. Martinez-Lewi, a marriage and family therapist, devotes more space to describing what she calls the 'classic high-level narcissist': charming, manipulative, needing to maintain a facade of perfection and power. But one can't always free oneself from narcissists (at work, for instance) except emotionally, which is the focus of her advice, when she gets to it. For the first 160-odd pages, the reader is treated to a melodramatic, vitriolic and metaphor-heavy ('we have been through the forests and thickets of the inner and outer world of the narcissistic personality') outpouring of loathing for these 'impossible' people. The juiciest parts of the book describe historical figures such as Ayn Rand, Pablo Picasso and Frank Lloyd Wright as prisoners of their own narcissistic personalities. As for her plan to free oneself from narcissists, she makes it sound more like a battle plan than self-help, involving guerrilla, spy-counterspy and cat-and-mouse strategies. In the end, it amounts to being true to yourself and practicing meditation to stay grounded." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

Review:

"Psychotherapist Martinez-Lewi combines clinical analysis with psychological profiles of famous people she believes to have been narcissists (e.g., Frank Lloyd Wright, Ayn Rand) in this valuable guide to recognizing, coping with, and overcoming narcissistic behavior....The book is written with a calm directness and achieves the author's purpose of helping readers identify and protect themselves from naively tangling with these personalities. It offers more clinical analysis and experience than does Eleanor Paysons The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists and nicely complements Nina W. Brown's Children of the Self-Absorbed. Highly recommended..." Dale Farris, Library Journal

Review:

"The author... has written a guide making it easier to recognize, cope with and ultimately overcome the destructive behavior of high-level narcissists, whether they be lovers, work colleagues, friends or parents." Tucson Citizen

Review:

"[M]ay just be the best investment you will make this year....this book is an excellent guide..." Alan Caruba, Bookviews
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About the Author

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Carlsbad, California.
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Table of Contents

Preface

PART ONE: The Great Performer

CHAPTER ONE: At Center Stage: Outshining all the Others
CHAPTER TWO: The Image Maker: Creating a Flawless Persona

PART TWO: Behind the Perfect Mask

CHAPTER THREE: The Exploiter: Deceiving Cruelly
CHAPTER FOUR: Golden Child: Growing Up as the Very Special One
CHAPTER FIVE: The Well of Emptiness: Harboring Rage and Envy, Paranoia and Despair
CHAPTER SIX: Hardened Heart: Treating Others Without Empathy

PART THREE: The Adoring Audience

CHAPTER SEVEN: The Charmed Circle: Worshipping at the Source
CHAPTER EIGHT: The Intimate Enemy: Living in the Shadows

PART FOUR: Response to the Great Performer

CHAPTER NINE: The Rules of Engagement: Holding Your Own with a Narcissist
CHAPTER TEN: Beyond Narcissism

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What Our Readers Are Saying

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Average customer rating based on 34 comments:
lynneschroeder2, February 10, 2011 (view all comments by lynneschroeder2)
This book was recommended to me by my therapist as I was going through a very rough divorce with my ex-narcissistic husband. I was so naive; I didn't understand the jekyll/hyde nature of the narcissistic personality when I married. He was very critical and cold. He was completely self absorbed. He didn't pay any attention to our children. But, when he was out in public, the facade he wore was charming. Business associates and many of our social friends thought he was wonderful. When he became unbearably verbally abusive, I finally sought the help of an excellent psychotherapist. She understood how the narcissistic personality functions--their double nature and complete lack of empathy. This is an excellent book. I now undertand the narcissistic personality and why I was not at fault. This book also helped me to find many ways to deal with narcissists. Of all the books I have read on narcissism, this is one of the very best.
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lizcuccini, December 17, 2010 (view all comments by lizcuccini)
I have just gotten my freedom in the last year after divorcing a narcissistic husband of fifteen years. I thought I could change him. That was not possible no matter how hard I tried. My therapist recommended this book and it has made all the difference to me. Now I understand the rigid, ingrained narcissistic personality to whom I was married. He was highly manipulative and lied to me all the time. I finally recognized that it was not my fault and that I had to divorce him to preserve my peace of mind and move forward with my life. This book is clear, easy to read and insightful. I used it as a source of support during the divorce process. I have begun my life all over again and I am grateful.
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Elizabeth Dunne, July 5, 2010 (view all comments by Elizabeth Dunne)
It took me many years to realize that my mother is a narcissistic personality. My sister was the favored child and got all the attention. I was treated with cruelty or dismissed as almost non-existent. I grew up with great emotional pain. I could never understand why my mother didn't love me. I started reading a number of books on narcissism and there it was in front of my eyes---my narcissistic mother. Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi's book is one of the best that I have read on the subject. Her book is clearly written, gives many specific helpful examples of narcissists and the emotional harm they cause to others. She offers many ways of dealing with narcissists that have helped me to release myself from my narcissistic mother and stop blaming myself.I am now at peace with myself and have moved forward.
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Product Details

ISBN:
9781585426249
Author:
Martinez-Lewi, Linda
Publisher:
Tarcher
Subject:
General
Subject:
Interpersonal Relations
Subject:
Family Relationships
Subject:
Celebrities
Subject:
Psychopathology - General
Subject:
Narcissism
Subject:
Self-Help : General
Copyright:
2008
Edition Description:
B-Hardcover
Publication Date:
20080110
Binding:
Hardback
Grade Level:
from 12
Language:
English
Pages:
256
Dimensions:
8.47x5.90x.92 in. .85 lbs.
Age Level:
from 18
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Related Aisles

Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life Used Hardcover
0 stars - 0 reviews
$13.95 In Stock
Product details 256 pages Jeremy P. Tarcher - English 9781585426249 Reviews:
"Publishers Weekly Review" by , "This book's title makes a promise it doesn't keep. Martinez-Lewi, a marriage and family therapist, devotes more space to describing what she calls the 'classic high-level narcissist': charming, manipulative, needing to maintain a facade of perfection and power. But one can't always free oneself from narcissists (at work, for instance) except emotionally, which is the focus of her advice, when she gets to it. For the first 160-odd pages, the reader is treated to a melodramatic, vitriolic and metaphor-heavy ('we have been through the forests and thickets of the inner and outer world of the narcissistic personality') outpouring of loathing for these 'impossible' people. The juiciest parts of the book describe historical figures such as Ayn Rand, Pablo Picasso and Frank Lloyd Wright as prisoners of their own narcissistic personalities. As for her plan to free oneself from narcissists, she makes it sound more like a battle plan than self-help, involving guerrilla, spy-counterspy and cat-and-mouse strategies. In the end, it amounts to being true to yourself and practicing meditation to stay grounded." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
"Review" by , "Psychotherapist Martinez-Lewi combines clinical analysis with psychological profiles of famous people she believes to have been narcissists (e.g., Frank Lloyd Wright, Ayn Rand) in this valuable guide to recognizing, coping with, and overcoming narcissistic behavior....The book is written with a calm directness and achieves the author's purpose of helping readers identify and protect themselves from naively tangling with these personalities. It offers more clinical analysis and experience than does Eleanor Paysons The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists and nicely complements Nina W. Brown's Children of the Self-Absorbed. Highly recommended..."
"Review" by , "The author... has written a guide making it easier to recognize, cope with and ultimately overcome the destructive behavior of high-level narcissists, whether they be lovers, work colleagues, friends or parents."
"Review" by , "[M]ay just be the best investment you will make this year....this book is an excellent guide..."
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