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I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman

by

I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman Cover

 

 

Excerpt

What I Wish Id Known

People have only one way to be.

Buy, dont rent.

Never marry a man you wouldnt want to be divorced

from.

Dont cover a couch with anything that isnt more or

less beige.

Dont buy anything that is 100 percent wool even if it

seems to be very soft and not particularly itchy when

you try it on in the store.

You cant be friends with people who call after 11 p.m.

Block everyone on your instant mail.

The worlds greatest babysitter burns out after two and

a half years.

You never know.

The last four years of psychoanalysis are a waste of

money.

The plane is not going to crash.

Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age

of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-

five.

At the age of fifty-five you will get a saggy roll just

above your waist even if you are painfully thin.

This saggy roll just above your waist will be especially

visible from the back and will force you to reevaluate

half the clothes in your closet, especially the white

shirts.

Write everything down.

Keep a journal.

Take more pictures.

The empty nest is underrated.

You can order more than one dessert.

You cant own too many black turtleneck sweaters.

If the shoe doesnt fit in the shoe store, its never going

to fit.

When your children are teenagers, its important to have

a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Back up your files.

Overinsure everything.

Whenever someone says the words “Our friendship is

more important than this,” watch out, because it almost

never is.

Theres no point in making piecrust from scratch.

The reason youre waking up in the middle of the night

is the second glass of wine.

The minute you decide to get divorced, go see a lawyer

and file the papers.

Overtip.

Never let them know.

If only one third of your clothes are mistakes, youre

ahead of the game.

If friends ask you to be their childs guardian in case

they die in a plane crash, you can say no.

There are no secrets.

From the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

ISBN:
9780739369937
Author:
Ephron, Nora
Publisher:
Random House Audio Publishing Group
Subject:
Form - Essays
Subject:
Aging
Subject:
Women's Studies - General
Subject:
Essays
Subject:
Humor-Anthologies
Edition Description:
Three CD
Publication Date:
20080431
Binding:
COMPACT DISC
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Dimensions:
5.9 x 5 x 0.5 in 0.2688 lb
Media Run Time:
240

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Anthologies
Audio Books » Nonfiction
Health and Self-Help » Health and Medicine » Aging
History and Social Science » Gender Studies » Womens Studies

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