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Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersexby Betty Dodson
Synopses & Reviews
The Myth of Foreplay
It's totally understandable why heterosexual men and women want to climax from penis/vagina sex-how convenient, how easy, and how wonderful to have partnersex be consistently and mutually orgasmic. However, if Romeo's firm penis moving sweetly inside Juliet's wet vagina provides orgasms for nearly every man and a mere handful of women, what are we going to do about the majority of women who cannot climax from vaginal penetration alone? We can broaden our definition of partnersex to include some form of direct stimulation of a woman's clitoris either manually or with a vibrator during heterosexual lovemaking.
Let's start with the concept of foreplay. Women's magazines as well as many sex books emphasize the importance of "foreplay" for couples. We are told that women want more of it and men don't do enough of it. It's been my observation that a little appetizer of kissing, breast fondling, and clitoral touching before the main course of penetration is seldom enough to satisfy the sexual appetite of most red-blooded women. Just as she is getting excited from some form of direct clitoral contact, he stops and penetrates her vagina. While he is enjoying his ideal erotic sensation with his penis moving inside her, she is now struggling to get a little indirect clitoral contact, which for most women can't compare to consistent clitoral stimulation all the way to orgasm.
Imagine a man being told he can rub his penis inside a woman's vagina as foreplay, but when it's time for his orgasm, she must be sitting on his face penetrating his mouth with her clitoris. This will give him a "mature oral orgasm." He must not reach down and touch his penis while she's fucking him in the mouth or she'll think her clitoris isn't big enough to provide his orgasm. To protect her female ego, he ends up faking orgasm, but he figures it's worth it to keep the peace. Later on he can masturbate in the bathroom, or if she's a sound sleeper, he can finish himself off in bed providing he can come while holding his breath and not moving so as not to wake her.
Instead of using the word "foreplay," we need to think of a new term to use, such as "sexplay." Most women desire clitoral pleasure in the beginning of, during, and sometimes even after partnersex, if she wants to come again.
As I enter the fourth decade of teaching women how to have orgasms, I've come to the conclusion that just as a man's penis gets consistent contact during penis/vagina sex, many women also want consistent clitoral contact throughout the entire act. Any man who is considerate will add direct clitoral stimulation with his fingers or a confident woman will stimulate her own clitoris with her hand, a little battery-operated vibrator, or an electric vibrator. Once the clitoris and the head of the penis are engaged, every thrust of his penis and contraction of her vaginal muscle becomes mutually pleasurable. They can share the ecstasy of orgasm during intercourse with few exceptions.
One of my basic principles for sharing mutual orgasms is: How we make love to ourselves is what we bring to partnersex. New designs for partnersex require a man who has learned ejaculatory control through the practice of masturbation and a woman who's learned her orgasmic response the same way. If he occasionally comes before she does or she feels like having a
Describes how the use of masterbation can enhance the sexual experiences of couples, including same-sex and bisexual partners.
There are many sex manuals on the shelves of bookstores. They offer advice on being sexier, on giving him what he really wants, on making her wild with desire. Most of them are about as substantive as a filmy piece of lingerie. What is missing is a down-to-earth, realistic, honest book.
Betty Dodson, Ph.D., is an international
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