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You Don't Really Know Me: Why Mothers and Daughters Fight, and How Both Can Winby Terri Apter
"[T]he culture documented in this freshly written and accessible book differs hugely not just from that of Early Modern Europe but also from that of urban America in the 1950s....As an old-fashioned English mother and grandmother of girls, I much enjoyed reading You Don't Really Know Me. But I remain sceptical about the efficacy of wall-to-wall self-administered therapy." Katherine Duncan-Jones, The Times Literary Supplement (read the entire Times Literary Supplement review)
Synopses & Reviews
Mothers and teenage daughters argue more than any other child-parent pair — on average every two-and-a-half days. These quarrels, Terri Apter shows, are attempts to negotiate changes in a relationship that is valued by both mothers and daughters. A daughter often feels her mother doesn't know or understand her, and by fighting hopes to force her mother into a new awareness of who she really is, how she has changed, and what she is now capable of doing and understanding. But mothers often misinterpret their daughter's outbursts as signs of rejection, and they may pull back feeling hurt and confused. Through case studies and conversations between mothers and daughters, Apter shows mothers how to interpret the meanings behind a daughter's angry words and how to emerge from arguments with a new closeness.
"Apter is the best of guides to mother/daughter relationships...[takes] a fresh new look at the familiar quarrels that erupt." Carol Gilligan
"Mothers of teenage and even pre-teen daughters simply must read Terri Apter's immensely helpful new book." Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis
"Essential reading for mothers caught in the bewildering complexity of life with an adolescent daughter." Baroness Pauline Perry, author of The Womb in Which I Lay
"This is a solid addition to the teen parenting genre, although the book's heavy reliance on narrative prose, and not bulleted points, will target readers with more time on their hands." Publishers Weekly
Through case studies and conversations between mothers and daughters, Apter shows mothers how to interpret the meanings behind a daughter's angry words and how to emerge from arguments with a new closeness.
About the Author
Terri Apter, a social psychologist, is the award-winning author of seven books. She teaches at the University of Cambridge, England, where she lives with her husband and daughters.
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