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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Lifeby Laurie Notaro
Synopses & Reviews
“I’ve changed a bit since high school. Back then I said no to using and selling drugs. I washed on a normal basis and still had good credit.”
Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends—and that’s before she even puts on a bra.
For the past ten years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences. She writes about a world of hourly-wage jobs that require absolutely no skills, a mother who hands down judgments more forcefully than anyone seated on the Supreme Court, horrific high school reunions, and hangovers that leave her surprised that she woke up in the first place.
The misadventures of Laurie and her fellow Idiot Girls (“too cool to be in the Smart Group”) unfold in a world that everyone will recognize but no one has ever described so hilariously. She delivers the goods: life as we all know it.
"[A] bitingly funny memoir..." Bust
The Idiot Girls' Action Adventure Club is a bitingly funny memoir of a 20-something woman and her band of friends as they stumble through sticky hangovers, evil boyfriends, the temptation of carbohydrates, and supermodel neighbors.
Hangovers. Bad boyfriends. Sucky jobs. Carbohydrate addiction. Dead bodies. Naked women. The truly spectacular, wondrous, and marvelously genius works of humor columnist Laurie Notaro will tickle you with fanciful delight, make you search your soul with profound reflection, and hopefully make you pee in your pants. If it doesn't, you can sell it to a used bookstore. But probably not.
In a hilarious compendium of essays and accounts of her autobiographical misadventures and life experiences, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action Adventure Club covers topics ranging from bad boyfriends and jobs to embarrassing doctor visits and high-school reunions. Original. 75,000 first printing.
Wrap & Roll and the Disappearance of Nikki's Keys
Nikki’s keys were gone.
I don't understand, I said emphatically. You had them yesterday.”
“I’m aware of that,” she replied. “But somewhere in between being drunk yesterday and sober today, my keys vanished.
And you're going to make me help you look for them, I suppose.
No, you're going to gladly help me look for them because you’re my friend and you also owe me forty dollars,” she said.
Let me explain right now that Nikki does not do things in a small way, she never has. Take a simple thing like losing your keys. The last time she lost them, not only couldn't she drive anywhere, but she had also locked every door in the car for the first time in her life. This created a problem because she had left her roommate's dry cleaning in the trunk. And that created a problem because the dry cleaning consisted of every military uniform that he possessed. And that created another problem because he needed to be at the airport in two hours, since he was flying out on an Army mission overseas. And that created yet another problem, because he couldn't show up in civilian clothes at the Army place because he said they would immediately shoot him in the head or give him a dishonorable discharge, because the Army doesn’t fire people, they just kill them or ruin their lives forever. And we still had yet another problem on our hands, and that was that Nikki was the only ride he had to the airport.
So, because Nikki lost her keys, someone was either going to die or spend the rest of his ruined life working at the only job he could get, which would probably be working at a record store or managing a record store. But the story actually didn't turn out too sad. After spending seventy-five dollars on a locksmith to get into the trunk, we found Nikki’s keys, leisurely placed right smack on top of an arsenal of khaki-green uniforms.
And if the reconnaissance of Nikki's keys had a seventy-five-dollar price tag, there was a terrifying chance my forty-dollar loan might get called in, which was bad. Especially since it was most likely being deposited at that very moment in the bank account of our favorite bar.
Please don't tell me that you were messing around with the trunk this time, or that your kid is sitting in the backseat with all of the windows rolled up, or that you left something of mine, like my CDs, on the front seat, I said as beads of worry were rolling down my forehead.
I knew you'd help me I just have to change into something yucky so I don’t get dirty, she said before bounding up the stairs.
Whatever, I thought as I shook my head, and figured I'd get a head start by rifling through the cushions of the couch. I found a lighter right away, which I pocketed. Then I found thirty-seven cents, which I also pocketed, and a hairy LifeSaver that I left for the next couch-cushion bandit.
Okay, I'm ready, she said as she came down the stairs, wearing the T-shirt with my caricature and name on the back that was made up during my days at Arizona State University's State Press Magazine.
I thought you said you were going to put on something ‘yucky, ' I said immediately. That’s my shirt. It’s got my face on it
About the Author
Laurie Notaro is a humor columnist for the Arizona Republic at www.azcentral.com. She has been fired from seven jobs (possibly eight) and lives with her first husband and pets (two dogs—a miniature Wookie and a lab that makes doody in her sleep—and a cat with no teeth) in the hot, dry dust bowl of Phoenix, Arizona. The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is her first book.
Table of Contents
Wrap and roll and the disappearance of Nikki's keys — Idiot girl's action-adventure club and the art of being dumb — Ashes to ashes, bones to dust, my mother always said underwear is a must — Good, the bad, and the ugly — Suckers — It smells like doody here — Morsel from the garden of Eden — Useless black bra and the stinkin'-drunk twelve-step program — Little guy — Run from the border — Night they drove ole Laurie down — This is a public service announcement — Going courtin' — Speech — Moral sex — Men are stupid and I rock (ode to Dorothy Parker) — Survival of the fittest - well, kind of — Extreme clean sports — Amy's Mom, the fairy, and the hedge clippers — Make me laugh, clown — How I can relive the horror of high school for $103 — In bell-bottoms and boots, you can go home again — Open wide — Dead in a box — How much it costs for a room of one's own — For the birds — Waiting for the bug man — I have a note from my Mom ... --- Good food — On the road — Are you the Petersens? — Revenge of the bra girl — Hole in one — Waking Angela up — Angela's revenge — All smut and perverts — Candy apple freak show — More bread, please — Nothing but a smile.
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