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Pocket Book of Ogden Nash
Synopses & Reviews
Here, in one volume, are the most popular poems of one of the most popular poets of the twentieth century — perhaps of the last twenty centuries. Delightfully nonsensical, they in fact make the best of sense, accomplishing what only real poetry can — allowing the reader to discover what he didn't know he already knew or felt.
About the Author
Though best remembered for his light verse, Ogden Nash also achieved success as a lyricist — with One Touch of Venus, book by S.J. Perelman and music by Kurt Weill — and as the writer of verses set to classical music such as Saint-Saëns Carnival of the Animals and Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf. He died in 1971.
Table of Contents
Introduction by Louis Untermeyer
A Word about Winter
How Do You Say Ha-Ha in French?
What I Know About Life
The Strange Case of Mr. Palliser's Palate
Will You Have Your Tedium Rare or Medium?
There's Nothing like Instinct. Fortunately.
The People Upstairs
Tableau at Twilight
There Are More Ways to Roast a Pig Than Burning the House Down, or, You Can Always Stick Your Head in a Volcano
September Is Summer, Too, or, It's Never Too Late to Be Uncomfortable
Possessions Are Nine Points of Conversation
Polterguest, My Polterguest
Piano Tuner, Untune Me That Tune
Pappy Wants a Poppy
Not Even for Brunch
Mrs. Purvis Dreads Room Service, or, Mr. Purvis Dreads It, Too
Oh Shucks, Ma'am, I Mean Excuse Me
Always Marry an April Girl
Lines to Be Embroidered on a Bib, or, The Child Is Father of the Man, but Not for Quite a while
I Do, I Will, I Have
Good Riddance, but Now What?
I'll Take the High Road Commission
Cousin Euphemia Knows Best, or, Physician, Heal Somebody Else
Here Usually Comes the Bride
Compliments of a Friend
For a Good Dog
The Perfect Husband
The Private Dining Room
Peekaboo, I Almost See You
Correction: Eve Delved and Adam Span
My Trip Daorba
A Caution to Everybody
I Didn't Say a Word, or, Who Called That Piccolo Player a Father?
Calling Spring VII-MMMC
Everybody's Mind to Me a Kingdom Is, or, A Great Big Wonderful World It's
They Won't Believe on New Year's Eve, That New Year's Day Will Come What May
Don't Look for the Silver Lining, Just Wait for It
The Voluble Wheel Chair
The Child Is Father to the Man, but with More Authority
A Dog's Best Friend Is His Illiteracy
Everybody Wants to Get into the Baedeker
The Strange Case of the Cautious Motorist
The Unwinged Ones
Medusa and the Mot Juste
Everything's Haggis in Hoboken, or, Scots Wha Hae Hae
Tweedledee and Tweedledoom
I Remember Yule
Maybe You Can't Take It with You, but Look What Happens When You Leave It Behind
Lecturer in Bookstore
Reflection on the Vernacular
This Is My Own, My Native Tongue
When the Devil Was Sick Could He Prove It?
Oh, Stop Being Thankful All Over the Place
"My Child Is Phlegmatic" — Anxious Parent
Kindly Unhitch That Star, Buddy
The Passionate Pagan and the Dispassionate Public
Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man
Taboo to Boot
Advice Outside a Church
Our Child Doesn't Know Anything, or, Thank God!
Love under the Republicans (or Democrats)
Don't Cry, Darling, Its Blood All Right
It Must Be the Milk
A Lady Thinks She Is Thirty
In Which the Poet Is Ashamed But Pleased
I Know You'll Like Them
The Terrible People
The Tale of Custard the Dragon
The Big Tent under the Roof
Two and One Are a Problem
Thunder Over the Nursery
Mr. Artesian's Conscientiousness
The Mind of Professor Primrose
Reflection on Ingenuity
Election Day Is a Holiday
The Very Unclubbable Man
Good-By, Old Year, You Oaf, or, Why Don't They Pay the Bonus?
A Carol for Children
Song to Be Sung by the Father of Infant Female Children
The Seven Spiritual Ages of Mrs. Marmaduke Moore
What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner or Later
Suppose I Darken Your Door
Hush, Here They Come
I Yield to My Learned Brother, or, Is There a Candlestick Maker in the House?
Reflection on the Passage of Time, Its Inevitability and its Quirks
Curl Up and Diet
Bankers Are just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer
The Strange Case of Mr. Donnybrook's Boredom
To a Lady Passing Time Better Left Unpassed
Nine Miles to the Railroad
The Eight O'Clock Peril
The Strange Case of Mr. Ballantine's Valentine
One Man's Need is Another Man's Overemphasis
The Strange Case of the Pleasing Taxi-Driver
The Strange Case of the Ambitious Caddy
I'm Terribly Sorry for You, but I Can't Help Laughing
The Strange Case of the Girl o' Mr. Sponsoon's Dreams
Oh, Please Don't Get Up!
Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice
Lines to Be Scribbled on Somebody Else's Thirtieth Milestone
Who Understands Who Anyhow?
Complaint to Four Angels
You and me and P. B. Shelley
Glossina Morsitans, or, the Tsetse
Now Tell Me About Yourself
Tin Wedding Whistle
April Yule, Daddy!
I'm Sure She Said Six-Thirty
We Don't Need to Leave Yet, Do We? or, Yes We Do
The Screen with the Face with the Voice
I Want a Drink of Water, but Not from the Thermos
The Trouble with Women Is Men
Suppose He Threw It in Your Face
So That's Who I Remind Me of
Dr. Fell and Points West
Thoughts Thought on an Avenue
Thoughts Thought While Waiting for a Pronouncement from a Doctor, an Editor, a Big Executive, the Department of Internal Revenue or Any Other Momentous Pronouncer
Seeing Eye to Eye Is Believing
The Strange Case of Mr. Niobob's Transmogrification
And Three Hundred and Sixty-Six in Leap Year
Frailty, Thy Name Is a Misnomer
I Burn Money
A Bulletin Has Just Come In
Not George Washington's, Not Abraham Lincoln's, but Mine
Don't Wait, Hit Me Now!
I'll Write Their Number Down When We Get Home
Ask Daddy, He Won't Know
And How Keen Was the Vision of Sir Launfal?
Oafishness Sells Good, like an Advertisement Should
Ring Out the Old, Ring In the New, but Don't Get Caught in Between
1. FIRST CHIME
I Spy, or, The Depravity of Privacy
Anybody for Money? or, Just Bring Your Own Basket
Fee Fi Ho Hum, No Wonder Baby Sucks Her Thumb
Your Lead, Partner, I Hope We've Read the Same Book
Anybody Else Hate Nickynames?
The Snark Was a Boojum Was a Prawn
Try It Suns. and Hols.; Its Closed Then
What, No Sheep?
Ho, Varlet! My Two Cents' Worth of Penny Postcard!
Caesar Knifed Again, or, Culture Biz Gets Hep, Boffs Profs
1. MY DREAM
I Can't Have a Martini, Dear, but You Take One, or, Are You Going to Sit There Guzzling All Night?
I'll Eat My Split-Level Turkey in the Breezeway
Exit, Pursued by a Bear
A Brief Guide to Rhyming, or, How Be the Little Busy Doth?
If Fun Is Fun, Isn't That Enough?
Nature-Walks, or, Not to Mention a Dopping of Sheldrakes
1. THE SQUID
Up from the Egg: the Confessions of a Nuthatch Avoider
There'll Always Be a War Between the Sexes, or, A Woman Can Be Sometimes Pleased, but Never Satisfied
Posies from a Second Childhood, or, Hark How Gaffer Do Chaffer
DADDY'S HOME, SEE YOU TOMORROW
Preface to the Past
Birthday on the Beach
Crossing the Border
About the Author
What Our Readers Are Saying