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The Disease to Pleaseby Harriet B. Braiker
Synopses & Reviews
What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!
"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast
People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.
Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.
Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.
As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.
People-pleasers are those who say yes when they really want to say no. This book looks at the idea that people-pleasing is a serious psychological syndrome and attempts to offer a cure, through a 21-day action plan.
In this bestseller now in paperback, frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers help for anyone who has ever felt the resentment of giving 100 percent to others and getting nothing in return.
A New York Times bestseller
NOW IN PAPERBACK
Bestselling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers help for anyone who has ever felt the resentment of giving 100 percent to others and getting nothing in return.
Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. It is the first book to treat people pleasing as a serious psychological syndrome, and it breaks new ground in its approach to offer a cure. Dr. Braiker offers a 21-Day Action Plan for curing the Disease to Please. A daily psychological workout and skills-training program, it will help readers replace the compulsion to comply with a more conscious and reasoned choice to care. The Disease to Please includes:
About the Author
Best-selling author Dr. Harriet Braiker has been a practicing clinical psychologist and management consultant in Los Angeles for more than 25 years. The author of several highly successful popular psychology books, she has also authored numerous scholarly award-winning research textbooks and other publications. She has been a contributing editor and columnist for Working Woman and Lear's, and has also written for many other national women's magazines. Dr. Braiker has appeared many times on such national talk shows as "Oprah", "The Today Show", "Larry King", "Live with Regis and Kathy Lee", "Hour Magazine", "Sonya Live", the "NBC Nightly News" with Tom Brokaw, and CNN. Visit Dr. Braiker at www.diseasetoplease.com.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: The Disease to Please Triangle: The Price of Nice
Part One: People-Pleasing Mindsets
Chapter 2: Toxic Thoughts
Chapter 3: Its Okay Not to Be Nice
Chapter 4: Putting Others First
Chapter 5: Theres More to You Than How Much You Do
Chapter 6: Nice People Can Say “No”
Part Two: People-Pleasing Habits
Chapter 7: Learning to Please: Approval Addiction
Chapter 8:Why Cant You Get Your Parents Approval?
Chapter 9: Love at All Costs
Chapter 10: Romantic Addiction
Part Three: People-Pleasing Feelings
Chapter 11: Once More,Without Feelings
Chapter 12: The Fear of Anger
Chapter 13:Words Can Really Hurt You
Chapter 14: How Far Would You Go to Avoid a Confrontation?
Chapter 15: Small Steps, Big Changes
The 21-Day Action Plan for Curing the Disease to Please
A Users Guide to the 21-Day Action Plan
Day 1: Dont Say “Yes”When You Want to Say “No”
Day 2: The Broken Record Technique
Day 3: The Counteroffer
Day 4:What to Say If You Want to Say “No”: The Sandwich Technique
Day 5: The Reverse Sandwich Technique
Day 6: Rewriting the Ten Commandments of People-Pleasing
Day 7: Rewriting the Seven Deadly Shoulds
Day 8: Taking Care of You
Day 9: Talking Yourself Out of Approval Addiction
Day 10: To Do or Not to Do, That Is the Question
Day 11: Tag, Youre It
Day 12: Its Okay Not to Be Nice
Day 13: The Anger Scale
Day 14: The Relaxation Breath
Day 15: Anger-Up
Day 16: Anger-Down
Day 17: TIME OUT
Day 18: Stress Inoculation
Day 19: Solve a Problem with a Friend, Not for a Friend
Day 20: Correcting Faulty Assumptions
Day 21: Celebrate Your Cure
Epilogue: Some Final Thoughts
What Our Readers Are Saying
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