Before the Mortgage: Real Stories of Brazen Loves, Broken Leases, and the Perplexing Pursuit of Adulthood

The swank apartment, the killer job, and the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend haven't yet fallen into place. Is this "really" adulthood? Welcome to life before the mortgage. Here's what you need to know.

Christina Amini and Rachel Hutton have brought together the very best writing on this unpredictable — and often hilarious — time. This book features essays by celebrated writers such as Joel Stein, Thisbe Nissen, Thomas Beller, "Found" magazine's Davy Rothbart, and "ReadyMade"'s Shoshana Berger, as well as exciting new writers.

Based on the beloved 'zine, this collection of essays takes a look at life "pre-responsibility" for a generation that is not yet ready to settle down or settle for less.

Friends and collaborators Rachel Hutton and Christina Amini started the zine Before the Mortgage after leaving their first nine-to-five jobs in New York. Christina is an associate editor at Chronicle Books in San Francisco. Rachel, an editor and writer for Minnesota Monthly, lives in Minneapolis. Friends and collaborators Rachel Hutton and Christina Amini started the zine Before the Mortgage after leaving their first nine-to-five jobs in New York. Christina is an associate editor at Chronicle Books in San Francisco. Rachel, an editor and writer for Minnesota Monthly, lives in Minneapolis.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

WORK: STILL AN INTERN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Put Your Best Face Forward

by David Kolek

I Was an Entry-Level Fiction Writer

by Thisbe Nissen

Regrettable Interview Quotes

Confessions of a Professional Flunky

by Barbara Rushkoff

Getaway

as told to Ariana Lamorte

Outstanding Intern Moments

Portrait of the Bagel as a Young Man

by Thomas Beller

Overheard in the Cubicle

Brian-Sensei

by Brian Grivna

HOME: WHERE THE COCKROACHES ARE

The First Thanksgiving

by Sarah Vowell

Apartment Search Horror Stories

Paradise Considered

by Evan Ratliff

Roommate Pet Peeves

In My Tribe

by Ethan Watters

Budget Recipes

People Like You

by Sarah Eisenstein

Parents Are the New Friends

by Rachel Hutton

"So...Are You Two Together?"

by Pagan Kennedy

LOVE: THE FLING, THE DISASTER, "THE ONE"

Taking Off

by Davy Rothbart

On the Fringes of the Physical World

by Meghan Daum

Fake Dating

by Tim Gihring

He Said/She Said

The X-Factor

by Sasha Cagen

Relationship Red Flags

Always a Bridesmaid

by Christina Amini

Top Ten Signs He Might Not Be Prince Charming

by Opal Desaire

On Finding the It Guy: An Inquiry into the You'll Know Theory

by Shoshana Berger

Unacceptable Dating Behavior

LIFE: FROM COSTCO TO YOGA AND BACK

Peaking at Ten

by Anna Chlumsky

Costco-Obsessive Disorder

by Carson Brown

Forty-three Tickets for Brooklyn

by Jordan Harrison

The Breakfast Club

by Joel Stein

Budget Living

Co-op Confessional

by Catherine Price

Another One Rides the Cometbus

by Jessica Nordell

Last Twenty-four Hours in New York

by Rachel Hutton and Christina Amini

Things to Do Before the Mortgage

Contributors

Acknowledgments