Rock and Roll Cage Match: Music's Greatest Rivalries, Decided

Music defines us. To return the favor, we’ll stick up with zealous passion for the performers and bands that we love . . . and heap aspersions and ridicule upon people who dare to place their allegiances above our own. In Rock and Roll Cage Match, today’s leading cultural critics, humorists, music journalists, and musicians themselves take sides in thirty of the all-time juiciest “who’s better” musical disputes.

Marc Spitz on the Smiths vs. the Cure: “If the Smiths are its James Dean, the Cure are the Marlon Brando of modern rock.”

Gideon Yago on Nirvana vs. Metallica: “Here is why Nirvana will always be a better band than Metallica. It’s not because they hit harder (they do). It’s not because they are tighter (they’re definitely not). . . . It’s because Metallica is fundamentally about respecting rules—of metal, of production, of technicality—and Nirvana is about breaking those rules down in the pursuit of innovation. Metallica was metal. Nirvana was something else.”

Touré on Michael Jackson vs. Prince: “[Prince] was the wild son of Jimi, the younger brother of Rick James and Richard Pryor, the ultrasexual black Casanova who told you up front that he had a dirty mind . . . Michael held the opposite appeal. His music was often about escaping through dance or being hopeful about the world, and he came across as super-innocent.”

Russ Meneve on Bruce Springsteen vs. Bon Jovi: “I really, truly mean it when I say, Mr. Springsteen, no disrespect . . . you are a legend. But in the Battle a da Jerz, when that thick chemical-waste smoke clears and the overly sprayed mall hair parts, the Jov man is the last man rockin’.”

Whitney Pastorek on Whitney Houston vs. Mariah Carey: “Frankly, dry recitations of figures are just too easily negated by simple things like, say, bringing up someone’s horrible taste in choosing movie roles. Watch, I’ll do it right now: Yes, Mariah has seventeen number one singles, and Whitney only eleven. But Whitney made The Bodyguard, which is basically a classic, and Mariah starred in Glitter, a colossal suckfest of crapitude that should disqualify her on the spot.”

Well-known music journalists, cultural critics, humorists, and musicians render their verdict on the legendary and soon-to-be legendary rivalries of rock.

Music defines us. To return the favor, we'll stick up with zealous passion for the performers and bands that we love . . . and heap aspersions and ridicule upon people who dare to place their allegiances above our own. In Rock and Roll Cage Match, t

SEAN MANNING is the editor of The Show I’ll Never Forget: 50 Writers Relive Their Most Memorable Concertgoing Experience. His writing has appeared in New York Press, The Brooklyn Rail, and BlackBook.

R.E.M. vs. U2 / Dan Kois — Phil Spector vs. Timbaland / Michaelangelo Matos — The Smiths vs. The Cure / Marc Spitz — Whitney Houston vs. Mariah Carey / Whitney Pastorek — The Rolling Stones vs. The Velvet Underground / Richard Hell — Jay-Z vs. Nas / Tom Breihan — Band Aid vs. USA for Africa / Dan LeRoy — Guided by Voices vs. Pavement / Elizabeth Goodman — Phil Collins vs. Sting / Sean Manning — Hall & Oates vs. Simon & Garfunkel / Michael Showalter — Blur vs. Oasis / Jim DeRogatis — Bernard Herrmann vs. Ennio Morricone / Dennis Lim — Led Zeppelin vs. Black Sabbath / Robert Lanham — ABBA vs. The Bee Gees / Katy St. Clair — The album vs. The single / Daphne Carr and Scott Gursky — Radiohead vs. Coldplay / Matt Diehl — Van Halen vs. Van Hagar / Mick Stingley — Patsy Cline vs. Kitty Wells / Laura Cantrell — Bob Dylan vs. Bob Marley / Vivien Goldman — Elton John vs. Billy Joel / The Harvard Lampoon — The Four Tops vs. The Temptations / Sean Howe — Trent Reznor vs. Marilyn Manson / Melissa Maerz — Bruce Springsteen vs. Bon Jovi / Russ Meneve — Parliament vs. Funkadelic / Ben Greenman — John Lennon vs. Paul McCartney / Joe Donnelly — Nirvana vs. Metallica / Gideon Yago — N.W.A. vs. Wu-Tang Clan / Jonah Weiner — Devo vs. Kraftwerk / Tom Reynolds — Britney Spears vs. Christina Aguilera / Sara Barron — Michael Jackson vs. Prince / Tour