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Here Speeching American: A Very Strange Guide to English as It Is Garbled around the Worldby Kathryn Petras
Synopses & Reviews
Your trip abroad often begins before you set foot in your destination country. We are speaking, of course, of foreign airlines. What better way to immediately get to know the people and the culture, and to get a glimpse of the fun times you'll soon be having, than flying on your host country’s national carrier?
The first impression you'll get of the country you’ll be visiting is from your flight crew. They are carefully selected to be the perfect ambassadors.
Duck feet? You’re out. Pigeon toes? Out Bowlegs, pimples, warts, moles, dark skin, scars, bad breath? Out . . . And] they must be virgins.
Hao Yu-ping, director of flight attendant school at China Air, describing the airline's requirements for flight attendants
The stewardesses of Southwest Airlines must go through four steps, such as hardship, tiredment, dirt feeling. Beside the quality of general stewardess.
from the first edition of Chinese airline Southwest Civil Aviation's Inflight Magazing sic]
And they’re trained to give you exceptional-even exotic-service.
Sir would you like some sauce on your balls?
Singapore Airlines stewardess, quoted in Singapore newspaper
The crew will want to make your flight as comfortable and safe as possible, so read the helpful material in the seat pocket-and be assured of a relaxing, worry-free trip.
Bags to be use in case of sickness of to gather
slogan on a Spanish airline's airsickness bag
And an itch-free trip too
Wish you have a joyful journey
When you are in public talking and laughing and drinking and singing . . . living a happy life, suddenly you feel some part of your body is too itchy to endure. How embarrassed Please dial fax 01-491-0253, you will gain an unexpected result.
Air China brochure
You may want to read the specifics of your flight for further reassurance.
International Fright Information
airline timetable, China Airlines in-flight magazine
Maximum cruising fright level
in-flight magazine, China Eastern Airlines
So settle back and dip into that in-flight magazine. What a wonderful way to begin your vacation
Enjoy French odor in the South Pacific.
from a French airline (UTA) and government of New Caledonia ad
We'd like to offer our affection as a gift by the white bird on sky to every genuinely go the same may together with you. This is our only requite to you.
dedication, Xiamen Airlines in-flight magazine, China
Take this opportunity to read about the sights you'll soon be be seeing.
Situated in the monsoon tropical zone, though the year covered with luxuriant vegetations, the land of Dai La by the Red River is printed the forms of sitting tiger and winding dragon. . . . looking all over Vietnamese country, that's land of scenic beauty, an important metropolistes indeed for four directions to gatter and the first rank of city merined to be regarded as Capital forever.
in-flight magazine, Vietnam
Incest sticks hang from the ceil-
ing of a Taoist temple.
Morning Calm, in-flight
magazine, Korean Air
What an informative and exotic learning experience And get ready for an exotic eating ex
Takes a hilarious look at the challenges confronting English-speaking travelers around the world, from less-than-coherent road signs, to odd sounding food and drink, to impossible-to-follow directions, to other lighthearted examples of fractured English. Original. 20,000 first printing.
THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU’LL EVER READ
The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head–taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out–by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad:
• Feel like shopping?
We have no good things to sell.
–shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali
• Feeling sick?
Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose?
–Japanese medical form
• Wondering what to wear?
A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
–in a French hotel brochure
• Wondering where to eat?
Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch.
–slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International
But don’t take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”
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