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To My Assistant: Things I'll Never Do to You, But Many Other Crazy Bosses Willby Lydia Whitlock
Synopses & Reviews
From the Hollywood assistant trenches, a hilarious guide to surviving life at the bottom of the totem pole.
I will not make you sort my M&Ms by color.
I will not take off four hours in the middle of the day to go shopping and then announce upon my return that “it’s going to be a late one—we need to catch up!”
I will not request that you create and maintain my online dating profile.
Welcome to the wickedly funny world of To My Assistant, where overworked and underappreciated assistants finally get their due. We’ve all been there. You might even be there right now. Do you depend upon your college education to handle crucial business decisions such as memorizing your boss’ lunch order, trying to schedule four meetings where only one can go, and helping your boss detag Facebook photos? Or what about those awesome days when you’re instructed to “send me that thing from a week ago,” “call that guy I wanted to call,” or “book me a table at that restaurant that girl said was really good,” and are then berated when you’re not able to figure out immediately what your boss is talking about?
To My Assistant compiles everything that disgruntled and optimistic assistants everywhere promise NEVER TO DO when, one day, they have assistants of their own. From ridiculous requests and backhanded compliments to outright insults, and complete with helpful tips and tricks for Boss Wrangling—like what you can learn about your boss’s mood from his meal choices, how to navigate such professional minefields as requests for your opinion and interactions with your boss’s children and pets, and advanced translation techniques for incoherent e-mails and text messages—these pages are just what the underpaid masses need to survive (and laugh at) the daily injustices of life at the bottom of the totem pole.
A spinoff of the buzzworthy blog, a hilarious survival guide for weathering the daily injustices of life at the bottom of the totem pole.
Lydia Whitlock was an overworked, underappreciated Hollywood assistant when she started a blog to vent her frustrations. Now she's written the handbook every underling needs to maintain a sense of humor in the dysfunctional, awkward, and--yes--indispensable relationship between boss and assistant.
To My Assistant is a combination of Lydia's notes to her future assistant ("Let's both hope that I don't change too much between now and whenever it is I have enough wealth and importance to hire you"), practical advice (including glossary definitions of the normal-sounding phrases bosses use to subtly undermine and insult their assistants) and helpful charts and quizzes (like "My Meals and What They Mean For You" and "Reading My Facial Expressions for Your Own Good"). Fun, compulsively readable and laugh-out-loud funny, To My Assistant will resonate with anyone currently in the trenches of assistant life--or who has survived to tell the tale!
About the Author
LYDIA WHITLOCK graduated from Yale in 2008 with a degree in Film Studies, which has proven to be very useful to her in social situations in Silver Lake and Brooklyn, but nowhere else. She moved to L.A. with hopes of making it big in show business, bolstered by the belief that she was special, which can be blamed entirely on her parents. She is currently an assistant to a commercial director--a great boss who, without knowing it, follows all the rules of To My Assistant.
Table of Contents
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF
LIFE at the OFFICE
EVERY SINGLE DAY:
All the Little Things That Drive You Insane
The Only Pleasure Allowed at Work,
and Rarely at That
POLITICS AND PARANOIA:
How I Actually Spend Most of My Time
SUPPLIES AND EQUIPMENT:
They Will Alternately Save Your Life
and Ruin It
In Which You Tr y to Fit Five Things Where
Only One Can Go
Well, Usually Impatience
I’d Always Rather Be Checking Facebook
Than Doing My Job
WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS:
Technically, We Both Speak
Torture Device Number One
E-MAIL, INSTANT MESSAGING, AND TEXTING:
They Were Supposed to Make Life Easier, Right?
Had You Wanted to Spend This Much Time Pulling
Teeth, You’d Have Gone to Dental School
TRAVEL and TRANSPORTATION
Normal People Really Do Not Have
This Much Trouble with It
If I Ever Make It to an Outside Meeting
on Time, It’s by Accident
From Point A to Point B, Painfully
MAKING things PERSONAL
BASIC HUMAN DECENCY:
Not Ruining Your Entire Life,
Just Parts of It
MY PERSONAL LIFE:
Welcome to the World of
Too Much Information
YOUR PERSONAL LIFE:
If You’re Even Allowed
to Have One
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH:
Together Forever (at Least That’s
What It Feels Like)
OKAY, YOU CAN GO HOME NOW
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Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Business and Professional