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You're a Horrible Person, but I like You: The Believer Book of Adviceby The Believer
Synopses & Reviews
A selection of advice from You're a Horrible Person, But I Like You:
What do you think is the best way to tell my dad I'm a lesbian? I'm thinking he's already suspicious since I'm thirty-one and haven't yet brought a guy home.
I'll tell him. What's his number? Let me practice what I'm going to say to him. Hi, Mr. Alfonso? I'm Fred Armisen from Saturday Night Live on NBC. No, no, no. Hey Señor Alfonso Whatchoo' doin'? Slap me five No. Mr. Alfonso, this is an amazing, weird planet we live on. Look at that sky. Is there a name for such a beautiful color? Let's talk about your daughter. No. I'll figure it out. But again, his number, please.
I was wondering if you could give me some investment advice. I'm about to retire and I'm a little freaked.
I'm freaked for you. I'm so freaked I don't even have any jokes. I was trying to think of a kind of jokey answer and then I just felt like a horrible person and I deleted it. I am really scared for you. Seriously scared. You are in serious trouble. I hope you've been hoarding conflict diamonds and Cipro, because you are about to enter the s-h-i-t, the Heart of Darkness. Take everything you ever thought you knew about investing and do the exact opposite. The currency of the future will be heirloom seeds, so good luck with that one. Panic. Learn how to field dress a wild pig and distill your urine into potable water. Most importantly, if you take anything away from this response at all, just know that the best thing for you to do is to exercise a lot and stay really sinewy, so that when the cannibals come they will not want to eat you.
I should probably also mention that I just finished reading The Road. I don't know if that makes a difference at all.
Do you think turtles tell jokes? It seems like they could be really funny.
I think that turtles definitely do not tell jokes. They could still be funny I think, but it would be purely based on their appearance and the way that they move really slowly. But if we scrutinize further, we find that the humor ends there, and the sadness of the turtle's existence washes away all the jokes, culminating as the ultimate truth of the animal.
A friend recently gave
About The Believer magazine:
The Believer is a monthly magazine devoted to providing an amiable yet rigorous forum for books and book criticism. The magazine extends the ever-shortening shelf life of new books, revives interest in books long overlooked, and stresses the interconnectivity of books to pop culture, politics, art, and music. The magazine includes essays on these topics, as well as lengthy interviews with philosophers, politicians, poets, and ninjas. We offer our readers an eclectic range of articles and interview subjects to underscore our belief that books are an interactive and vital medium.
About the Editor:
Eric Spitznagel is a contributing editor for The Believer magazine, where he co-created (along with Amy Sedaris) the Sedaratives column. He's also the
A collection of irreverent essays by some of comedy's biggest names is comprised of satirical and politically incorrect advice, from Fred Armisen's tips on revealing one's sexual orientation to Zach Galifianakis's recommendations for imbibing after rehab. Original.
A compendium of advice from the producers, writers, and actors of The Office, Saturday Night Live, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Knocked Up, Flight of the Conchords, The Daily Show, Arrested Development, Reno 911!, and The Hangover along with other people who should really never give advice.
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