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Jewish as a Second Languageby Molly Katz
Synopses & Reviews
Now bigger, better, and with more guilt: a completely revised, updated, and expanded second edition (would it hurt to have a little more?) of Jewish as a Second Language, the hilarious field guide to Jewish language and culture.
Written to help her Gentile husband and others like him who fall for believing a Jewish mother-in-law when she says, "Don't bother driving me, I'll take a cab," Jewish as a Second Language shows how to be one of the family--how to worry, how to interrupt, how to change your hotel room. It's not Yiddish. Though non-Jews can endear themselves by learning how to mis-use words like schmendrick and schmatta--providing both laughs and confirmation of Jewish superiority--this Jewish language is about the complex twists and somersaults of everyday speech, of unexpected nuances, hidden meanings, and swampy thickets of behavior, of wins, losses, and draws in competitions you never knew you entered. It's about the most common OAQs (obsessive anal questions): "This mole looks okay, doesn't it?" "Can Saltines go bad?" "They'll de-ice the wings before takeoff, right?" The Four Basic Shrugs. Acronyms never to use again: NASCAR, STD, and MRSA (Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus, the potentially deadly skin virus that's spread by contact, and also by talking about it casually). The things non-Jews do for fun and what Jews do: Contra dance/Contradict, Read the comics/Read the obituaries, Get your boobs done/Get your taxes done. Stuff never found in a Jewish home (trout flies, a lineoleum knife, a Lay-Z-Boy, a rottweiler) or mouth (Miracle Whip, marshmallow fluff, Bud).
So you'll sit, you'll read, you'll laugh until you're nauseous. It's a nice book.
Forget Yiddish. Real Jewish is a secret language of nuance, argument, and somersaults of everyday speech; of wins, losses, and draws in competitions you had no idea you'd entered. It's everything from mastering the OAQ (Obsessive Anal Question)--"They'll de-ice the wings before takeoff right?"--to never, ever believing your mother-in-law when she says, "Don't bother driving me, I'll take a cab." Now in a revised and expanded second edition that's bigger, better, and with more guilt, this is the indispensable guide.
IT'S A NICE BOOK.
Molly Katz is Jewish and her husband is not.
Learn All the Family Secrets
From: The Positive Insult
To: The Viennese Table
The perfect gift. So you'll give.
About the Author
Molly Katz, author of humorous romance novels, psychological thrillers, and magazine and newspaper articles, is also a former stand-up comedian. She enjoys dancing, cooking, and traveling to places no sane person would go.
Table of Contents
On Joining a Jewish Family: Disadvantages and Advantages
DEVELOPING JEWISH CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS
How to Identify a Good Conversation
Where to Converse
11 Ways Not to Start a Conversation with a Jewish Person
The Quintessential Jewish Phone Conversation
Understanding Jewish Chitchat
The One Phrase You'll Never Hear a Jewish Person Utter
THE JEWISH HOME
Your Jewish Kitchen
17 Items You Won't See in a Jewish Home
Visiting Someone's Home
How to Comment on Someone's Home
Things You Can Count on Hearing Around the Table
Other Leisure-Time Activities
TV Programs Jews Never Watch
Magazines You May Not Subscribe to
Having People Over
The Politics of Entertaining
YOUR NEW JEWISH BODY
Feeding Your New Jewish Stomach
Caring for the Rest of Your New Jewish Body
The Medicine Chest
BUILDING YOUR NEW JEWISH ECONOMIC PERSPECTIVE
Things You Can Count on Hearing
Occupational Logistics and Strategy
You Won't See a Jewish Person Spend Dollar One At
RAISING YOUR JEWISH CHILD
Naming Your Children
The Psychology of Child-Raising
Your Child's Future
When Your Child Is Ready to Marry
Meeting the Prospective In-Laws
JOINING IN THE CUSTOMS OF YOUR NEW JEWISH FAMILY
The Buying of the Suit
The Returning of the Suit
The Swimmer's Miracle
What to Bring to the Restaurant
What Our Readers Are Saying
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