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The Mistress's Daughter: A Memoir

by A. M. Homes

The Mistress's Daughter: A Memoir Cover

Staff Pick

The Mistress's Daughter shows that truth is often stranger than fiction. In the hands of a lesser writer, the people in the book — including the author herself — would have been two-dimensional, bland, and unbelievable. What Homes has created is a riveting story of missed chances, betrayal, lies, and finally hope.
Recommended by Beth, Powells.com

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

An acclaimed novelist's riveting memoir about what it means to be adopted and how all of us construct our sense of self and family.

Before A.M. Homes was born, she was put up for adoption. Her birth mother was a twenty-two-year-old single woman who was having an affair with a much older married man with children of his own. The Mistress's Daughter is the story of what happened when, thirty years later, her birth parents came looking for her.

Homes, renowned for the psychological accuracy and emotional intensity of her storytelling, tells how her birth parents initially made contact with her and what happened afterward (her mother stalked her and appeared unannounced at a reading) and what she was able to reconstruct about the story of their lives and their families. Her birth mother, a complex and lonely woman, never married or had another child, and died of kidney failure in 1998; her birth father, who initially made overtures about inviting her into his family, never did.

Then the story jumps forward several years to when Homes opens the boxes of her mother's memorabilia. She had hoped to find her mother in those boxes, to know her secrets, but no relief came. She became increasingly obsessed with finding out as much as she could about all four parents and their families, hiring researchers and spending hours poring through newspaper morgues, municipal archives and genealogical Web sites. This brave, daring, and funny book is a story about what it means to be adopted, but it is also about identity and how all of us define our sense of self and family.

Review:

"Novelist Homes's searing 2004 New Yorker essay about meeting her biological parents 31 years after they gave her up for adoption forms the first half of this much-anticipated memoir, but the rest of the book doesn't match its visceral power. The first part, distilled by more than a decade's reflection and written with haunting precision, recounts Homes's unfulfilling reunions with both parents in 1993 after her birth mother, Ellen Ballman, contacted her. Homes (This Book Will Change Your Life,) learns that Ballman became pregnant at age 22, after being seduced by Norman Hecht, the married owner of the shop where Ballman worked. But Ballman's emotional neediness and the more upwardly mobile Hecht's unwillingness to fully acknowledge Homes as a family member shakes Homes's deepest sense of self. The rest of the memoir is a more undigested account of how Ballman's death pushed Homes to research her genealogy. Hecht's refusal to help Homes apply to the Daughters of the American Revolution based on their shared lineage elicits her 'nuclear-hot' rage, which devolves into a list of accusing questions she would ask him about his life choices in a mock L.A. Law episode. The final chapter is a loving but tacked-on tribute to Homes's adoptive grandmother that may leave readers wishing the author had given herself more time to fully integrate her adoptive and biological selves." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

Review:

"In 2004 the New Yorker published an excerpt from A.M. Homes' memoir, 'The Mistress's Daughter.' Stylish, provocative and deeply personal, the piece dealt with the author's adoption and reunion with her biological parents. Such stories often have the cloying inevitability of Hallmark cards, but Homes deployed the same gimlet eye and ironic sensibility that distinguish her fiction. The book, which was... Washington Post Book Review (read the entire Washington Post review)

Review:

"A can't-put-it-down memoir as remarkable for its crystalline prose, flinty wit, and agile candor as for its arresting revelations." Donna Seaman, Booklist (Starred Review)

Review:

"Homes draws you in from the first sentence and holds your interest throughout....By the end, you'll feel glad that nurture rather than nature has been dominant in her upbringing. Highly recommended." Library Journal

Review:

"[An] unsatisfying and depressing story [that] proves to be of far more interest to the principals involved than to the reader. Ultimately off-putting and unappealing, due to a whiny, self-pitying attitude conveyed in overwrought prose." Kirkus Reviews

Review:

"What propels the book forward is a phase of intense, even obsessive genealogical research....Her perception of her situation shifts, her brilliant imagination takes fire, and she begins to engage with the broader realm of history." Chicago Tribune

Review:

"[A] taut, mesmerizing book that relies on both Homes' brutal honesty and her tendency toward high drama....The Mistress's Daughter...succeeds because of the writer's intimacy with her material, but also suffers from it." Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Review:

"[I]f The Mistress's Daughter is not entirely satisfying, if it loses some of its furious precision...as a document of a flawed, incoherent self, it remains fierce and eloquent. And even some of its messier sections are gripping." Katie Roiphe, The New York Times Book Review

Review:

"Homes makes too much fuss about the adoption thing. Certainly being adopted can lead to anxiety and feelings of uncertain identity....The problem is that Homes seems to think that this has never happened to anyone else." Minneapolis Star Tribune

Review:

"[T]hough the wary tone serves the presentation of the book's first half, it undermines the second....[H]ere the reader's imagination doesn't have enough context to work with. Except for the story of Homes and her four parents, the world is absent." Sven Birkerts, The Los Angeles Times

Review:

"The Mistress's Daughter has the beguiling pull of mystery, memory, and surprise. I fell in love with it from the first page and read compulsively to the end. It lays bare those questions about our essential selves: How did we become who we are? What elements of inheritance, neglect, accident, and choice gave us our confused identity, our quirky personality, our urges to be wholly loved? As A.M. Homes shows, there are no definitive answers, but in our search for them, we find more important truths." Amy Tan

Review:

"Both a heartbreak and a thrill to read, The Mistress's Daughter is a radiantly smart memoir of pain and self discovery, outlined in savage, very strange detail. A.M. Homes is a writer of extraordinary depth and courage and grace. Her story will knock you down and pick you back up again." Sean Wilsey

Review:

"To my generation of writers, Homes is a kind of hero, and The Mistress's Daughter is the latest example of her fearlessness and brilliance. It is a compelling, devastating, and furiously good book written with an honesty that few of us would risk." Zadie Smith

Synopsis:

Before A. M. Homes was born, she was put up for adoption. The Mistress's Daughter is the story of what happened when, 30 years later, her birth parents came looking for her.

About the Author

A. M. Homes is the author of several books of fiction. She has been awarded a Guggenheim and National Endowment for the Arts fellowships, and is a contributing editor at Vanity Fair.

What Our Readers Are Saying

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Average customer rating based on 3 comments:
dharmabooks, June 17, 2007 (view all comments by dharmabooks)
Homes' latest book goes beyond the category of memoir. The account of her circuitous search is at times uncomfortably intimate. But under Homes' care, the memoir is given a novelist's treatment; the result is a narrative, driven compellingly by the author's personal mission to first find, then lose, her biological parents.
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(7 of 13 readers found this comment helpful)
Meridith, April 18, 2007 (view all comments by Meridith)
A.M. Homes hits on so many of the ideas and feelings of what it can be like to be adopted and how our identities are constructed. She explores questions of identity and our tenuously consturcted self histories and comes up with answers that she can live with. A wonderful read that had me page turning all night.
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(14 of 22 readers found this comment helpful)
DC Reader, April 7, 2007 (view all comments by DC Reader)
Homes has expanded her 2004 "New Yorker" piece to book length with very mixed results.

Homes has some interesting ideas on genealogy & adoption, but they're mixed-up with too much self-pity. You'd think she was the only product of a bad adoption.

There are a number of more interesting and better researched books out there on adoption and the hunt for one's roots.
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(23 of 35 readers found this comment helpful)
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Product Details

ISBN:
9780670038381
Author:
Homes, A. M.
Publisher:
Viking Books
Subject:
Literary
Subject:
Adoption
Subject:
Adopted children
Subject:
Birthmothers
Subject:
Personal Memoirs
Subject:
Adoption & Fostering
Copyright:
Publication Date:
April 2007
Binding:
Hardcover
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Illustrations:
Y
Pages:
238
Dimensions:
8.50x6.06x.93 in. .84 lbs.

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