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Encyclopedia Paranoiacaby Henry Beard
Synopses & Reviews
andlt;Bandgt;IGNORE THIS BOOK AT YOUR PERIL!andlt;/Bandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Did you know that carrots cause blindness and bananas are radioactive? That too many candlelight dinners can cause cancer? And not only is bottled water a veritable petri dish of biohazards (so is tap water, by the way) but riding a bicycle might destroy your sex life?andlt;/Bandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andnbsp;In andlt;Iandgt;Encyclopedia Paranoiaca, andlt;/Iandgt;master satirists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf have assembled an authoritative, disturbingly comprehensive, and utterly debilitating inventory of things poised to harm, maim, or kill youand#8212;all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life. Painstakingly alphabetized, cross-referenced, and thoroughly sourced for easy reference, this book just might save your life. (Apologies in advance if it doesnand#8217;t.) Beard and Cerf cite convincing evidence that everyday things we consider healthyand#8212;eating leafy greens, flossing, washing our handsand#8212;are actually harmful, and items we thought were innocuousand#8212; drinking straws, flip-flops, neckties, skinny jeansand#8212; pose life-threatening dangers. Did you know that nearly ten thousand people are sent to the emergency room each year because of escalator accidents, and, despite what youand#8217;ve heard, farmersand#8217; markets may actually be less safe than grocery stores? And if youand#8217;re crossing your legs right now, youand#8217;re definitely at serious risk. andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Hilarious, insightful, and, at times, downright terrifying, andlt;Iandgt;Encyclopedia Paranoiaca andlt;/Iandgt;brings to light a whole host of hidden threats and looming dooms that make asteroid impacts, planetary pandemics, and global warming look like a walk in the park (which is also emphatically not recommended). andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;*** andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;The Definitive Compendium of Things You Absolutely, Positively Must Not Eat, Drink, Wear, Take, Grow, Make, Buy, Use, Do, Permit, Believe, or Let Yourself Be Exposed to, Including an Awful Lot of Toxic, Lethal, Horrible Stuff That You Thought Was Safe, Good, or Healthy; All Sorts of Really Bad People Who Are Out to Get, Cheat, Steal from, or Otherwise Take Advantage of You; and a Whole Host of Existential Threats and Looming Dooms That Make Global Warming, Giant Meteors, and Planetary Pandemics Look Like a Walk in the Park (with Its High Risk of Skin Cancer, Broken Bones, Bee Stings, Allergic Seizures, Animal Attacks, Criminal Assaults, and Lightning Strikes)andlt;/Bandgt;
"National Lampoon luminaries Beard and Cerf have created a guide to all the common nightmares, with a few hundred new ones tossed in. Their alphabetized, intensively cross-referenced tome confirms the great truth of modern life: everything is bad for you. The list includes the big (global warming), the small (bed bugs), the innocuous (blueberries), the unusual (zombification), and the ubiquitous (sitting on the toilet). Life, it seems, is inevitably fatal, especially on a postindustrial globe filled with pesticides, radiation, superbugs, and random accidents. Despite its presentation of contemporary dangers, the book is charmingly old-fashioned, with a structure and format that pay tribute to the reference books that lined the shelves of academics and nerds before the Internet reshaped the personal library ('cybersex' earns an entry in an age when 'over 15 million Americans are using cybersex in ways that are risky and showing signs of compulsivity'). In another nod to outmoded fashions, Beard and Cerf write with wit in this ironic take on a world where we live in constant fear of dairy products, lemon wedges, shopping carts, and vitamins." Publishers Weekly Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
A comprehensive, informative, and utterly debilitating compendium of surprising ways you might die a horrible death at any moment—all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life—from master humorists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf.
Did you know bananas are radioactive, carrots cause blindness, and too many candlelight dinners can lead to cancer? Bottled water is a veritable petri dish of biohazards, and cherries contain arsenic. Nearly 10,000 people are sent to the emergency room because of escalator accidents and despite what you’ve heard, farmers’ markets may actually be less safe than grocery stores. In Encyclopedia Paranoiaca, Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf show us that the things that we consider healthy may actually be harmful and stuff we thought was harmless is anything but—drinking straws, flip flops, skinny jeans, even a day at the beach.
Encyclopedia Paranoiaca is a comprehensive field guide to things you absolutely, positively must not eat, drink, wear, take, grow, make, buy, use, or do, including an awful lot of toxic, lethal, horrible stuff that you thought was safe, good, or healthy; the shocking number of really bad people who are out to get you; and a whole host of hidden threats and looming dooms that make global warming and planetary plagues look like a walk in the park (with its high risk of skin cancer, broken bones, bee stings, allergic seizures, animal attacks, criminal assaults, and lightning strikes).
Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf offer a painstakingly researched, alarmingly thorough—and conveniently alphabetized—look at everything threatening to harm, sicken, debilitate, impoverish, disenfranchise, and/or kill you, complete with what you can do (precious little!) to avert disaster. Ignore this book at your peril!
• Bestselling humorists: Henry Beard has authored or coauthored ten parodies, five of which are New York Times bestsellers, as well as more than two dozen other humor books, including Latin for All Occasions, French for Cats, and The Official Politically Correct Dictionary (with Christopher Cerf). Christopher Cerf has written and edited several bestselling books including The Experts Speak (with Victor Navasky), and co-edited the journalistic parody Not the New York Times . He is also an Emmy- and Grammy-winning composer for Sesame Street.
• Indispensible resource guide: A comprehensive compendium of things you absolutely, positively must not eat, drink, wear, take, grow, make, buy, use, or do, including an awful lot of toxic, lethal, horrible stuff that you thought was safe, good, or healthy; all sorts of really bad people who are out to get you; and a whole host of hidden threats and looming dooms that make global warming, giant meteors, and planetary plagues look like a walk in the park (with its high risk of skin cancer, broken bones, bee stings, allergic seizures, animal attacks, criminal assaults, and lightning strikes).
About the Author
Henry Beard attended Harvard College and was a member of the Harvard Lampoon during the period when it published nationally noted parodies of Playboy, Life, and Time. He went on to found the National Lampoon with Douglas Kenney (the writer/producer of Animal House and Caddyshack) and served as its editor during the magazine's heyday in the 1970's. He is the author or coauthor of five New York Times bestsellers--Miss Piggy's Guide to Life, Sailing: A Sailor's Dictionary, French for Cats, Leslie Nielsen's Stupid Little Golf Book, and O.J.'s Legal Pad--and more than two dozen other popular humorous works, including Latin for All Occasions, Xtreme Latin, Bill Gates' Super Secret Laptop, The Official Politically Correct Dictionary, Zen for Cats, Mulligan's Laws, and a series of humorous pocket dictionaries, including Golfing, Fishing, Skiing, and Sailing. Christopher Cerf is the co-editor of The Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook, The Gulf War Reader, The Iraq War Reader, and The Eighties: A Look Back at the Tumultuous Decade, 1980-1989. He is a former contributing editor to the National Lampoon, and he co-edited the newspaper parody Not the New York Times.
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