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Lizard Tales: The Wit and Wisdom of Ron Shirley

by

Lizard Tales: The Wit and Wisdom of Ron Shirley Cover

 

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

The star of TruTV's hit show, Lizard Lick Towing, shares stories of life as a small-town repo man, as well as the "Ron-isms" and "Ron-osophy" he is known for.

Crazier than a sack of rabid weasels?

Country as cornflakes?

Gooder than grits?

You bet he is!

 

Week after week, millions of viewers tune in to Lizard Lick Towing to watch Ron Shirley outsmart the fist-swinging, gun-toting folks whose vehicles he’s been hired to repossess. Staring danger in the face, Ron disarms them not with his size or his strength but with his wit—and especially with his trademark funny sayings that have come to be known as “Ronisms.” 

   In Lizard Tales, Ron takes readers on a side-splitting trip through his wacky, colorful life. Growing up and raising heck in the Carolina countryside—where sushi is still called “bait”—young Ronnie was known to gig frogs, mooch moonshine from his pops, hunt, and cruise the strip in Myrtle Beach. He continues to get himself into hilarious scrapes and jams as an adult by tarring a roof during a lightning storm, inviting an angry deer onto his cousin’s brand-new boat, drinking (and fist-fighting) with a priest, matching wits with his wife, Amy, and running repo with his sidekicks at the towing company. So kick back, help yourself to some ’shine (if you got it), let Ron tell you some stories, and prepare yourself to get licked!

About the Author

Ron Shirley is the star of TruTV’s hit series Lizard Lick Towing. He lives with his family in North Carolina.

Table of Contents

Introduction

1. This Is a Dog- Eat- Dog World . . . So Don’t Come Around

Wearin’ No Milk- Bone Underwear

2. Letting the Cat Out of the Bag . . . Is a Whole Lot Easier

Than Putting Him Back In

3. Tell Me What You Need . . . And I’ll Tell You How to Get

Along Without It

4. Trains and Trouble

5. Chasing Your Tail Gets You Nowhere Except Back to

Where You Started

6. Go for the Ugly Early . . . And You’ll Never Go Home

Alone

7. Don’t Ever Corner Nuthin’ Meaner Than You

8. Whoever Said You Can’t Buy Happiness Must Have Been

Dead Broke

9. Don’t Ever Mess with Nuthin’ . . . That Ain’t Messin’ with

You

10. You Always Catch More Flies with Honey Than

Vinegar . . . If You Want to Catch Flies

11. Save Your Breath . . . You Might Need It to Blow Up Your

Next Date

12. Being Big Don’t Make You Bad . . . No More Than Being

Born in an Oven Makes You a Biscuit

13. Don’t Ride a Horse Till You’ve Checked Under His

Saddle

14. Tighter Than a Frog’s Butt . . . And That’s Watertight 000

15. Either Fish or Cut Bait

16. If It’s Got Tires or Testicles . . . It’s Gonna Give You

Trouble

17. It’s Better to Let People Think You’re an Idiot . . . Than to

Open Your Mouth and Remove All Doubt

18. Life’s Always Simpler When You Plow Around the

Stumps

19. You’d Rather French Kiss a Rattlesnake . . .

20. There’s Two Theories About Arguing with a

Woman . . . And Neither One of Them Works

21. If Everything’s Coming Your Way . . . You’re in the Wrong

Lane

22. Rapture Isn’t What You Get When You Lift Something

That’s Too Heavy

23. I Married Miss Right . . . I Just Didn’t Know Her First

Name Was “Always”

24. There Ain’t No Sense in Beating a Dead

Horse . . . ’Course, It Can’t Hurt None Neither

25. If I Tell You a Rooster Can Pull a Freight Train . . . You’d

Better Hook ’Im Up

26. Some Days You’re the Pigeon . . . And Some Days You’re

the Statue

27. A Fisherman Is a Jerk on One End of the Line Waiting for

a Jerk on the Other

28. Sometimes You Can’t Tell Nobody Nuthin’ . . . That Ain’t

Never Been Nowhere

29. I Used to Have a Handle on Life . . . But Now It’s

Broken

Final Thoughts from an Uncommon Mind

Acknowledgments

Product Details

ISBN:
9780385347266
Author:
Shirley, Ron
Publisher:
Three Rivers Press (CA)
Subject:
Humor-Anthologies
Subject:
Entertainment & Performing Arts
Subject:
Essays
Edition Description:
Trade paper
Publication Date:
20121131
Binding:
TRADE PAPER
Language:
English
Pages:
224
Dimensions:
8.02 x 5.16 x 0.61 in 0.44 lb

Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Film and Television » TV Programs
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Anthologies
Biography » Entertainment and Performing Arts

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