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Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like, Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar?

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Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like, Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar? Cover

 

Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:

• How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler

• Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money

• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser

• How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider

• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)

• Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate

• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating

• Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one

• How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any

• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death

• And many, many pictures of Suze Orman

But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.

What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you.

Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.

What is your annual income?

1. More than $50,000.

2. Less than $50,000.

3. However much I get when I return these empties.

Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?

1. Less than $10,000.

2. More than $10,000.

3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs.

How would you describe your portfolio?

1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.

2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.

3. My what?

When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?

1. The amount of return.

2. The degree of risk.

3. The name of the jockey.

How do you plan to finance your retirement?

1. Savings.

2. Social security.

3. Sale of kidneys.

—from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book”

Also available as a Crown eBook.

From the Hardcover edition.

Synopsis:

The popular humorist offers a whimsical take on the world of money and finance, sharing his unique advice on the stock market, big business, the art of making and losing money, furniture in the CEO's office, getting rich in real estate, and the financial benefits of an early death. 150,000 first printing.

Synopsis:

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:

• How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
• Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser
• How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
• Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate
• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
• Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
• How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
• And many, many pictures of Suze Orman

But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.


What k

About the Author

Dave Barry has been awarded the Pulitzer Prize for commentary. His columns for the Miami Herald were syndicated worldwide, and he is the author of a number of bestselling books, including the recently published Peter and the Starcatchers with Ridley Pearson. He lives in Miami, where he drives very nervously.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Why You Need This Book — How Money Works — How the U.S. Economy Works — Managing Your Personal Finances — How the Corporate World Works — How to Get a Job — Ethical Guidelines for Corporate CEOs — Providing for Medical Care — How to Argue with Your Spouse About Money — Teaching Your Children About Money — Providing for Your Children's College Educations — Starting Your Own Business — How to Get Rich in the Stock Market — How to Read a Corporate Annual Report — How to Manage a Hedge Fund — How to Get Rich in Real Estate — How to Negotiate a "Win-Win" Outcome — Income Taxes: Building Blocks of Our Great Nation and Lifeblood of Our Sacred Democratic Way of Life — Get Rich the Donald Trump Way! — A Guide to Tipping — Saving Money on Travel — Planning for Your Retirement — Planning Your Estate — Conclusion: You Can Do It!

Product Details

ISBN:
9780307345370
Subtitle:
Like, Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar?
Publisher:
Crown Publishers
Author:
Barry, Dave
Author:
Dave Barry
Subject:
Humor-General
Subject:
Humor : General
Subject:
Humor : Form - Essays
Subject:
Literary Collections : Essays
Subject:
General
Subject:
Essays
Subject:
Form - Essays
Subject:
Finance, personal
Subject:
Money
Subject:
Audio Books-Humor
Subject:
Humor-Anthologies
Subject:
Humor-Narrative
Subject:
HUMOR / Parodies
Subject:
Journalism-Journalists
Subject:
main_subject
Subject:
all_subjects
Publication Date:
20060117
Binding:
ELECTRONIC
Language:
English
Pages:
230

Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Anthologies
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Business and Professional
Business » Personal Finance

Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like, Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar?
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Product details 230 pages Random House Incorporated - English 9780307345370 Reviews:
"Synopsis" by , The popular humorist offers a whimsical take on the world of money and finance, sharing his unique advice on the stock market, big business, the art of making and losing money, furniture in the CEO's office, getting rich in real estate, and the financial benefits of an early death. 150,000 first printing.
"Synopsis" by , Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:

• How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
• Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser
• How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
• Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate
• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
• Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
• How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
• And many, many pictures of Suze Orman

But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.


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