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The Miserable Mill (A Series of Unfortunate Events #4)

by

The Miserable Mill (A Series of Unfortunate Events #4) Cover

 

 

Excerpt

Chapter One

Sometime during your life?in fact, very soon?you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book?s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains. For instance, a book that began with the sentence "Once upon a time there was a family of cunning little chipmunks who lived in a hollow tree" would probably contain a story full of talking animals who get into all sorts of mischief. A book that began with the sentence "Emily sat down and looked at the stack of blueberry pancakes her mother had prepared for her, but she was too nervous about Camp Timbertops to eat a bite" would probably contain a story full of giggly girls who have a grand old time. And a book that began with the sentence "Gary smelled the leather of his brand-new catcher?s mitt and waited impatiently for his best friend Larry to come around the corner" would probably contain a story full of sweaty boys who win some sort of trophy. And if you liked mischief, a grand old time, or trophies, you would know which book to read, and you could throw the rest of them away.

But this book begins with the sentence "The Baudelaire orphans looked out the grimy window of the train and gazed at the gloomy blackness of the Finite Forest, wondering if their lives would ever get any better," and you should be able to tell that the story that follows will be very different from the story of Gary or Emily or the family of cunning little chipmunks. And this is for the simple reason that the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are very different from most people?s lives, with the main difference being the amount of unhappiness, horror, and despair. The three children have no time to get into all sorts of mischief, because misery follows them wherever they go. They have not had a grand old time since their parents died in a terrible fire. And the only trophy they would win would be some sort of First Prize for Wretchedness. It is atrociously unfair, of course, that the Baudelaires have so many troubles, but that is the way the story goes. So now that I?ve told you that the first sentence will be "The Baudelaire orphans looked out the grimy window of the train and gazed at the gloomy blackness of the Finite Forest, wondering if their lives would ever get any better," if you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down.

The Baudelaire orphans looked out the grimy window of the train and gazed at the gloomy blackness of the Finite Forest, wondering if their lives would ever get any better. An announcement over a crackly loudspeaker had just told them that in a few minutes they would arrive in the town of Paltryville, where their new caretaker lived, and they couldn?t help wondering who in the world would want to live in such dark and eerie countryside. Violet, who was fourteen and the eldest Baudelaire, looked out at the trees of the forest, which were very tall and had practically no branches, so they looked almost like metal pipes instead of trees. Violet was an inventor, and was always designing machines and devices in her head, with her hair tied up in a ribbon to help her think, and as she gazed out at the trees she began work on a mechanism that would allow you to climb to the top of any tree, even if it were completely bare. Klaus, who was twelve, looked down at the forest floor, which was covered in brown, patchy moss. Klaus liked to read more than anything else, and he tried to remember what he had read about Paltryville mosses and whether any of them were edible. And Sunny, who was just an infant, looked out at the smoky gray sky that hung over the forest like a damp sweater. Sunny had four sharp teeth, and biting things with them was what interested her most, and she was eager to see what there was available to bite in the area. But even as Violet began planning her invention, and Klaus thought of his moss research, and Sunny opened and closed her mouth as a prebiting exercise, the Finite Forest looked so uninspiring that they couldn?t help wondering if their new home would really be a pleasant one.

"What a lovely forest!" Mr. Poe remarked, and coughed into a white handkerchief. Mr. Poe was a banker who had been in charge of managing the Baudelaire affairs since the fire, and I must tell you that he was not doing a very good job. His two main duties were finding the orphans a good home and protecting the enormous fortune that the children?s parents had left behind, and so far each home had been a catastrophe, a word which here means "an utter disaster involving tragedy, deception, and Count Olaf." Count Olaf was a terrible man who wanted the Baudelaire fortune for himself, and tried every disgusting scheme he could think of to steal it. Time after time he had come very close to succeeding, and time after time the Baudelaire orphans had revealed his plan, and time after time he had escaped?and all Mr. Poe had ever done was cough. Now he was accompanying the children to Paltryville, and it pains me to tell you that once again Count Olaf would appear with yet another disgusting scheme, and that Mr. Poe would once again fail to do anything even remotely helpful. "What a lovely forest!" Mr. Poe said again, when he was done coughing. "I think you children will have a good home here. I hope you do, anyway, because I?ve just received a promotion at Mulctuary Money Management. I?m now the Vice President in Charge of Coins, and from now on I will be busier than ever. If anything goes wrong with you here, I will have to send you to boarding school until I have time to find you another home, so please be on your best behavior."

"Of course, Mr. Poe," Violet said, not adding that she and her siblings had always been on their best behavior but that it hadn?t done them any good.

What Our Readers Are Saying

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Average customer rating based on 3 comments:

isaiahmford, August 30, 2013 (view all comments by isaiahmford)
In this book, it tells about the Baudelaire orphans time working in the lumber mill. I think this book was the best book in the Series of Unfortunate Events series. Lemony Snicket is so clever, I think Count Olaf dressing up like a girl was his best idea, it was so funny! These books will always be my favorite series.
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Isaiah, January 8, 2013 (view all comments by Isaiah)
This is my favorite book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events books! I love this one because its so interesting. I love how he described the town. I also thought it was funny how the boss paid them with bubblegum! This series is my favorite book series.
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pall_junior, December 12, 2006 (view all comments by pall_junior)
One of the best books I have read so far. The layout and the unfortunate events were the best. Hypnotism was, I think, one of Lemony Snicket's best idea.
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(8 of 14 readers found this comment helpful)
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Product Details

ISBN:
9780064407694
Author:
Snicket, Lemony
Publisher:
HarperCollins
Illustrator:
Helquist, Brett
Author:
Helquist, Brett
Author:
Kupperman, Michael
Location:
New York, N.Y.
Subject:
Fiction
Subject:
Action & Adventure
Subject:
Children's 9-12 - Fiction - General
Subject:
Humorous Stories
Subject:
Adventure and adventurers
Subject:
Brothers and sisters
Subject:
Family - Orphans & Foster Homes
Subject:
Orphans
Subject:
Curiosities and wonders
Subject:
Action & Adventure - General
Subject:
Children s-Adventure Stories
Edition Number:
1st ed.
Edition Description:
Hardcover
Series:
Series of Unfortunate Events Hardcover
Series Volume:
04
Publication Date:
20000405
Binding:
Hardback
Grade Level:
from 5
Language:
English
Illustrations:
Y
Pages:
208
Dimensions:
7.44x5.20x.82 in. .61 lbs.
Age Level:
09-12

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Related Subjects


Children's » Action and Adventure » Adventure Stories
Children's » General
Children's » Humor
Children's » Middle Readers » General
Children's » Sale Books
Children's » Series » General

The Miserable Mill (A Series of Unfortunate Events #4) Used Hardcover
0 stars - 0 reviews
$12.99 In Stock
Product details 208 pages HarperCollins - English 9780064407694 Reviews:
"Review" by , "The story is deliciously mock-Victorian and self-mockingly melodramatic. Helquist's deft pencil drawings and the author's many asides to the reader underscore the droll humor, which many children will relish. Another plum for the orphans' fans."
"Review" by , "This fourth book in the series about the Baudelaire orphans works fine as a stand-alone....This is for readers who appreciate this particular type of humor; it exaggerates the sour and makes anyone's real life seem sweet in comparison."
"Review" by , "The pseudonymous Snicket returns in fine fettle....It remains...irrelevant what gloom and doom actually descends upon these children while Snicket is the omniscient narrator in charge. His marvelous asides and play on words are what enliven these Victorian-style satires. It's unclear how many actual children there are out there who can follow Snicket's verbal swoops, but he's a joy to the literate adult."
"Synopsis" by , As Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire look out the grimy window of the train taking them to The Lucky Smells Lumber Mill to live, they can't help but wonder what lies ahead. Will misfortune lurk behind every log? Though these children are clever, resilient, and good-looking, everything that could possibly go wrong for them, unfortunately, usually does. In this fourth book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, I'm sorry to say, the children will encounter a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a ghastly accident, and coupons.

From the tradition of classic tales for children, where terrible things always seem to befall orphans, comes this exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. This latest installment in Lemony Snicket's uproariously unhappy series may just be the worst yet.

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