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Sh*t My Dad Saysby Justin Halpern
Okay, yes, it kind of sucks that this guy's dad says funny things, he writes them down, and presto — book deal! But get over it. The book is hilarious, and will make you grateful your dad is only mildly weird and embarrassing.
Synopses & Reviews
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair, has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
"If you're wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes." Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like
"Justin Halpern tosses lightening bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching — and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book." Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
"This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society." Chelsea Handler
"Justin Halpern's dad is up there with Aristotle and Winston F*cking Churchill. He's brilliant, and his son's book is absolutely hilarious." A.J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Know-It-All
In the vein of bestselling humor collections by Chelsea Handler, David Sedaris, and Laurie Notaro, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
In the vein of SH*T MY DAD SAYS, a hilarious chronicle of a twentysomething and her 75-year-old sh*t-talking yenta as they navigate through the world of online dating and modern love.
At twenty-three, Kayli Stollak, like most starry-eyed twentysomethings, assumed that she and her boyfriend, Charlie, would be together forever. Besides a rockinand#8217; sex life, they shared a passion for motorcycle adventures, hedonistic European music festivals, and wearing matching glittery spandex to the disco. What more could a gal ask for? She envisioned their love burning well into their sixties.
And then he dumped her.
Heartbroken, Kayli turned to her seventy-five-year-old granny for support. And this ainand#8217;t no ordinary granny. Granny Gail is a ball-busting, sh*t-talking, gossipy yenta with an anecdote or piece of unsolicited advice for every situation. Granny didnand#8217;t sugarcoat the truth or let Kayli dwell on her failed relationship. No, Granny told her to cut the crap and snap out of it. Why didnand#8217;t Kayli give and#8220;one of those dating websitesand#8221; a shot? With her ego on the line, Kayli threw the dare right back at herand#8212;if it was so wonderful, why didnand#8217;t single Granny join her in the world of cyber romance?
Granny Is My Wingman chronicles Kayliand#8217;s and Grannyand#8217;s misadventures in online dating. What ensues is a hilarious tour through the obstacles of modern love: drunken hookups, late-night Facebook stalking, breathy phone calls with geriatric suitors, and the occasional rude dude. While Kayli powers through a marathon of OkCupid datesand#8212;the corporate drone married to his BlackBerry, the nail-biting thirty-three-year-old who still lives at home with his mom, the serial online daterand#8212;we learn about Grannyand#8217;s romantic past and the bittersweet affair she carried on, even while married, for more than thirty years. The two women cheer each other on and become even closer as they share their dating exploits, learning that the hunt for happiness is the same whether youand#8217;re twenty-five or seventy-five.
Fresh, funny, and honest, Granny Is My Wingman is a book for anyone who has ever found love, lost it, and been crazy enough to do it all over again.
Erin McHughs last book, Like My Mother Always Said, collected a rainbow of helpful, humorous, and questionable wisdom from our moms and has been a solid success. Its not fair that mothers should get all the attention, so the next branch on the family tree to explore belongs to fathers. The same crowdsourcing that brought together the scores of quotations and stories for the first book is also at work here. From quips to short anecdotes, the book is divided up into all the sage and nutty information we garner from our fathers in chapters such as “Growing Up Right,” “The Facts of Life,” “Dads Soft Spot,” “Got It from Grandpa,” “The Sporting Life,” and “Ask Your Mother.”
About the Author
Justin Halpern is the founding editor of the comedy website HolyTaco.com and a senior writer at Maxim.com. Halpern is the creator of the Twitter page "Shit My Dad Says," which boasts almost two million followers, and is co-writer and co-producer of the CBS sitcom $#*! My Dad Says. He splits his time between Los Angeles and his parents' home in San Diego.
Table of Contents
1.and#160;Who the Hell Is Jenna Jones?!and#8195;1
2.and#160;Hitting Is a Part of Healingand#8195;5
3.and#160;Cut the Shitand#8195;11
4.and#160;Whatand#8217;s Love Got to Do with It?and#8195;14
5.and#160;An Affair to Rememberand#8195;20
6.and#160;The Favorite Granddaughterand#8195;28
7.and#160;75 Yr Old Woman Seeks 75 Yr Old Manand#8195;32
8.and#160;I Donand#8217;t Make Dinner, I Make Reservationsand#8195;38
9.and#160;Players Gonna Playand#8195;45
10.and#160;Settling for Lifeand#8195;57
11.and#160;Fantastic vs. Fartyand#8195;65
12.and#160;Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!and#8195;70
13.and#160;This Ainand#8217;t Her First Rodeoand#8195;80
14.and#160;Junk in the Trunkand#8195;85
18.and#160;Donand#8217;t Stop, Wonand#8217;t Stopand#8195;117
20.and#160;Itand#8217;s Not Me, Itand#8217;s Youand#8195;133
22.and#160;Heand#8217;s Busy? Youand#8217;re Twice as Busyand#8195;146
23.and#160;Dasher and Dancerand#8195;156
24.and#160;The Horizontal Boogieand#8195;159
25.and#160;Friends in a Hopeless Placeand#8195;174
27.and#160;Whole Foods Hookupsand#8195;187
28.and#160;Granny Knows Bestand#8195;191
29.and#160;D to the T to the Rand#8195;197
and#160;and#160;and#160;About the Authorand#8195;205
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