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Original Essays | September 4, 2014

Edward E. Baptist: IMG The Two Bodies of The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery and the Making of American Capitalism

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1 Burnside Diet- Weight Loss Surgery

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Never Goin' Back: Winning the Weight-Loss Battle for Good


Never Goin' Back: Winning the Weight-Loss Battle for Good Cover




July 2001

My father had been at Memorial Sloan-Kettering hospital in New York City for about a

week, battling his final stages of lung cancer. Although he had been a smoker early in his

life, he had given up cigarettes cold turkey some thirty-five years prior to his cancer

diagnosis. So when he was told that he had stage four lung cancer, I wasnt emotionally

prepared. Our entire family was shaken up and took his diagnosis very hard.

Al Roker Sr. was the rock of our family. Even though he was a talented artist, in the

mid-1950s, it was difficult for a young African-American male to get a job in the

commercial art industry. After a short stint at a low-paying apprentice job with no chance

for advancement, with a young wife and a new baby to feed, Dad got a job driving a New

York city bus.

He would do that for almost twenty years, always looking for the next step up.

Eventually he made dispatcher, then chief dispatcher, and then he was promoted up and into

management with the Metropolitan Transit Authority, reaching the rank of Inspector.

We were all so proud of him. His drive and determination rubbed off on his children. We

would strive to make him and our mother as proud of us as we were of them.

When he retired, he was excited and determined to enjoy life. My dad found pleasure in

being with his wife and his grandchildren, and in his lifelong hobby of deep-sea fishing.

He cultivated a newfound love of jazz, started a mentoring program for middle schoolers at

a local public school and walked with a group of fellow retirees at the local mall.

But all of that was now behind him. His entire future had now collapsed into being

measured by weeks, if not days.

Every day I made it a point to stop in, first thing in the morning, before heading to

the studio to do the Today show. Wed visit, and then about six twenty a.m., Id

head on to Studio 1-A in Rockefeller Plaza, where the show goes live at seven a.m. On my

way home in the afternoon, Id head straight back to the hospital to spend more time with

him—time, something I had all but taken for granted until my father got sick.


Why hadnt I gone fishing with him more than a handful of times, and why didnt I come

by the house more often? I always thought I would have plenty of time.

My father was always healthy as a horse. Mom was the one who had beaten lung cancer and

breast cancer and survived two heart valve replacements! Dad almost never got sick. Now he

was dying and I had just about run out of time with the man I cherished most in life.

There was nowhere near enough time.

“Son,” my dad said one day, “Id do anything for more time. I wanted to make fifty

years of marriage with your mom so, yeah, Im pissed about that.”

It was kind of funny, actually. My father always liked things well-ordered and tidy. He

was sixty-nine years old and had been married forty-nine years. To him, seventy and fifty

felt neater—more complete.

I knew my dad was going to die. There was no hope that he could possibly recover. I did

my best to hold myself together until one morning I simply couldnt hide my grief about

losing him. I started crying, and being the incredible father he was, he comforted me.

He said he was proud of the life he had lived—that hed had a good run. He told me he

was proud of his children and he loved his grandchildren more than life itself. Hearing my

father speak that way was simply more than I could bear; it was all so final. My tears

kept coming. I could tell that my father had something important he wanted to say.

“Look, we both know that Im not going to be here to help you raise my grandkids, so

that means it is up to you to make sure you will be there for your kids.”

I could feel my heart begin beating faster with every word he uttered because I knew

what he was driving at. My father and I had been around the horn too many times to count

on the subject of my weight and overall health. For whatever reason, no matter how many

times I said Id lose the weight, I couldnt—or wouldnt, or did only to gain it back


“Promise me that you are going to lose the weight.”

I tried to play it off like it was no big deal. “Who, me? Im fine! Dont worry about

me, Dad.”

I could tell he was really struggling to get the words out now. “No, not good enough. I

want you to swear to God that youre going to lose the weight.”

I realized there was really only one respectable thing to do—promise him I would lose

the weight.


Now, I dont know if youve ever had to make a deathbed promise to someone you love,

but if you have, you know the kind of guilt and massive responsibility I felt in that

moment. And if you havent, let me assure you, it was heavy—heavier than me, and I was

damn big. I couldnt say a word. It wasnt that I didnt want to, because I did, but I was

hesitant. Nothing I could say would mean all that; I had said it all before, without ever

doing the work to permanently change my mind-set and lose the weight for good.

So, I promised him I would lose the weight. Still, that wasnt good enough for him. He

wanted me to swear to God that I was going to lose the weight—and so I did.

“Dad, I swear to God I am going to lose this weight.”

“I am going to hold you to that son. You dont want to make me angry.”

Trust me, I didnt want to get him angry.

I remember when I was twelve years old and my folks had gotten me a brand-new Sting-Ray

bicycle for my birthday. It had a banana seat and a metallic blue paint job. I loved that


Well, one Saturday afternoon, some young thugs from outside our neighborhood came

cruising through. They surrounded me, punched me a few times, knocked me off the bike and

took it. My pride was hurt more than anything else, but when I got home and told my dad

what happened, I saw a look come over him that I had never seen. “Get in the car. Lets go

look for your bike,” he said through clenched teeth. He got behind the wheel and I got in

on the passengers side and we went looking for these guys and my bike.

After around fifteen minutes of driving around, I noticed a dishtowel wrapped around

something sitting on the seat between the two of us. I unwrapped an edge of the towel and

saw a steak knife! Dad was going to find that bike and was prepared to fight anyone

who got in his way. Thats who my dad was. We never actually found the bike but I

discovered I loved my father that day even more than I knew because of his willingness to

protect who and what he loved.

He was also the same man who cried when he deposited his firstborn son at the dorm on

my first day of college. Everything he was made me who I am.

And now that was all about to go away.

So on the morning I made that promise to my dad, I left the hospital thinking about

what he had said—a lot. I dont usually get distracted when I am on the air, but his words

echoed in my mind the entire show. I was so upset about my promise to lose weight, in

fact, that I had two grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches for lunch. My mantra at the time

was “When in doubt, eat.”

When I returned to the hospital that afternoon, Dad was out of his bed, sitting up in a


“Hey, old man, how you doing?” I said, but there was no response. He was just looking

off into space. One of the nurses came in and told me hed suddenly stopped talking

earlier that day.

“Why?” I asked. The nurse said she would get one of his doctors to explain what was

going on. You know its always bad news when someone says they want to get someone else to

explain things to you. In other words: “Here comes bad news and they dont pay me enough

to put up with the grief you will probably give me!”

When the doctor arrived, he said that my dads cancer had spread to his brain. It was

affecting his ability to speak and would likely impair his motor functions very soon.

As I helped the doctor and the nurse transfer my father back into bed, he lost control

of his bowels. He couldnt say anything, but the look on his face was heartbreaking. My

father, the strongest man I knew, both physically and emotionally, was leaving. And there

was nothing I could do about it.

A couple of weeks earlier, planning for this moment, my family had made the decision to

move dad, when the time came, to Calvary Hospital in the Bronx. It is the world leader in

palliative care, run by the Archdiocese of New York.

Two days later we transferred him to Calvary, where angels do heavens work on earth

and where he would spend his final days. My brother and sisters all came to say good-bye

to their father. Our spouses sat by his bed. His grandchildren were there. And we all

hugged and held my mother as she watched her husband slip away.

That week was a blur, but I can tell you just about the entire menu at the Calvary

cafeteria. I was aware that I was using food to ease the pain, but I didnt care. As we

all kept vigil by my dads side, I kept thinking about the promise I had made to him and

wondering, “How the hell am I going to do this?”

Chapter One

A Portly Kid from Queens

I was born in Queens, New York, in 1954. I am the oldest of six kids, three boys and

three girls. Three of us are the biological children of my parents and three were adopted

through foster care. I am one of the biological kids, along with a sister whos six years

younger and a “baby” brother, who is seventeen years younger than me. Although I was a

premature baby, weighing in at four pounds, ten ounces, at a certain point very early in

my life, I just started eating and never stopped. I suppose my family heritage added to my

genetic lot in life. Both of my parents came from families who loved to eat. My mom,

Isabel, also known as “Izzy,” was Jamaican, and my dad was from the Bahamas. Dad looked

like a young Sidney Poitier, who happened to be from Exuma, the same island in the Bahamas

where my fathers family was from. When my dad was younger, people often did a double take

when they saw him driving his white Plymouth Valiant station wagon—the same car Sidney

Poitier drove in Lilies of the Field.

My parents met at John Adams High School in Queens. My mother was one of the first

African-American cheerleaders at the school—at the time, a very big deal. She must have

loved being a cheerleader because I grew up hearing a constant chant of “Rickity, rackity,

shanty town. Who can knock John Adams down? Nobody. Nobody. Absolutely nobody! Yeah,

team!” Honestly, I cant believe I still remember her saying that, but I do!

My dad was an affable guy and a really sharp dresser. He was a very good storyteller

who enjoyed sharing tales from his younger days. Turns out, my dad was a stone-cold thug!

He had friends with names like Deadeye and Jelly Roll. He had a walking stick that had a

knife in it.

Yeah, growing up, he was a tough guy. But by the time his children came along, he was a

short, stocky teddy bear. (I like to say I come from stocky people, low to the ground,

with one leg shorter than the other, the better to lean into the wind and survive

hurricanes.) Of my parents, Dad was definitely the gentler one. If you fell and skinned a

knee, you went right to Dad. Hed comfort you and give you a big bear hug, whereas Mom was

more likely to tell us to stop crying. Her approach was the early version of “man up.”

You might say Izzy was the original Tiger Mom. She was tough as nails and,

unlike a lot of women of her generation, she enjoyed confrontation. To her, it was sport.

I knew I was loved by her, but she knew exactly how to needle me, and what drove me crazy.

Whenever shed come to my house for dinner, just as I was serving the meal, shed ask,

“Is this any good?”

“No, I just spent an hour making you something that tastes like crap!” Id respond.

Mom loved to banter and was a real jokester. She was also honest to a fault and didnt

believe in coddling. She taught my younger daughter, Leila, to play checkers as a kid.

Most grandparents let the kids win—but not my mom. No way. To her, losing is how you

learn. And now I call Leila “little Izzy” because she is so much like my mom. I once

overheard her playing Monopoly with some of her friends. She wiped the board. Then one of

her friends asked, “Whered you learn how to play Monopoly?”

“My nana,” Leila said with great pride. I couldnt help but smile.

I was what you might call a late bloomer. As hard as this might be to believe today, I

didnt talk until I was three and a half years old. Of course, as a family friend pointed

out later, I could never get a word in edgewise anyway! My mom did all the talking for me.

She was like my PR agent.

Although I was born premature, I think my lack of development was a combination of

being extremely shy—something I never really outgrew and what today might be labeled as a

learning disorder. And I might have had one. The only thing I had no problems learning was

eating. Well, maybe I had one issue I didnt learn, and that was when to stop.

Although my siblings and I have the same father, he was really two different guys over

the years. My dad drove a bus and was a blue-collar worker. He hustled every day to

provide for his family. When I was a young boy, he and a couple of buddies from NYC

Transit, as it was then known, opened up a luncheonette in the depot. They made and sold

sandwiches in addition to working their regular shifts. My dad was the kind of man who did

whatever it took to make sure his family had everything we needed. In a Caribbean family,

if you only had two jobs, you were obviously slacking off.

But the drivers all had their rackets going to supplement their incomes. For

example, there was always someone selling hot merchandise—you know, things they claimed

fell off the back of a truck somewhere. In fact, I bought my first movie camera, which

sparked my initial interest in animation and television, from one of the guys at the


Unlike a lot of men from that era, my father was very demonstrative; he was a big

hugger and kisser. When I saw my uncles and cousins, my impulse was to greet them with a

bear hug and a kiss, while they usually held out their hands waiting for a handshake.

There was a lot of PDA in my parents household. And I remember coming home from college

to find my mother in the kitchen doing dishes.

“How would you feel about another brother or sister?” she asked.

“Are you going to adopt again?”


“Oh, then were taking in another foster kid?”

“No . . .” she replied, and then paused.

Not adopting. No foster kid. . . . Oh for the love of . . . I didnt want to think

about that! Theyre my parents, for Petes sake!

Mom always wanted a big family. She was the second youngest of nine kids, so a big

family is all she knew. After she had me and my sister, she had trouble getting pregnant,

so she and my dad decided to adopt and open their home to numerous foster children over

the years. While sometimes people refer to foster or adopted children as half brothers and

half sisters, to me they are my siblings. Needless to say, it came as something of a

surprise when she got pregnant seventeen years after having me.

By the time my baby brother was born, Dad had transitioned from blue-collar worker to

white-collar executive. He had been promoted and was working in management for the New

York Transit Authority. He had an office and a secretary and wore a suit to work every

day. I always maintain that I had the more fun dad because I got to do more than my kid

brother. When my brother went to work with “executive” dad, he got to play with the Xerox

machines. When I went to work with “bus driver” dad, I got to play with change machines,

pretend to steer the bus and hang with the guys in the depot. Those were some of my

favorite days as a kid.

Wed start the day off by going to Goodys for breakfast. Goodys was a luncheonette

near where we lived in Rockaway. He always ordered a bacon and egg sandwich on a hard

roll. Wanting to be just like him, Id do the same. We took our breakfast with us and ate

it on the way to the depot.

The NYC Transit Authority Fifth Avenue Depot was a combination of train yard and bus

garage. To a seven-year-old boy, it was a magical combination. At the start of his shift,

Dad would take me into the locker room where hed change into his uniform. When other bus

drivers opened their lockers, GREAT LAND OF PLENTY . . . Playboy pinups!! Dont

change into that uniform too quickly, Pop.

After boarding his bus, wed stop at the corner deli. Hed buy me a stack of comic

books and a bag of candy to keep me occupied.

I loved playing with the change machines on the buses—remember, this was at a time,

looong before MetroCards, when drivers actually made change for passengers. Id ride on

the bus with him for the entire eight-hour shift all along Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn.

Id see the same people going to work and then coming home at the end of the day.

Somewhere around noon, we took our lunch break, and ate whatever my mom packed for us in

the two brown paper bags she sent us out the door with early that morning. When we went

back to the depot at the end of his shift, there was always a driver tossing a quarter my

way so I could buy a candy bar from the vending machine or get an ice cream. “Hey, little

Al, here ya go! Go buy something to eat!” Sometimes Id just get a Yoo-hoo chocolate milk

and throw it back at the end of the day like a tall, cold beer.

Because there were six kids, the vibe in my parents home was mostly controlled chaos.

I have no idea how my mother handled six kids without any help. I have three kids and lots

of help and sometimes my wife and I still have a hard time doing it all! Whenever I

asked Mom what her secret was, she always said, “You kids took care of yourselves.” I

suppose fear was our great motivator because I, for one, never wanted to be on the

receiving end of dads spankings. It was a different era, but I knew Id get my butt

whupped good if I got out of line or didnt do what I was told. Back then, if someone in

the neighborhood saw me do something—anything I shouldnt be doing, theyd discipline me

first and then tell my parents. Oh yeah, it takes a village, and back in the Rockaway

projects of Queens, New York, our fifth floor apartment was in the heart of that village.

As our family grew, my parents needed more space than our old two-bedroom apartment, so

when I was eleven, they bought a three-bedroom house in a new development we found during

one of our weekend family drives to Elmont, Long Island to visit Gouz Dairy Farm. (Their

slogan? GOUZ RHYMES WITH COWS. Okay, it wasnt Mad Men, but hey, Ive remembered it

all these years!) We loved going to Gouz. Theres nothing like the taste of fresh milk

straight from the farm. But the best part was their petting zoo. All the parents would

drop their kids off to look at the cows, rabbits and chickens while they went to get fresh

milk from the dairy counter. And did I mention the limitless free samples of full-fat

chocolate milk? Gouz was a magical place for a growing boy with a growing waistline.

Anyway, wed usually take the Belt Parkway to get to Long Island, but one day the

parkway was so backed up that my dad got off to take a short cut. Thats when he spotted

the development of semiattached homes. We stopped to look at the model home and it was

love at first sight. My folks scraped together two hundred dollars for a down payment on

the spot, and six months later, we all moved in. Even though both of my parents are gone,

I still own that house. Whenever my kids go back to look at the house, they cant believe

that eight of us fit into three rooms and a single bath! I always joke with my kids and

tell them that in order to use the bathroom, we had to take a number like we were at a

deli counter waiting to place an order.

Although my parents had a lot of mouths to feed. I never went hungry; I just didnt go

back for second or third helpings very often. We always made sure that everyone had a fair

portion of whatever Mom made to eat. Moms cooking was hearty—another word for “heavy”—so

it was filling and fattening. She was a good cook . . . though breakfast really

wasnt her strong suit—you know, the oatmeal was always a little too thick and her

pancakes were never “light and fluffy.” We ate a lot of cereal! Unfortunately, my dad

wouldnt buy the brands of cereals I really wanted as a boy, which was pretty much

anything with loads of sugar—Sugar Pops, Frosted Flakes and Sugar Smacks. At least the

cereal makers were up-front about their products back then—they may as well have put “Yup,

you are pouring sugar” on every box!

My dads philosophy was one box of corn flakes fits all.

You want Frosted Flakes?

Pour some sugar on those Kelloggs Corn Flakes and voilà! Youve got your own frosted


Oh yeah? Well, this cereal box doesnt have a tiger on it. Just some freaky-looking

rooster. Wheres Tony the Tiger? I loved Tony the Tiger. I thought he was so cool,

especially when I watched my morning cartoons and saw him riding in a car with Huckleberry

Hound. It didnt get any cooler than that. Neither Sugar Bear nor Snap, Crackle and Pop

had a thing on Tony the Tiger! He was. . . .GRRRRREAT!!!!!

When it came to lunch and dinner, mom never made anything fancy, but her food was

always good. She made a great Velveeta and tomato grilled cheese with Campbells tomato

soup. I dont know anyone who didnt grow up eating that grilled cheese and tomato

soup combination, but something about my moms version was special—at least to me.

Lunch also brought the first convergence of food and my eventual career, via Soupy

Sales, a comedian I grew up watching on TV. He had a kids show on at noon on ABC. There

was a segment called “Whats for Lunch?”

“Mom, Soupy is having a tuna patty melt . . .” Id shout across the kitchen so my mom

would make me one, too. Since this was before I started kindergarten, I had a standing

lunch date every day with Soupy. Id eat my lunch glued to his show, wondering what it

would be like to be just like him someday.

I gained an early interest in cooking from both of my parents, but my mom was my true

inspiration. Whenever she was cooking, I liked helping her out. I enjoyed the process of

gathering the food and ingredients, putting it all together and voilà! Like magic there

was a delicious meal on the table. The meals in our house were never fancy but they were

always delicious.

Sundays were either a pot roast with potatoes or a roasted chicken with green beans. On

occasion, Mom might make pork chops or oxtail stew with dumplings. As Ive gotten older, I

thought about those meals many times over the years, trying to recall the tastes and

flavors I enjoyed so much as a kid. I really loved my mothers cooking. To this day I

still crave her macaroni and cheese, her Jamaican black-eyed peas and rice and her amazing

corn bread.

It was an unwritten rule in our house to never bother her while she was cooking. The

only exception was when she was making her Sweet Potato Poon for the holidays. This was a

crustless pie—well, more like a soufflé than a traditional pie—with marshmallows all over

the top, which she would finish by putting in the oven to brown. Every year, one of us

kids would do something to distract her from opening the oven door so that the

marshmallows would catch fire. Then she would yell at us to get out as the smoke detector

blared overhead. It wasnt Thanksgiving until that old smoke detector went off.

I am amazed to think she created our huge holiday feasts in our tiny kitchen, using a

single oven and a four-burner stove. Thanksgiving brought fourteen or sixteen people into

our home. Wed put every leaf in our expandable wooden dining room table, and wed still

need a card table for the extra people who just stopped by.

When it came to food, my mother and I were perfectly simpatico. She used it as a reward

and I liked to eat. My rewards ranged from a bag of M&Ms to smoked salmon with cream

cheese. I didnt have a particularly sophisticated or discriminating palate back then. In

fact, one of my favorite snacks was sliced bananas with sour cream, sprinkled with sugar

and cinnamon on top.

By the time I was seven or eight years old, Id gone from being a solid boy to a pretty

chubby kid. It seemed as though all of the sudden I was shopping in the husky boys

section of the local department store.


Like I was going to be strapped to a dog sled and forced to run the Iditarod.

When I first started gaining weight, I thought it was normal. Lots of other kids in our

neighborhood looked just like me, so I didnt have anything else to compare myself to. By

the time I was in the seventh grade, I had a real weight problem—but no one ever talked

about it. My parents never gave me a hard time or pushed me to get out of the house and do

something active. I was one of those kids who liked sitting around reading comic books,

tinkering with old TVs or making my own movies. Today, Id be a video game geek.

Thankfully, they didnt have those kinds of devices when I was a kid, so at least I had to

focus my creativity on other things.

I went to St. Catherine of Sienna, a Catholic school in St. Albans, Queens. In between

seventh grade and eighth grade, I was chosen to take part in a summer program run by the

Jesuits for “underprivileged” kids, called the Higher Achievement Program or HAP. Kids who

did well in that summer program were offered a full scholarship at a Jesuit high school.

Make no mistake, for a lower-middle-class family, paying for six kids in Catholic

school was no joke. But my parents felt it was a better education and worth the sacrifice.

Besides offering a great opportunity for a Jesuit education, HAP had a kick-ass free

lunch. I was in!

I did well, but because I wasnt the most physically active kid (and did I mention the

really, really kick-ass free lunch?), I gained a little more weight. Sure, I played

some basketball, but lacking height, speed, any dribbling skills, a hook shot or a jumper,

I was mostly used to clog the lane.

I was offered a scholarship to Xavier High School in Manhattan. This was a Big Deal.

Xavier High School was and is one of the best high schools, public or private, in New York

City. It was also, at the time, a military academy, with full military uniforms.

I became painfully aware that I was having a weight issue when I had to get my school

uniform and they didnt have any that fit me. The uniforms were very expensive, so

graduating students often donated their uniforms to hand down to incoming students like

me. But since none of those fit, my parents had to scrape up about three hundred bucks to

buy me a new set.

I started high school in the fall of 1968 and I fell right into a routine. When I went

to school in Queens, I took a city bus or could walk to school. Now I had to take a bus

and a subway into Manhattan, to Sixteenth Street and Sixth Avenue. I would get up around

six a.m. and have breakfast, sometimes with my dad, then head into Manhattan to get to

school by seven forty-five. Sometimes I would get in early enough to grab a candy bar at

the deli down the street from school. For the long trip home I usually had a candy bar or

two to fortify me, then a snack during homework and then dinner. Hey, Mom, did the dry

cleaners shrink this uniform? Its feeling a little snug.

As I entered my sophomore year, my parents were concerned I was putting on too much

weight. Always a stocky kid, I was moving into the actual heavy category. It was right

around this time that my mother received a flyer in the mail from my dads health

insurance company. Like a lot of municipal workers, he belonged to the Health Insurance

Plan of Greater New York or HIP, a precursor to the dreaded health maintenance

organization or HMO. In exchange for free or low-cost health care, you went to clinics.

Well, our local HIP office was offering a weight-loss clinic just for teens. Damn you,

HIP. You and your outreach to ever-expanding teens.

This “program” was my first organized diet and consisted mainly of celery sticks,

cottage cheese and rye crackers. It was basically a rip-off of Weight Watchers. You came

in once a week, weighed in and talked about your challenges with a counselor and a group

of your peers.

There were two problems.

  1. It was very hard to stick with it because it was bland and boring and it left me

    hungry all of the time.

  2. The counselor was a woman in her thirties who was overweight herself. Im going to

    take advice from her? And then talk to a bunch of kids who all looked like me? This was

    doomed from the start.

Sure, I lost five pounds initially, but it was so stressful, I began stopping at the

candy store by the bus stop on my way home from the meetings and I put the weight right

back on.

Now this was just about the time that Bill Cosby introduced his character Fat Albert.

As a kid, I was a huge fan of Bill Cosby. The second album I ever bought was his classic

Why Is There Air? (Just in case youre wondering, the first album I bought was

Alvin and the Chipmunks Sing the Beatles. . . .but thats another story!)

Fat Albert first appeared in Cosbys stand-up routine, then in 1969, he showcased the

character in a half hour prime-time special entitled Hey, Hey, Hey, Its Fat Albert. I

remember watching it and being enamored with the animation, before a horrible rush fell

over me.

In a split second, I realized that I was Fat Albert.

Oh God.

I was black, fat and named . . . gulp. . . Albert!

My life was over.

This was the worst thing that could have happened to me.

My head was spinning from the thought of having to go to school the next day. I

panicked, knowing every one of my schoolmates was home watching this special like I was. I

tried to come up with a good excuse to avoid going to school the next morning, but none

came to mind. My mom would never believe I was suddenly “sick.”

The next day, I went into the cafeteria at Xavier, terrified to be there. Of course,

not so terrified that I couldnt stop to buy something to eat. Much to my surprise, no one

said a word at first. “Well, maybe nobody saw the show,” I thought. But within five

seconds of that wishful thinking, I heard eight or ten guys shout out, “Hey, hey,


I could feel my heart hit my toes as I lowered my head in shame.

I spent the rest of that week enduring everyones imitations of Fat Albert. I did my

best to hide my true feelings by laughing along with everyone else, but on the inside, I

was dying. I am sure I had been teased before about my weight, but it had never been the

subject of a national television show before. This was much worse. I knew I was chunky but

I never felt bad about my weight because I wasnt unusual. I had friends in school who

were the same size I was, so I didnt give it a lot of thought. Its not like people

stopped and pointed at me for being so fat. My focus wasnt really on my weight so much as

it was on the things that were of interest to me—especially as I got older.

Xavier High School fed my love of media. I did all kinds of extracurricular activities.

Athletics, not so much. But I joined the newspaper staff and the yearbook. I was on the

Audio Visual Squad. (If there was a projector that lost its loop, I could rethread it at a

moments notice!) We even had a closed-circuit TV channel that I worked on. To support my

burgeoning love of film and photography, which needed a steady supply of cameras and

accessories, I knew I needed to augment my allowance, so I got an after school job.

This was not just any job. For a food-obsessed teenager, this was a dream job. It was

literally right across the street from Xaviers back door. It was a place called A to Z

Vending. It was a small vending machine company, and it was my job to fill the boxes that

the guys would take to the vending machines in offices across Manhattan.

Can you comprehend the magnitude of this job? Every day I went up and down the many

long aisles that were lined with every conceivable snack and candy bar known to man in

1969. Vending-machine sizes of Lorna Doones and Oreos, 3 Musketeers and M&Ms. Packs of

crackers with cheddar cheese and Fritos Corn Chips.

I was making minimum wage, but maximum snackage. I never had to stop at a deli or candy

store for the remainder of my high school years. Of course, I did. But I didnt have to! I

literally was like a kid in a candy store. What, I gained more weight through high school?

To paraphrase Captain Renault, “I am shocked. Shocked to find that uncontrolled eating is

going on here!”

By the time I got to college at SUNY Oswego in 1972, I had very little self-esteem and

absolutely no self-control. I hadnt had any luck with girls in high school, I didnt feel

like I looked all that good and now I was six hours from home in rural upstate New York.

But then I found an old, trusted friend.

The cafeteria.

When I found out that I was allowed to eat as much as I wanted at every meal, it was

like hitting the lottery! There was unlimited food and I could take whatever I

wanted . . . seconds . . . thirds . . . or more. They even had something Id never seen

before: small individual boxes of cereal in a dispenser—all of the cereals I never got to

eat as a kid! Hello, my old pal, Tony the Tiger. Yo, Dig Em Frog, whassup? Tell Toucan

Sam to meet us at my dorm room for a par-tay!!!

To be clear, it wasnt just my poor food choices making me fat. I didnt realize the

quantity of food I was consuming either. If I went to McDonalds, it was impossible for me

to order a plain cheeseburger and small fries. I had to get two Quarter Pounders with

cheese, two orders of large fries and a large vanilla shake.

I know what youre thinking. But at the time, I had no clue. When I got to college I

weighed somewhere around two hundred pounds—looking back at it, not a horrible

weight for a guy my size. Unfortunately, by the end of freshman year, I had gained at

least twenty-five pounds. But I always wore loose clothing, primarily flannel shirts and

overalls, so despite my weight gain throughout the year, my clothes still fit. Snugger,

perhaps, but still wearable. By my sophomore year, I had ballooned to nearly two hundred

forty pounds. But something was about to change the course of my weight gain and future

career, kicking off what would become a never-ending struggle of yo-yo dieting and the

battle of the bulge.

Product Details

Roker, Al
New American Library
Morton, Laura
Biography - General
Biography-Entertainment and Performing Arts
Edition Description:
Publication Date:
Grade Level:
from 12
8.25 x 5.5 in 1 lb
Age Level:
from 18

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Health and Self-Help » Health and Medicine » Eating Disorders

Never Goin' Back: Winning the Weight-Loss Battle for Good Used Hardcover
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$18.50 In Stock
Product details 288 pages New American Library - English 9780451414939 Reviews:
"Publishers Weekly Review" by , "The popular television meteorologist/author (Don't Make Me Stop This Car: Adventures in Fatherhood) shares his personal yet public weight-loss journey in this intimate memoir. Born in Queens in the 1950s, Roker was a preemie, weighing in at less than five pounds, but by the time he was in seventh grade he had a weight problem and suffered the humility of being dubbed 'Fat Albert' by his classmates. 'Morbid obesity' (he was 280 pounds at his wedding to ABC News and 20/20 correspondent Deborah Roberts) didn't stop him from pursuing marriage, fatherhood, and a successful career, even landing a plum position on the staff of NBC's Today Show. But at his father's deathbed in 2001, Roker made a promise to his dad to lose the weight that had plagued him through decades of yo-yo dieting. Nevertheless, it wasn't until he realized that he had to lose the weight for himself that he took the dramatic step of gastric bypass surgery. Without proselytizing, Roker describes the procedure and why it worked for him: Roker maintains that the road to weight loss is an individual decision and that well-meaning friends and family members would be wise to keep their mouths shut on the subject. In fact, Roker maintains that policing the overweight only makes the problem worse. Readers will appreciate this personable weatherman's candor and humor as he chronicles his struggle and ultimate success." Publishers Weekly Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
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