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Your Cat's Just Not That Into You: What Part of Meow Don't You Understand?

by

Your Cat's Just Not That Into You: What Part of Meow Don't You Understand? Cover

 

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Aloof. Haughty. Disdainful. Withholding. Moody. Petulant. Imperious. Sound like anyone you know? It does if you own a cat. And while youve probably made hundreds of excuses about why your cats this way, the sad fact is—your cats just not that into you.

Dont despair. Its not you. Its your cat. Cats invented not being into you. Richard Smith is here to explain, and help.

Forlorn cat owners everywhere will see themselves in this book—in the “I Guess Her Mind Is on Other Things” excuse. In the “Maybe She Needs Her Own Space” excuse. In the “Maybe He Didnt Recognize Me in My New Hawaiian Shirt” excuse. Theyll educate themselves about feline indifference through the Know Thy Kitty Quizzes. Test their cats I.Q. Take the Schnapps-Porsche Well-Adjusted Cat Owner Analysis. Discover Ten Ways to Suck Up to Your Cat, including #2: leave affectionate Post-its in her kitty litter.

In the tradition of All I Need to Know I Learned from My Cat (1.7 million copies in print), Klibans Cat (985,000 copies in print), and even New York Timesbestseller Bad Cat (487,000 copies in print), Your Cat's Just Not That Into You is utterly loopy and yet dead-on wise—this is, after all, from the author of the classic Dieters Guide to Weight Loss During Sex. Its filled with insights into the interior life of the worlds most maddeningly mysterious animal, and into the damaged psyches of cat lovers who are so often given to wonder: Am I my cats punk?

Synopsis:

Dear Richard:

It was one of those perfect mornings. There I was, lying in bed with my cuddly Maine Coon, Shakespeare, snuggled up against me, his eyes half-closed, purring and exuding warmth like a giant, smelly heating pad. Suddenly he meowed and in a matter of seconds was off the bed and in the next room. Did I do someting wrong? Should I have let him get under the quilt? I really thought Shakespeare and I were having a "moment."

Allie

Dear Allie,

Are you (still) lying down? Good, then I can tell you that with cats, that's all there is—a moment, which pretty much sums up their attention span. Shakespeare wasn't with you one moment and gone the next; he was gone even while he was there, much like some men who, during a night of bliss, seem to have already put on their clothes and left. The difference, of course, is that cats don't have clothes to put on.

Synopsis:

Dear Richard:

It was one of those perfect mornings. There I was, lying in bed with my cuddly Maine Coon, Shakespeare, snuggled up against me, his eyes half-closed, purring and exuding warmth like a giant, smelly heating pad. Suddenly he meowed and in a matter of seconds was off the bed and in the next room. Did I do someting wrong? Should I have let him get under the quilt? I really thought Shakespeare and I were having a "moment."

Allie

Dear Allie,

Are you (still) lying down? Good, then I can tell you that with cats, that's all there is—a moment, which pretty much sums up their attention span. Shakespeare wasn't with you one moment and gone the next; he was gone even while he was there, much like some men who, during a night of bliss, seem to have already put on their clothes and left. The difference, of course, is that cats don't have clothes to put on.

About the Author

Richard Smith weighs even less than he did in 1978 when he wrote the original, bestselling Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex. And he has not given up carbohydrates.

Table of Contents

1. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE PRETENDS YOU DONand#8217;T EXIST

The and#8220;I Guess Her Mind is on Other Thingsand#8221; Excuse 2

The and#8220;When Iand#8217;m Calling Yoooooooouuuuuand#8221; Excuse 4

Straight from the Kitty Litter 5

The and#8220;Maybe She Has Attention Deficit Disorderand#8221;Excuse 6

Advisory to Wilma 8

Ten Ways to Suck Up to Your Cat 9

The and#8220;Maybe She Doesnand#8217;t Know How to Show Her Gratitude?and#8221;Excuse 10

The and#8220;Maybe Our Tan Is Throwing Her Offand#8221; Excuse 12

The and#8220;Sheand#8217;s Just Daydreamingand#8221; Excuse 14

The and#8220;Maybe He Needs To Take It Slowand#8221; Excuse 16

The and#8220;Maybe Sheand#8217;s Just Not Such a Good Listenerand#8221;Excuse 18

Test Your Cat I.Q. (Basic) 20

2. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHEand#8217;S FAKING INTEREST IN YOU

The and#8220;But My Cat Thinks Iand#8217;m Such a Good Catch(er)and#8221;Excuse 22

Advisory to Mona in Dallas 23

Red Flag Alert! 24

Advisory to P.T. in Tulsa 25

The and#8220;But She Really Is Talentedand#8221; Excuse 26

Donand#8217;t Despair 27

The and#8220;But She Doesnand#8217;t Realize Iand#8217;m Constipatedand#8221; Excuse 28

Cat Adoption Checklist 30

The and#8220;Unable to Face Realityand#8221; Excuse 31

The and#8220;Is It Identity Theft?and#8221; Excuse 32

The and#8220;But My Plants Need Wateringand#8221; Excuse 34

3. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE PHYSICALLY ABUSES YOU

Quiz: Know Thy Kitty 36

The and#8220;Maybe Sheand#8217;s Just Trying to Get Under My Skinand#8221;Excuse 37

Official Not-That-Into-You Word Jumble 38

For Cats Only: What Owners Want in a Cat 39

The and#8220;She Doesnand#8217;t Realize Itand#8217;s for Her Own Goodand#8221; Excuse 40

Your First Cat 42

The and#8220;She Must Prefer the Real Meand#8221; Excuse 43

The and#8220;My Catand#8217;s Just Not That Into Meand#8221; Excuse 44

Advisory to Glenda in Little Rock 45

Red Flag Alert!and#8212;The Official Early Warning

Wrong Cat Detection Checklist 46

4. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF NOTHING YOU DO PLEASES HER

How Predictable is Kitty? The Five Great Behavioral Equations 48

The and#8220;Why Canand#8217;t We All Just Get Alongand#8221; Excuse 50

Advisory to Eleanor 51

The and#8220;Maybe the Atmosphere Wasnand#8217;t Rightand#8221; Excuse 52

The and#8220;Do You Think Being a Parent Changed Her?and#8221; Excuse 54

Are You Your Catand#8217;s Punk? 56

The and#8220;But Maybe She Needs More Timeand#8221; Excuse 57

The and#8220;Should I Be Unselfish and Change My Life for Her?and#8221;Excuse 58

A Cat Loverand#8217;s Pledge 60

How Many Cats Per Person? 61

The and#8220;Maybe She Needs Her Own Spaceand#8221; Excuse 62

The and#8220;Maybe She Didnand#8217;t Recognize Me in My New Hawaiian Shirtand#8221; Excuse 64

Neediness Alert: Are You in Danger of Your Cat Being Into You? 65

Holidays Approaching? 66

Test Your Cat I.Q. (Advanced) 67

5. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF HEand#8217;S EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE

The and#8220;Sheand#8217;d Love Me If She Knew the Real Meand#8221; Excuse 70

The and#8220;Maybe She Has a Dress Codeand#8221; Excuse 71

The and#8220;Zing Went the Strings of My Heartand#8221; Excuse 72

Rejection Advisories to All Cat Owners 73

The and#8220;Maybe She Needs Some Time Aloneand#8221; Excuse 74

Extra-Helpful Affection Advisory! 75

The and#8220;Maybe the Lighting Was Badand#8221; Excuse 76

Two Super-Important Cat Tips 78

The and#8220;Sheand#8217;s Just Trying to Find Herselfand#8221; Excuse 78

Quiz: Know Thy Kitty 80

6. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE TEASES YOU WITH OCCASIONAL MOMENTS OF PSEUDO-INTIMACY

The and#8220;You Think Itand#8217;s Affection, Whereas Your Cat Merely Thinks Youand#8217;re Deliciousand#8221; Excuse 82

The and#8220;Canand#8217;t We Still Be Friends?and#8221; Excuse 84

Exactly How Not Into You Is Your Cat? 86

Advisory to Elizabeth 87

The and#8220;Should I Take The Hint and Shave My Legs?and#8221; Excuse 88

Quiz: Know Thy Kitty 89

Advisory to P.M.S. in Duluth 89

The and#8220;Maybe If I Had Designer Sheets?and#8221; Excuse 90

The Schnapps-Porsche Well-Adjusted Cat Owner Analysis 92

7. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE TOYS WITH YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

The and#8220;Animal Magnetism vs. Human Magnetismand#8221; Excuse 94

The and#8220;Itand#8217;s All My Faultand#8221; Excuse 96

Straight from the Kitty Litter 97

Are You Powerless Over Your Cat?and#8212;Warning Signs That Youand#8217;re Ready for the Cat Lovers Anonymous 12-Step Program 98

Quiz: Know Thy Kitty 99

Advisory to Olivia 99

The and#8220;I Thought He Was Trying to Shape Up for Bathing Suit Seasonand#8221; Excuse 100

Calorie Chart for Weight-Watching Cats 101

The and#8220;These Paws Are Made for Walkinand#8217;and#8221; Excuse 103

The and#8220;I Canand#8217;t Tell One Owner from the Otherand#8221; Excuse 104

Is Your Cat Cheating on You? Pay Attention if 105

The and#8220;Maybe My Cat Has a Terrific Sense of Humorand#8221; Excuse 106

8. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE FLAUNTS HER NEW LOVE INTEREST IN FRONT OF YOU

A Peek into Kittyand#8217;s Brain 108

The and#8220;But Security Was Just Doing Its Joband#8221; Excuse 109

Advisory to and#8220;Brokenhearted in Sacramentoand#8221; 110

The and#8220;But the Dog Started Itand#8221; Excuse 111

The and#8220;Love, Your Magic Spell Is Everywhereand#8221; Excuse 112

Insecure Owner Advisory 113

The and#8220;Maybe I Should Do More for Herand#8221; Excuse 114

Kitty Statistic 115

Cat Oxymora Test 116

9. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE SHOWS NO RESPECT FOR YOU OR YOUR POSSESSIONS

The and#8220;Such a Considerate Kitty, She Doesnand#8217;t Want to Shred the Entire Drapeand#8221; Excuse 118

The and#8220;Itand#8217;s Just That I Love You So Muchand#8221; Excuse 120

Reading Kittyand#8217;s Tail Positions 121

Advisory to Ronnie 121

The and#8220;Maybe She Needs Her Own Space Heaterand#8221; Excuse 122

Quiz: Know Thy Kitty Terminology 123

The and#8220;In Her Previous Life She Must Have Been a Ballerinaand#8221; Excuse 124

Tough Love Tip 125

Are You a Trophy Owner? 126

10. YOUR CATand#8217;S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU . . . IF SHE GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL OR LOOK BAD

Straight from the Kitty Litter 128

Official Kitty Horoscope 129

The and#8220;But She Makes House Callsand#8221; Excuse 130

The Six Thingsand#8212;The One Thing. 131

Advisory to Ramona 132

The and#8220;But Sheand#8217;ll Be Traumatized for Lifeand#8221; Excuse 133

Advisory to and#8220;From a Great House in Easthampton to a Double-Wide in Arkansasand#8221; 134

Straight from the Kitty Litter 134

The and#8220;Hey, Heand#8217;s a Cat; Therefore Heand#8217;s Allowed to be Temperamentaland#8221; Excuse 135

Therapy Class 101: Healing After Heartbreak 136

The and#8220;Maybe Iand#8217;m Using the Wrong Fingerand#8221; Excuse 137

The and#8220;Maybe She Hates to See Me Winand#8221; Excuse 138

Straight from the Kitty Litter 140

The and#8220;But She Seems So Light-Footedand#8221; Excuse 141

Quiz: Know Thy Kitty 142

Product Details

ISBN:
9780761139478
Author:
Sipress, David
Publisher:
Workman Publishing
Illustrator:
Sipress, David
Author:
Sipress, David
Subject:
Cats
Subject:
Behavior
Subject:
Cats - Training
Subject:
PETS / Cats / General
Subject:
Human-animal relationships
Subject:
Cats -- Behavior.
Subject:
Cats - General
Edition Description:
Trade Paperback
Publication Date:
20050831
Binding:
TRADE PAPER
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Illustrations:
YES
Pages:
112
Dimensions:
8.18x5.30x.49 in. .44 lbs.

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Your Cat's Just Not That Into You: What Part of Meow Don't You Understand? New Trade Paper
0 stars - 0 reviews
$8.95 In Stock
Product details 112 pages Workman Publishing - English 9780761139478 Reviews:
"Synopsis" by , Dear Richard:

It was one of those perfect mornings. There I was, lying in bed with my cuddly Maine Coon, Shakespeare, snuggled up against me, his eyes half-closed, purring and exuding warmth like a giant, smelly heating pad. Suddenly he meowed and in a matter of seconds was off the bed and in the next room. Did I do someting wrong? Should I have let him get under the quilt? I really thought Shakespeare and I were having a "moment."

Allie

Dear Allie,

Are you (still) lying down? Good, then I can tell you that with cats, that's all there is—a moment, which pretty much sums up their attention span. Shakespeare wasn't with you one moment and gone the next; he was gone even while he was there, much like some men who, during a night of bliss, seem to have already put on their clothes and left. The difference, of course, is that cats don't have clothes to put on.

"Synopsis" by ,
Dear Richard:

It was one of those perfect mornings. There I was, lying in bed with my cuddly Maine Coon, Shakespeare, snuggled up against me, his eyes half-closed, purring and exuding warmth like a giant, smelly heating pad. Suddenly he meowed and in a matter of seconds was off the bed and in the next room. Did I do someting wrong? Should I have let him get under the quilt? I really thought Shakespeare and I were having a "moment."

Allie

Dear Allie,

Are you (still) lying down? Good, then I can tell you that with cats, that's all there is—a moment, which pretty much sums up their attention span. Shakespeare wasn't with you one moment and gone the next; he was gone even while he was there, much like some men who, during a night of bliss, seem to have already put on their clothes and left. The difference, of course, is that cats don't have clothes to put on.

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