A Long Retreat: In Search of a Religious Life

"I will not attempt to relate his eight years of inner debate, so finely crafted in this book. Instead I will cite two things among many that stand out to this reviewer. The first is the grueling academic requirements for ordination as a Jesuit. It is far beyond what is required of a normal Catholic priest or an educated Protestant minister. I am impressed. The other thing that snagged my attention was the unquestioned requirement for spiritual counselors in order to grow the soul . . . If you are blessed with only a trace of that 'divine madness' that yearns for spiritual honesty and sends the saints in search of God, this is a book for you."—William R. Klein, The Roanoke Times

“In A Long Retreat, Krivak tellingly shares how his own life has always been based in his Catholicism, touching on love, loss, sin, yearning, and hope along the way. In every sense—from intellectual and philosophical to emotional and theological—it is a revelation worth reading and one that can be read on many levels: as a mans story, a testament of faith, a humanistic manifesto, or proof that truth is often stranger (and more interesting) than fiction . . . Krivak speaks in detail, yet simply, of many things . . . To make private experiences ring true without sounding sanctimonious or sentimental is a feat. Krivak manages it because he is sincere and a very good writer: his calculated, spare prose is never prosy. His self-analysis feels real, too, and his descriptions of life in the all-male, worldwide Jesuit community are well told and revealing . . . Serious and intimate as A Long Retreat is, Krivak makes it seem relevant at almost every moment; I think persons of any faith or none would find it so. That is especially true because the ‘retreat of the title has encompassed the full spectrum of Krivaks personality. It has taken place in his own being, in retreat houses, in postulate residences, and in conversations with many. And sometimes, as he shows, it has involved something of an actual withdrawal—not from God, but from the difficulties of the trek.”—Craig Smith, The Santa Fe New Mexican

"A Long Retreat is a good read both for the pro- and for the anti-Society of Jesus . . . Krivak had a good Catholic upbringing: practicing Catholics parents, his mother Irene in fact a Marian devotee . . . At 14, upon reading The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton, he wanted to be a monk and, even after years of schooling, at 25 got as far as talking to a Brother Aelred, director of vocations in the Trappist Monastery of St. Joseph's Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts. He desisted and continued to get into writing, but was at the Jesuit Community in Hunts Point in February 1989 signing up for spiritual direction one Saturday a month at Fordham University. This led to his living with some Jesuits working for seven weeks of that summer in Bronx. He also had experience that easily blended with 'in the world but not of the world' lifestyle of the Jesuits. He was a poet and studied the classics at Columbia and, at various times, worked as a yacht rigger and ocean lifeguard . . . I would certainly recommend [A Long Retreat]."—Gerry Geronimo, Manila Standard Today

“I enjoyed the book: I heard Krivaks voice through the pages of his memoir as surely as though he were sitting across the table from me. Delightful, too, were reading of familiar places through Krivaks eyes: he even cites Christ in the Desert monastery in the pages of his book . . . Krivak is a fine writer, and I would enjoy seeing him make a foray into the writing of novels.”—Kilian Melloy, Edge

"In a fruitful coincidence, Andrew Krivaks spiritual memoir arrived for reading as my personal discernment on the future continues. The author is a poet, but he has obvious abilities that transcend that genre. Id enjoy reading his fiction, were he to write a novel. This book is personal, engaging, and rich without getting bogged down. Usually I find someone elses spiritual journey an encouragement. Krivaks is no exception . . . Krivak writes of his years with the Society of Jesus. A little more than half the book treats his time in the novitiate (1990-92) and the rest of it touches upon more of his studies, travels, and companions until he left the Jesuits in 1998. Throughout, one gets a view into the soul searching for God in prayer and in action. As I read, I felt as if I were alternately reading someones journal and having a catching-up-on-life conversation with an old friend. This is a significant book for reasons clear and subtle. First, Im pleased to see that people were making significant spiritual journeys in the 90s in traditional Catholic religious life. Its easy enough to read that everything since 1965 has been doom and desert where Catholicism is concerned. A personal and authentic story like this is only one witness, but its easier to believe there are more people like Andrew Krivak out there. I know Im not alone in a certain rejoicing at the rich opportunities for the spiritual life our day and age affords us. I think Krivak does a good job handling his own failings (where he sees them) and not getting bogged down in his mistakes, one of which was catastrophic for him. I think it paints religious life in a realistic way. Some Catholics would find some of the tales from the Jesuits a bit scandalous or unnerving, but I found them authentic both in the reading experience, and as the author recounts his influences. As a lay person seeking a religious life myself, I found the perspective very refreshing reading about the SJ from the inside out, and also the various ministry experiences Krivak knew . . . I recommend this book for its strong and eloquent writing as well as the spiritual journey it communicates."—Catholic Sensibility

"A Long Retreat is not just a fascinating insider's look at Jesuit formation, but a beautifully written case study in prayerful discernment of one's proper vocation.  Few memoirs of religious life are as wise and revelatory as this."—Ron Hansen, author of Mariette in Ecstasy and Exiles

"This is the best spiritual memoir I've read since The Seven Storey Mountain—and that was a long time ago. Andrew Krivak conveys his own ardent search while also capturing the fragmented spirit of our times, making his 'long retreat' the occasion for a wise, tough and sometimes refreshingly comic meditation on faith. I read it like a detective story, unable to put it down—and then unable (and unwilling) to stop thinking about its lingering questions."—Patricia Hampl, author of Virgin Time

"Here is a personal remembrance and reflection become an instrument of summoning spiritual witness—and an account of a soul's progress amidst the possibilities offered by our contemporary secular world, all told incisively and with a haunting candor that will reach and touch the grateful reader."—Robert Coles

"Often poignant memoir of the author's eight years with the Jesuits and his eventual decision to seek a different path . . . He describes the people he met and the situations he encountered with the skill of a storyteller, in prose that is erudite without being dry or aloof. His account of examining his soul . . . is well-executed and enjoyable. We know from the first pages that Krivak fell in love and left the Jesuits, but the conclusion is emotionally charged nonetheless. In an age when the religious life is foreign and mysterious to many, these self-revelations provide a worthwhile focal point for understanding its attractions and its pitfalls."—Kirkus Reviews

"Krivak tells the unusual story of his journey toward and eventual turning away from ordination in the Society of Jesus. The requirements for becoming a priest of the Jesuit order are lengthy, spanning nearly a decade, and we follow Krivak each step of the way, from his beginnings as a novice through periods of service, travel, and scholasticism. Biblical passages and the theology of Ignatius Loyola, the 16th-century founder of the Jesuits, abound, as do words of wisdom from various of Krivak's advisers—many of them are beautiful words, indeed. We feel his very real struggle as he continually seeks to decide whether the Jesuit path is his true calling, and we know his deep friendships and his problems with other members of the order. At times, Krivak's anger, frustration, and pettiness come through as well. But in the end, this is a story of one man's search for his true calling, and, as such, it is highly recommended for all readers who feel called to a religious life, whether as clergy or laity."—Eric Norton, Library Journal

"The road to priesthood in the Society of Jesus is arduous. Jesuits, like most other Catholic religious orders, demand a lifetime of poverty, chastity and obedience. They also require years of postgraduate study and hard work before ordination. At age 27, Krivak joined the order, already equipped with two degrees as well as experience writing poetry and working in a boatyard. Over the next eight years he studied philosophy and theology, visited hospitalized AIDS patients, taught writing to college students, worked in the Dominican Republic, Russia and Slovakia—and fell in love. The search for love is an important theme running through this artfully written memoir: the love of God, the strong but imperfect love of Krivak's father and eventually the deep, reciprocated love of a woman. Life, he tells a friend, is 'a long retreat'—an awareness that God is everywhere present and can be trusted. Now married and the father of a son, Krivak shows no bitterness as he explores his painful decision to leave the Society of Jesus. 'I walked a long but worthy road that led to a place where I didn't belong,' he told his spiritual director. 'I don't feel any resentment. I feel gratitude.'"—Publishers Weekly