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Dave Barry Is Not Making This upby Dave Barry
Synopses & Reviews
Since Dave Barry writes about weird things, you might be tempted to think he has a weird brain. He does, of course, but that's not the whole explanation: A lot of the things he writes about — exploding Pop-Tarts, for example — are real. In fact, Dave's main job as a humor columnist — aside from playing Stealth Fighter on his computer to avoid writing humor columns — is to point out what is already funny in a world that isseriously bonkers.
In Dave's world, amazing but true adventures occur every day, as the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist investigates a ground-breaking anti-flatulence product recommended to him by ajustice of the U.S. Supreme Court; the ecologically dangerous shellfish attacking women's undergarments; and the epidemic of snakes and woodland creatures currently appearing in people's toilets. Dave's bad song contestrequired him to read thousands of entries from people like you; now, people like you could have the pleasure of being badgered all the bad songs that badger Dave.
Dave also participates in real-life formof investigative journalism that actually require him to leave the house: marching with the Lawn Rangers precision lawnmower drill team of Arcola, Illinois; playing lead guitar in an extremely mediocre rock band withStephen King and other literary lights; and taking his little boat Buster from its happy berth in the Barry garage onto Miami's high seas, only to run it aground. He's even appeared in an episode of Dave'sWorld, the CBS television show based on his real life — only taller — in which he bids for an air conditioner.
Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up includes longer feature pieces by Dave in whichmany of the featured facts happen to be accurate. Now you can read Dave Barry on UFO thrillseekers and the Elvis lovers who hang out at Graceland — all articles that show Dave at his best and smartest. Complete withillustrations by Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Jeff MacNelly, Dave Barry is Not Making This Up brings you straight into the truly twisted center of Dave's world.
On Buying His Son Sneakers: Thesalesperson's tone of voice carried the clear implication that he was going to call the Child Abuse Hotline if I didn't care enough, as a parent, to take out a second mortgage so I could purchase sufficient sneakerage formy son.... We need Congress to pass a law requiring the sneaker industry to return to the system we had when I was growing up, under which there was only one kind of sneakers, namely U.S. Keds, which were made from Armysurplus tents and which cost about $10, or roughly $1 per pound.
On Being Left-Handed: According to the researchers, left-handers die sooner than right-handers because they have more accidents. I knowwhy this is: We read books backward...This saves us a lot of time with murder mysteries, but it's a bad habit when we're reading, say, the instructions for operating a barbecue grill, and we begin with Step 147: Ignite Gas.
On The Uses Of Exploding Pop-Tarts: When we detected incoming missiles, we'd simply hold the toaster levers down via some method (possibly involving Tom and Roseanne Arnold) andwithin a few minutes Whoom the country would be surrounded by a protective wall of flames, and the missiles would either burn up or get knocked off course and detonate harmlessly in some place like NewJersey.
On Readers' Reaction To The Bad Song Contest: Sometimes th
You can't make this stuff up! Dave Barry would never lie--and here are the real life, laugh-out-loud stories from across America to prove it: a U.S. Supreme Court justice shares his remedy for preventing gas ("I had not realized that this was a matter of concern in the highest levels of government"); a newspaper headline in Ohio announces the combustibility of strawberry Pop-Tarts ("A story that can really help you gain a better understanding of how you can be killed by breakfast snack food"); the frightening fact that snakes have mastered the pipelines leading directly to your toilet--and they're not shy ("Many women might view this as a fair punishment for all the billions of times that guys have left the seat up").
So get up-close with Dave as he swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . so God help you!
About the Author
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist for the Miami Herald. He is the author of numerous bestsellers, including Dave Barry Turns 50 and the novel, Big Trouble. He lives in Miami, Florida.
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