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Why Is It Always about You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

by Sandy Hotchkiss

Why Is It Always about You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism Cover

ISBN13: 9780743214285
ISBN10: 0743214285
Condition: Standard
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Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

For everyone who has ever been driven to despair, anger, or anguish by controlling, self-absorbed people, this breakthrough book provides helpful strategies for dealing with harmful narcissists and rebuilding one's own confidence and self-esteem.

Normal relationships are built on give-and-take, a dynamic that supports our sense of who we are as individuals and encourages pride in the positive contributions we make to our families, workplace, and society in general. But all of us have come across narcissists, people whose self-interest overrides all else and who, whether they are our bosses, co-workers, lovers, parents, and even our children, can make us feel invisible and worthless.

In Why Is It Always About You?, Sandy Hotchkiss identifies the seven deadly sins of narcissism — shamelessness, magical thinking, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation, and bad boundaries. She explains why some people become narcissists, why most of us are vulnerable to them, and how to break away from the power they hold over us. Paying special attention to the roles parenting and culture play in narcissism in adolescents, in love relationships, in the work environment, and among the aging.

Review:

"A how-to not only for disengaging yourself from the narcissists in your life but also learning to live with them." The Hartford Courant

Review:

"People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm." Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., coauthor of I Hate You — Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Review:

"A practical and accessible book about one of the most prevalent personality disorders of our time." Drew Pinksy, M.D.

Synopsis:

The first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade shows readers how to cope with the controlling, self-absorbed people in their lives, and offers healthy strategies for rebuilding self-esteem.

Synopsis:

In this groundbreaking book — the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade — clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism — Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries — and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.

Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

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About the Author

Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW teaches in the Master's Program at the University of Southern California School of Social Work and has a private practice in psychotherapy. A fellow of the California Society for Clinical Social Work, she lives in the Los Angeles area.
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Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction: They're Everywhere

Part I: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

  1. Shamelessness

  2. Magical Thinking

  3. Arrogance

  4. Envy

  5. Entitlement

  6. Exploitation

  7. Bad Boundaries

Part II: Where Does Narcissism Come From?

  1. Childhood Narcissism and the Birth of "Me"

  2. The Narcissistic Parent

Part III: Defending Your Self: Survival Strategies for a Narcissistic World

  1. Strategy One: Know Yourself

  2. Strategy Two: Embrace Reality

  3. Strategy Three: Set Boundaries

  4. Strategy Four: Cultivate Reciprocal Relationships

Part IV: "Special People": The Narcissists in Your Life

  1. Adolescent Narcissism: What's Normal, What Isn't

  2. Narcissists in Love: The Fusion Delusion

  3. Narcissists at Work: The Abuse of Power

  4. Narcissism and Aging: The Mirror Cracks

Part V: Only You Can Prevent Narcissism

  1. The Narcissistic Society

  2. Becoming Better Parents

Notes

Suggested Readings

Index

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What Our Readers Are Saying

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Average customer rating based on 4 comments:
K Bloom, December 24, 2007 (view all comments by K Bloom)
I admit to being disappointed in this book. Even so, it was a useful overview of a pervasive problem, one that faces most of us much of the time: how do we deal with self-absorbed narrcisists without being untrue to ourselves?
Things I liked about the book include the use of illuminating examples, the checklists and suggested courses of action in dealing with particular kinds of issues, and the excellent explanation of what narrcissism is and where it comes from. In fact, the examples she gave of narcissism in action were all extremely good and useful. After reading several books on the subject, I have to say I think she does the best job of providing examples and elucidating them.

Things I did not like about the book include the fact that since she covers so very much ground, much of it is covered superficially. One thing she did frequently that eventually grated on me a lot was to include a disclaimer right before offering advice about how to proceed in some particular kind of encounter with a narcissist. This disclamer essentially said "make sure you aren't being guilty of any narcissism before you start". Well, that makes sense. But one of the things the book makes clear is that narcissists can't really see that they are doing anything wrong at all. And so, I had to wonder exactly how is the reader supposed to determine whether, in this case, she is acting rationally or narcissistically?! I'd also recommend reading Tino Georgiou's bestselling novel--The Fates--if you haven't yet
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J T, February 24, 2007 (view all comments by J T)
I picked up this book after breaking up with a very talented and egocentric narcissist who, like an earlier reader commented, was superficially generous & kind, but whose lack of true empathy was stunning, & almost incomprehesible to me. I had never faced anything quite like it before, & after the relationship I was left with a need to further understand, to heal, & to avoid repeating that dynamic in future relationships. Very smart, insightful, & highly recommended!!
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tr_ca, February 15, 2007 (view all comments by tr_ca)
Although I don't admire Hotchkiss's writing particularly (she has a bad habit of capitalizing the words that matter to her, like Self), this book has been really vital to me in the last year. My family exploded in the wake of a big lifecycle event, and I was reeling from the inexplicable fallout. An acquaintance suggested this book. I am rereading it again and made a special point of coming to this site to comment that, not to be too corny, this book has literally changed my life. If you have someone in your life who seems to have a strange lack of empathy, even if they are superfically generous, you might get a lot of use out of this book -- and if it's one of your parents, you really should take a look at it, because you probably came out of your childhood with a real lack of attention to your own needs, and you could be so much happier if you understood your family better. The book gives very specific techniques for dealing with narcissists in all walks of life. Very highly recommended.
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Product Details

ISBN:
9780743214285
Author:
Hotchkiss, Sandy
Publisher:
Free Press
Foreword by:
Masterson, James F.
Foreword:
Masterson, James F.
Author:
Masterson, James F.
Location:
New York
Subject:
General
Subject:
Interpersonal Relations
Subject:
Mental health
Subject:
Narcissism
Subject:
Personal Growth - General
Subject:
General Psychology & Psychiatry
Subject:
General Self-Help
Subject:
Self-Help : General
Copyright:
2003
Edition Description:
B102
Series Volume:
vol. 15, No. 4(D).
Publication Date:
August 2003
Binding:
TRADE PAPER
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Pages:
240
Dimensions:
8.44 x 5.5 in 7.665 oz
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Related Aisles

Why Is It Always about You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism Used Trade Paper
0 stars - 0 reviews
$10.50 In Stock
Product details 240 pages Free Press - English 9780743214285 Reviews:
"Review" by , "A how-to not only for disengaging yourself from the narcissists in your life but also learning to live with them."
"Review" by , "People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm." Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., coauthor of I Hate You — Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
"Review" by , "A practical and accessible book about one of the most prevalent personality disorders of our time."
"Synopsis" by , The first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade shows readers how to cope with the controlling, self-absorbed people in their lives, and offers healthy strategies for rebuilding self-esteem.
"Synopsis" by , In this groundbreaking book — the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade — clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism — Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries — and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.

Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

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