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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)


How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) Cover


Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

The first and only full-color survival guide on how to prevent, prepare for, and ward off a home invasion by garden gnomes.

Move over zombies and adolescent vampires, there’s a new threat in town—and it’s about three feet tall. The common garden gnome, a deceptively benign lawn ornament, has been gathering momentum as a cultural icon —and suburban guerilla. Fortunately, Gnome Defense Expert (GDE) Chuck Sambuchino offers a proven three-step strategy (Assess, Protect, Defend, or APD) for safeguarding possessions, pets, and loved ones from a gnome home invasion. The book includes schematics for gnome-proofing your dwelling, instructions for confrontations at close range, correct gnomenclature, case histories of human vs. gnome clashes, and innovative ideas for rebuilding in the aftermath of a successful attack.

About the Author

CHUCK SAMBUCHINO is the editor of Guide to Literary Agents and Screenwriter’s & Playwright’s Market for Writer’s Digest Books. Formerly on staff at Writer’s Digest, he is an award-winning journalist and an online instructor for Writer’s Online Workshops.

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . 1

Part 1 Assess

1. Are You at Risk? . . . . . 7

2. Suspicious Activity . . . . . 11

3. Recognizing Communication . . . . . 21

Part 2 Protect

4. Passive Fortification—Area Denial . . . . . 31

5. Gnomeproofing Your Exterior—Access Denial . . . . . 39

6. Gnomeproofing Your Interior—Internal Defense . . . . . 47

Part 3 Defend

7. Ten Tips That Could Save Your Life . . . . . 59

8. Their Arsenal . . . . . 67

9. Your Arsenal . . . . . 73

Part 4 Apply

10. Mortal Combat . . . . . 87

11. Gnome Roam No More . . . . . 95

Acknowledgments . . . . . 106

Product Details

Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)
Ten Speed Press
Sambuchino, Chuck
Publication Date:

Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » General
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Parodies
History and Social Science » Sociology » General
Home and Garden » Gardening » Writing

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)
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Product details 112 pages Ten Speed Press - English 9781607741084 Reviews:
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