Chapter One Where to Begin

Who will officiate at your service? If you are an active member of a church or a temple, you may already know the person you want to officiate at your wedding. If you are not a member of a religious group, your parents may be active in a church or a temple. They may recommend someone to you. You may not be active in a church or a temple but you may have a denomination in which both of you feel comfortable. If this is the case, look in a local phone book for that denomination and call to see who can officiate at the ceremony. You may have a particular religious building in which you want to get married. Ask what rules the owners of the building have about clergy. Some may have a policy that the only clergy who can officiate at a wedding in their building are the clergy who serve that congregation. Others may welcome guest ministers, rabbis or priests.

Remember that the first responsibility of any cleric is to his or her own congregation. If you are not a member of any religious organization, you may need to make several calls. It may take numerous conversations before you find a cleric who is available and with whom you feel comfortable. Clergy with smaller congregations tend to be more willing and able to officiate at weddings. They can take time to work with you in planning the service because they have fewer demands placed on them by their congregations. Also, fees from weddings help supplement their income.

Laws vary from state to state regarding whom a state legally authorizes to officiate at weddings. When you get your marriage license, ask the clerk what the local laws are. Avoid persons who have mail order ordination certificates. Your weddingmay not be considered legal. Play it safe. Use a cleric from an established denomination who meets the laws of the state in which you live.

There are many different styles of religious leadership. Try to find someone with whom you are comfortable. Here is an example of an opening phone call:

"My name is ______. I am not a member of your church (or your synagogue), but I am looking for a minister (or priest or rabbi) to officiate at my wedding. Do you do weddings for nonmembers?

We have come together to share in the joy and celebration of a marriage ... Here is the guide that will help you design the wedding ceremony that is perfect for you. Complete with all kinds of options for both traditional and nontraditional weddings, it includes all the basic parts of Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish ceremonies as well as ideas for readings from the Old and New Testaments and from Hebrew Scriptures, as well as from the works of writers and poets. In addition to the familiar traditional vows, you'll find personalized promises written by the bride and groom. Also included are services appropriate for interfaith marriages and passages that include families and children from previous marriages. In addition, you'll find valuable guidance on all aspects of wedding planning, including where to hold the ceremony, music, customs and traditions, wedding etiquette, and more.