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3 Beaverton Cooking and Food- Poultry
2 Burnside Cooking and Food- Poultry
2 Burnside Cooking and Food- Oddities
25 Local Warehouse Humor- Parodies
25 Remote Warehouse Cooking and Food- Poultry

Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook


Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook Cover




Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”


   “No,” I squawk hoarsely.

   “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”

   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”

   “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”

   I know what his hard cooking is like.

   “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.

   “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.

   My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.

   Give me a B!


   Give me an L!


   Give me an A!


   Give me a D! E! S! 

   Whack whack whack.

   What does that spell?

   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.

   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. 

   “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”

   Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.

   I must remember to cluck at him more often.


Mustard Spanked Chicken

roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic  


Serves 4

1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels

1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

2 teaspoons minced fresh basil

2 garlic cloves, minced

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil


1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper.

2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and garlic and slap it hard onto the bird everywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it can recover.

3. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack in a roasting pan.

4. Carefully lay the bird on the rack, breast down. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast for 30 minutes. Thrust a wooden spoon into the chicken cavity and flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with remaining oil. Continue to roast until the bird is golden brown and quite done, about 30 to 40 minutes longer. Enjoy.






   The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? 

   He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up into a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!

   He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?


Dripping Thighs

roasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions  


Serves 4

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels

2 garlic cloves, finely chopped

1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 sweet onion, thinly sliced

1 cup white wine

1 bay leaf

1 cinnamon stick

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 tablespoon honey


1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together.

2. In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter.

3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes.

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Average customer rating based on 1 comment:

WongKaiWen, December 23, 2012 (view all comments by WongKaiWen)
Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook opens with the genius dedication, "For chicken lovers everywhere," and just gets lewder from there. In addition to being a parody of "Fifty Shades of Grey"-style erotica written from the perspective of a young hen, "Fifty Shades of Chicken" is also a lavishly illustrated cookbook in its own right. With titles like "Plain Vanilla Chicken" and "Steamy White Meat," the recipes are what makes this book more than a one-note joke or gag gift (pun intended). If only more cookbooks were this profane.
Was this comment helpful? | Yes | No

Product Details

A Parody in a Cookbook
Fowler, F.L.
Reage, Pouline
Clarkson Potter Publishers
HUMOR / Parodies
Publication Date:
9.28 x 7.26 x 0.67 in 1.24 lb

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » General
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Parodies
Children's » General
Cooking and Food » By Ingredient » Meats » Poultry
Cooking and Food » General
Cooking and Food » Oddities
Cooking and Food » Regional and Ethnic » Japanese
Featured Titles » General
Featured Titles » Humor
Featured Titles » New Arrivals
Pets » General

Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook Used Hardcover
0 stars - 0 reviews
$19.99 In Stock
Product details 160 pages Clarkson Potter Publishers - English 9780385345224 Reviews:
"Review" by , “[I]t will undoubtedly become one of America's most cherished cookbooks of all time.”
"Review" by , “Like any good parody, this manages to make fun of both the flabby porn of 'Fifty Shades' and the gushing language of 'food porn.'”
"Review" by , “[T]his genius little tidbit that combines the sexual and the culinary.”
"Review" by , “All signs indicate that Fifty Shades of Chicken, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, is the real deal. We can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site.”
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