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Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like: Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar?

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Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like: Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar? Cover

 

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn't stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:
  • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
  • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
  • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are — let's be honest — a no-talent loser
  • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
  • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
  • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy — or, for that matter, sell — real estate
  • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
  • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
  • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
  • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
  • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman
But that's only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don't have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics ("Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot"). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can't afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.

What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you.

Be honest in your answers: If you lie, youll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.

What is your annual income?
1. More than $50,000.
2. Less than $50,000.
3. However much I get when I return these empties.

Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
1. Less than $10,000.
2. More than $10,000.
3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs.

How would you describe your portfolio?
1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.
2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.
3. My what?

When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
1. The amount of return.
2. The degree of risk.
3. The name of the jockey.

How do you plan to finance your retirement?
1. Savings.
2. Social security.
3. Sale of kidneys.

Review:

"After tackling such varied topics as marriage, sex, home ownership and Japan, Barry invests his jocular style in lampooning the wealth of personal finance guides out there. Mocking these books in format and tone, Barry addresses such important fiscal matters as the workings of the U.S. economy ('the U.S. workforce is engaged in the service economy, consisting of 83 million people in cubicles furtively sending and receiving personal e-mails'), how to get a job ('prove to a prospective employer that you possess the skill and knowledge necessary to string meaningless hyphenated buzzwords together into sentence fragments') and talking to your children about money ('explain to your child that if he buys lemonade from some other kid's stand, then happens to choke on a lemon seed, then you would be in a position to sue the other kid's parents for thousands of dollars'). Barry's satire will have readers laughing at themselves and at high-profile targets like Donald Trump, Alan Greenspan and Suze Orman. Some material, particularly his insights on dealing with spouses or his ideas for innovative pet products, will be familiar to fans, but it will hardly keep them from enjoying another humorous sendup that's right on the money. B&w photos. (Jan.)" Publishers Weekly Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review:

"After tackling such varied topics as marriage, sex, home ownership and Japan, Barry invests his jocular style in lampooning the wealth of personal finance guides out there. Mocking these books in format and tone, Barry addresses such important fiscal matters as the workings of the U.S. economy ('the U.S. workforce is engaged in the service economy, consisting of 83 million people in cubicles furtively sending and receiving personal e-mails'), how to get a job ('prove to a prospective employer that you possess the skill and knowledge necessary to string meaningless hyphenated buzzwords together into sentence fragments') and talking to your children about money ('explain to your child that if he buys lemonade from some other kid's stand, then happens to choke on a lemon seed, then you would be in a position to sue the other kid's parents for thousands of dollars'). Barry's satire will have readers laughing at themselves and at high-profile targets like Donald Trump, Alan Greenspan and Suze Orman. Some material, particularly his insights on dealing with spouses or his ideas for innovative pet products, will be familiar to fans, but it will hardly keep them from enjoying another humorous sendup that's right on the money. B&w photos." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

Review:

"Funny money talk from the irrepressible Barry." Library Journal

Review:

"A hoot-filled volume....Mr. Barry's money book can make you smarter and thriftier. Either that, or get you arrested." New York Times

Review:

"Dave Barry's still got it. Now if he could only produce, say, three of these books a week and have them delivered to our door?" Cleveland Plain Dealer

Review:

"[Barry] is one of the funniest writers around, and his new book is hilarious." Booklist

Synopsis:

For decades, Dave Barry's many fans have relied on him for a few good laughs, some humorous insight, and a bunch of great stories, none of which he makes up. But now, Dave brings us what we've really been waiting for: his financial advice. Dave Barry's Money Secrets reveals everything listeners need to know and more about the stock market, big business, and the art of making and losing money, including the all-important Stockbroker Decision-Making Chart, the shocking truth about the furniture in the CEO's office and how it affects your portfolio, plus plenty of foolproof techniques for getting rich in real estate. Or not. And if all else fails, you'll be comforted as Dave explains the significant financial benefits of an early death.

Dave Barry's Money Secrets is Dave's first completely original nonfiction book in five years. And with Dave taking a break from his wildly popular newspaper column, you can imagine how eager his fans will be to spend a few bucks on this thing, even if they would be better off putting the money in a long-term growth annuity whatsit or something.

About the Author

Dave Barry has been awarded the Pulitzer Prize for commentary. His columns for the Miami Herald were syndicated worldwide, and he is the author of a number of bestselling books, including the recently published Peter and the Starcatchers with Ridley Pearson. He lives in Miami, where he drives very nervously.

Product Details

ISBN:
9781400047581
Author:
Barry, Dave
Publisher:
Random House
Subject:
General
Subject:
Essays
Subject:
Money
Subject:
Finance, personal
Subject:
Form - Essays
Publication Date:
January 2006
Binding:
Hardcover
Language:
English
Illustrations:
Y
Pages:
230
Dimensions:
8.40x6.40x.86 in. .79 lbs.

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Anthologies
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Narrative

Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like: Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar? Used Hardcover
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Product details 230 pages Crown Publishers - English 9781400047581 Reviews:
"Publishers Weekly Review" by , "After tackling such varied topics as marriage, sex, home ownership and Japan, Barry invests his jocular style in lampooning the wealth of personal finance guides out there. Mocking these books in format and tone, Barry addresses such important fiscal matters as the workings of the U.S. economy ('the U.S. workforce is engaged in the service economy, consisting of 83 million people in cubicles furtively sending and receiving personal e-mails'), how to get a job ('prove to a prospective employer that you possess the skill and knowledge necessary to string meaningless hyphenated buzzwords together into sentence fragments') and talking to your children about money ('explain to your child that if he buys lemonade from some other kid's stand, then happens to choke on a lemon seed, then you would be in a position to sue the other kid's parents for thousands of dollars'). Barry's satire will have readers laughing at themselves and at high-profile targets like Donald Trump, Alan Greenspan and Suze Orman. Some material, particularly his insights on dealing with spouses or his ideas for innovative pet products, will be familiar to fans, but it will hardly keep them from enjoying another humorous sendup that's right on the money. B&w photos. (Jan.)" Publishers Weekly Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
"Publishers Weekly Review" by , "After tackling such varied topics as marriage, sex, home ownership and Japan, Barry invests his jocular style in lampooning the wealth of personal finance guides out there. Mocking these books in format and tone, Barry addresses such important fiscal matters as the workings of the U.S. economy ('the U.S. workforce is engaged in the service economy, consisting of 83 million people in cubicles furtively sending and receiving personal e-mails'), how to get a job ('prove to a prospective employer that you possess the skill and knowledge necessary to string meaningless hyphenated buzzwords together into sentence fragments') and talking to your children about money ('explain to your child that if he buys lemonade from some other kid's stand, then happens to choke on a lemon seed, then you would be in a position to sue the other kid's parents for thousands of dollars'). Barry's satire will have readers laughing at themselves and at high-profile targets like Donald Trump, Alan Greenspan and Suze Orman. Some material, particularly his insights on dealing with spouses or his ideas for innovative pet products, will be familiar to fans, but it will hardly keep them from enjoying another humorous sendup that's right on the money. B&w photos." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
"Review" by , "Funny money talk from the irrepressible Barry."
"Review" by , "A hoot-filled volume....Mr. Barry's money book can make you smarter and thriftier. Either that, or get you arrested."
"Review" by , "Dave Barry's still got it. Now if he could only produce, say, three of these books a week and have them delivered to our door?"
"Review" by , "[Barry] is one of the funniest writers around, and his new book is hilarious."
"Synopsis" by , For decades, Dave Barry's many fans have relied on him for a few good laughs, some humorous insight, and a bunch of great stories, none of which he makes up. But now, Dave brings us what we've really been waiting for: his financial advice. Dave Barry's Money Secrets reveals everything listeners need to know and more about the stock market, big business, and the art of making and losing money, including the all-important Stockbroker Decision-Making Chart, the shocking truth about the furniture in the CEO's office and how it affects your portfolio, plus plenty of foolproof techniques for getting rich in real estate. Or not. And if all else fails, you'll be comforted as Dave explains the significant financial benefits of an early death.

Dave Barry's Money Secrets is Dave's first completely original nonfiction book in five years. And with Dave taking a break from his wildly popular newspaper column, you can imagine how eager his fans will be to spend a few bucks on this thing, even if they would be better off putting the money in a long-term growth annuity whatsit or something.

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