Unusually Stupid Politicians: Washington's Weak in Review

Chapter 1

Politicians are public servants. In other words, they serve the public. They do what the public wants them to do . . . which, if you look at the record, could mean that the public wants them to take lots of taxpayer money, take lots of vacations, and enact useless, dumb laws.

But isn't that being cynical?

IT’S A TOUGH CONGRESSIONAL LIFE:

THE INCREDIBLY HARD WORKLOAD OF OUR

PUBLIC SERVANTS ON CAPITOL HILL

Senators and representatives do not have it easy. Sure, they get some perks and their salaries really aren't that bad. But they work hard for the money-merely for the betterment of U.S. citizens like us.

We think it’s time to give credit to these hardworking public servants. After all, just look at the facts:

Fact #1: In 2006, congressmen were working nearly THREE DAYS a week (Well, more like two, actually, but it was spread over three days . . . )

We're tired just thinking about it, but, yes, it’s true. The congressional workweek began late Tuesday and lasted until Thursday afternoon. (Of course, the House was in recess for many weeks, but that's not the point.) And this workweek was followed for the whole year-not counting the monthlong August recess, the two-week April recess, and the other weeks they get off in February, March, and June. . . .

Fact #2: And NOW, as of January 2007, they actually have to work (gasp) FIVE whole days a week (Well, almost five whole days . . . )

House members now have to be in the Capitol each Monday by 6:30 p.m. and aren't done with their workweek until Friday at about 2 p.m.

Can you imagine having to work Monday (well, late Monday) through Friday (well, mid-Friday)? And they got some of their holidays cut as well. For example, instead of a six-weekday Memorial Day holiday, they'll only get Memorial Day off. (You know, like most Americans.)

It's all due to the new Democrat-run House. The Democrats wanted to make sure work got done-and extending the workweek seemed to be the logical first choice. But some representatives think it represents something more insidious . . .

As Representative Jack Kingston (R-GA)-who used to fly home on Thursday and return to D.C. on Tuesday—astutely pointed out: Keeping us up here eats away at families. Marriages suffer. The Democrats could care less about families-that's what this says.

Fact #3: The above fact notwithstanding, the House started out the new longer workweek by cutting it one day short . . .

to watch a VITAL college football game

The much-vaunted longer workweek so we can get things done plan got sidelined in the VERY FIRST WEEK.

Of course, all that was on the agenda was voting on raising the minimum wage and changes in homeland security legislation. This was clearly not as important as the big national college championship football game between Florida and Ohio State. So the new minority leader, Representative John Boehner (R-OH), asked for Monday off so members (including himself) could attend the game. One of the chief opponents of the prior Republican-led Congress's three-day workweek, House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD), took to the floor to back up Boehner, explaining, There is a very important event happening Monday night, particularly for those who live in Ohio and Florida.

The House got Monday off. And Florida

The creators of Unusually Stupid Celebrities take on the world of American government and politicians in a zany compilation of anecdotes, lists, and quotes that include the "I'm Not Corrupt, I'm Just Enterprising" Awards, the Political Pundit Punishment Chart, Senatorial Salaciousness, and the Governmental Overspending Sweepstakes. Original. 60,000 first printing.

Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying “No comment.” Sections include

• Extreme Hairsplitting–such as when Florida governor Jeb Bush, after being accused of hiding in a closet from rampaging Democrats, denied the allegation completely, stating that “it was actually a boiler room”

• Brilliant and Innovative Ideas from The Pentagon– like their groundbreaking "Gay Bomb," their "Bad Breath Inducing" halitosis weapon and their plans to enlist The Three Stooges in the fight against terror.

• Creative Political Excuses——such as “I just discovered I’m Jewish and it’s a Holy Day,”——used by Senator George Allen, who, after learning of his Jewish heritage, got out of a Senate hearing to “observe” Yom Kippur

• The Most Egregiously Large Political Egos–measured in standard Chuck Schumer Ego Units (CSEUs)

This hilarious and eye-opening exposé gives awards for “How I Blew My Campaign” and “Worst Campaign Ad,” and shares a list of candidates “endorsed by God,” as well as a list of those who lost because of Satan. So turn off C-SPAN and quit text-messaging congressional pages–you’re about to learn what the definition of “is” is.

Politicians at work — Inside the political mind : attitudes, theories and insights — Political skills and talents — The political personality : politicians acting, being, and doing — Political communication — Political campaigns — Political families — Bureaucracy — Your government at work fighting terror as usual and to the best of its ability, which isn't necessarily that comforting (if you know what we mean) — Political pundits.