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America, But Better: The Canada Party Manifestoby Chris Cannon and Brian Calvert
Synopses & Reviews
"Capitalizing on the success of their YouTube campaign promoting the fictional Canada Party, Cannon (100 Albums that Changed Popular Music) and Calvert bring their politicking to print in this breezy rundown of their 'platform,' urging Americans to ignore traditional candidates and embrace Canada — yes, the country — as the best candidate for the President of the United States. Tongues firmly in cheek, the duo offer creative resolutions to a slew of hot-topic issues like healthcare (implement 'a flat tax on cosmetic medical procedures'), illegal aliens (create a reality show about them), and NASA (include a 'perennial spring-breaker' on every mission and film them asking, 'Where all the green women at?'). Though it's not meant to offer legitimate solutions to the nation's problems, the authors use humor to map the glaringly wide — and ever-expanding — divide between American Democrats and Republicans, and when the duo strike a soft spot, such as America's overestimation of its cultural and global importance, their bite is on par with that of the Daily Show, Steven Colbert, and Bill Maher. But when they rest on easy stereotypes, the book falls flat, sounding more like a humor piece in Reader's Digest than something with real teeth. (Aug.)" Publishers Weekly Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Hello America, it's us, Canada, and we want your vote this fall for President of the United States
Based on their hilarious viral campaign, a new satirical political party announces its Canadacy for president of the United States.
This isn't an invasion, it's an intervention. From the country that brought you toques and Justin Bieber comes a plan to restore America to its former glory. The U.S. political system increasingly resembles an all-chimp revue of Cats, and its citizens are looking for a new leader. That leader is Canada.
Following their viral YouTube campaign, the leaders of the Canada Party here unveil their platform for U.S. presidency. Their promises: Oil pipelines will carry maple syrup, corners will be installed in the Oval Office, and timeouts given to Congressmen who can't play nice. The phrase "job creators" will be changed to "job creationists," and they will be given seven days to actually create some.
Covering everything from economic policy to gay rights to waterboarding, this manifesto offers a helping hand that will soon have America chanting "Yes We Canada."
As the American election increasingly resembles a production of CATS performed by actual cats, U.S. citizens are looking for a new leader. That leader is Canada, and they want your vote for president of the United States.
Since launching their viral video campaign in January, the Canada Party has been covered around the world, including CNN, BBC, the Huffington Post, and German State Television. America, but Better: the Canada Party Manifesto, balances the doctrine of American exceptionalism with a dose of Canadian humility and common sense to secure Canada as the new leader of the free world, by proxy.
Their promises: One gay couple will be allowed to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced. Corporations will still be people, but if they can't provide a birth certificate they will be legally obligated to care for your lawn.
Devoted to restoring America to its former glory, the Canada Party will soon have the whole world chanting, "Yes We Canada."
About the Author
Chris Cannon is an American writer from Oklahoma living in Vancouver, B.C. He is the author of four books and hundreds of articles in magazines including Rolling Stone, Mens Journal, and Billboard. A former U.S. Marine Corps sergeant, Chris served in the intelligence and counterterrorism fields as well as the Presidential honor guard. He spent two years on White House duty under Bush 1 and Clinton, marched in Clintons inauguration parade, and was a member of the Silent Drill Team. A graduate of Columbia University and the University of Chicago, Chris now teaches cultural criticism, satire, and magazine journalism at the University of British Columbia.
Years after earning a Masters degree studying tumor biology at the University of Saskatchewan, Brian M. Calvert began his second career focusing on comedic writing, acting and producing. The bulk of his earlier work was via collaborations with the online sketch comedy groups ChurchofJerks.com and VILLAGEiDiOT.ca, both of which he helped create. In total, he has written, acted, produced, directed or edited over 50 short films and 5 multi-media (live and video) stage shows. Brian was born and raised in Ontario, completing much of his schooling in Sarnia, border city to Port Huron, Michigan. He now lives in Vancouver.
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Foreword from the English Empire
1. America and Canada: Continental BFFs
MAP: How America Sees Canada
MAP: How Canada Sees America
Marrying Our Governments (After Verifying They Are Different Genders, of Course)
Canadian Fashion: Our "Wear What You Kill" Policy
Obesity: Big Thoughts on Big People
The U.S. Constitution, Annotated
Thoughts on Relieving America's Sexual Tension
The Lucas Plan: Fixing America with CGI
Combining Our Cities: Welcome to Van Francisco, Dirty Hippie Capitol of the World!
Understanding Hockey, from the Country That Gave You Football and Basketball (True Story)
Star Track: We Gave You Shatner, You Gave Us Bacula. Do the Math.
2. It's a Small World (Unless You're, Like, an Amoeba or Something)
American Exceptionalism, or How to Make Other Countries Feel Bad About Their Bodies
Killing with Kindness, Torturing with Tenderness
Weaponizing Politeness: Fight Like a Canadian!
The United Nations and Other Global Oxymorons
Showing Nature Who's Boss
Repelling Immigrants from Your Southern Border (We Have Experience)
How to Dodge the Draft Without Bringing Your Neighbors Into It
A Simple Solution for Integrating Our Indigenous Peoples (Just Kidding -We Have No Idea)
Un-American Idol: How Reality Shows Can Stop Illegal Immigration
3. The Irony of Being Ironic in a Post-Ironic Age
Making English the Official Language for Native English Speakers
DisneyCorps: Why We Should Turn FOX News over to Michael Bay
Living in Fear: Lessons from Godly Folk
Gun Control: How to Aim Properly
Cults of Personality, or Cults of the Lack Thereof
Rewriting U.S. Law (Citizens United: What Else Can Be People?)
The Internet: Why Are We Trying to Regulate Porn?
The Metric System: Exactly Ten Times More Awesome than Imperial Units
How to Say You're Sorry Without Looking Like a Total Pussy
4. Treating Experts Like Mammals: An Ideological Throwdown!
Science vs Religion (Spoiler: Science Wins in Overtime!)
Grampa Lost His Shins in the Big One: Our Statute of Limitations on Living Off Other Peoples' Sacrifices.
Consuming Our Future: Some Tasty, Post-Apocalypse Recipes
It's Not Easy Being Greenpeace
What To Do With "The Gays"
Health Care: A 10-Part Dental Plan for Hockey Players
Weed. Sweet, Sweet Weed.
Crime and Punishment, and Then Crime Again
Combining Our Icons (Introducing the Eagle Beaver!)
Notes on the American Dream, from the Country You Kick in Your Sleep
Tear-out application forms for elected officials
Mad-libs (How different media outlets get their news)
Campaign promises sprinkled throughout the book
Timeline of U.S. Canadian history
U.S.-Canada comparison chart
Quizzes at the end of each chapter
What Our Readers Are Saying
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